Dating Thread 187 - Love in the Time of Corona

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I know that if things continue with him that he could be away but the difference would be that I wouldn't be trapped inside with nothing to do. Even if I was working at the moment there wouldn't be any work to do because the world doesn't need any event organisers at the moment.
I'm trying to stick to a routine but I'm running out of things to fill my hours with. There's only so much hand therapy, exercise or house work I can do in a day. I feel lonely because no one who I considered to be a friend has checked up on me. I'm frustrated because I was getting ready to finally be able to go back to work from last October and I was allowed to drive again just before the lock down happened.

I have reached out to people I considered to be friends to see how they are etc but I either get ignored or a fine and they don't ask back

I think once this is over everything in our lives will be different somethings better and some worse. I feel mr g tone on messages has changed a little. More practical and less flirty etc but he won’t see his kids for 12 weeks for various reasons and he’s working 6 days a week in a job that is even more stressful and demanding. We said we’d carry on after as we were and that’s what I’m holding onto. There’s so much more going on for both of us and in the world.

@Dancerinthemoonlight sorry you have that reaction from friends. What about your family ?

dancer I’m really sorry to hear that. What about family? Please don’t stop posting here, even if posters (ie me) can be s bit insensitive sometimes, I think it’s an overwhelmingly kind and safe space

I don't really have a relationship with my dad. He called me this week just because he had spoken to my mum and brother so I didn't feel left out. He told me I was a disappointment years ago and calls my brother everyday. My brother just moans about wanting to go back to work properly, how he hates working from home and expects me to do things for him because I don't really have anything else to do. My mum and I have a strained relationship, she can be quite controlling and don't really have much in common to talk about. My eldest brother hasn't spoken to me in 16+ years. Neither do my adopted sister and brother. My eldest sister only speaks to me when it's birthdays, Christmas etc coming up to say what my nephew's want

@Dancerinthemoonlight- new here so can’t comment if the tone has changed. I’ve read back a few threads and found it mostly supportive. There will be differing views for sure. The one thing I don’t get is your defensiveness. We give advice or opinion based on what we read. You alone know the full picture. If you don’t find the advice useful, discard it. If you just want to pour out thoughts and have no one weigh in - I think it would be helpful to preface it with brain dump or no advice needed.

I think everyone here wishes everyone else the best! What an ideal world if all our irons worked out and it was happily ever after.

Wish you well with mr Army whether you stay on thread or leave x

@Dancerinthemoonlight sending a virtual hug. Sounds like you are feeling pretty isolated and in need of a bit of friendly support. I would find being in your position difficult too. If you want a chat sometime I am happy to pm you. I think what others have said is very true, all that any of us can hold onto is the hope that when we have got through this time we will be able to resume dating- and all the other stuff we took for granted like socialising and freedom to go where we want when we want. Mr Army doesn't know how his next few weeks will pan out. It sounds like he's already very tired and drained. He's staying in touch and that says a lot. I imagine his messages are extra important at the moment because as you say you are feeling a lack of human contact in general. Hold tight and keep posting.

@Dancerinthemoonlight Are there any new skills you would like to pick up? This last week I followed David on instagram (who won bake off) and learned how to make sourdough, as you have to do a bit everyday it gave me another thing to focus on each day.

There are a few things online, like a tour of buckingham palace, zoo live streams, the National Theatre is showing a play every Thursday, it’s one man two guvnors this week.

Maybe a few of us could all watch a certain show, read a certain book etc then agree to meet a certain time to discuss it etc?

What about your local neighbourhood? My neighbour was reading out things in our courtyard today (I use the term courtyard very loosely), but we also have a whatsapp group as one of the neighbours stuck a postcard through every door. We had a little zoom party for those interested on Saturday night.

@Onesmallstep67 at least he is staying in touch. I'm an overthinker and a planner by nature. Comes from a very unhappy childhood so I like people to spell out clearly where I stand with them. I'm just going to have to ride things out and see if he wants to see me when this is all over.

@simonjt I'm doing the bsl course as a refresher. I don't really think there are many other skills I could learn. Not to be boastful but I already bake, make my own bread, make sweets (fudge, marshmallows etc) cook, crochet, knit, dress making, painting, card making, DIY, planting to grow fruits and veg, dance (all different styles). One thing I'm not overkeen on is exercise but I'm doing 100 squats and sit-ups every day and 10k on my bike mon-fri. Any suggestions on a skill I could learn?

I have watched most plays as I studied drama at university. Unfortunately I live in a very quiet village where everyone pretty much keeps to themselves

@Dancerinthemoonlight and a hug. It's so tough at the moment. And when you're on your own, with no one to discuss things with, it all seems so much harder.

You can always PM me if you want to vent or just a chat.

I'm having the same issue with friends. They reply if I ask how they're doing but no one gets in touch with me.
And my parents have asked me to stop ringing them as they think I'm checking up on them.

I'm learning sign language, trying to improve my press-ups, cleaning out my loft, reading a lot and learning some skills to do with my job. But each day seems like it's 48 hours long

dancer I am in awe of your industriousness. The only two additional suggestions I have are (a) singing (or learning an instrument if you have access to one and (b) Bumble Friends finder.

I get what you’re saying about needing to know where you stand. Uncertainty is tough to deal with at the best of times, and now is certainly not the best of times!

I’m a freelancer and have lots of work for the next 14 days or so, but when it eases off I’m going to finish painting various bits of my house that I botched doing the first time. Plus I’m going to clean every window, inside and out. Can’t wait!

I'm not dating but in an unhappy marriage and wish I'd read #13 a few years ago. Good advice ladies!!

I come from a very dysfunctional family dancerinthemoonlight and when younger craved relationships to feel secure. I made quite a few mistakes and settled for far less than I should have because I craved the security of a partnership.

I'm 47 now and words are cheap. Anyone can say anything and change their mind in a heartbeat. What works for me is living in the here and now.

I met my bf online and we will be 6 months together this week. We talked about lockdown and what it could mean for us. He hugged me and said "we are strong, we will survive it". I hope we do but nothing is ever guaranteed. So my plan is to enjoy the contact we have over the phone, keep myself busy and enjoy having him in my life for as long as has there. I also remind myself that he is lucky to have me. I dont have him on a pedestal and feel grateful for him (something I would have done in the past).

The divorce rate in the UK is 42% I think. I'm sure no one really goes into their marriage thinking it wont last, yet the reality is for many it doesn't.

I may sound practical and sensible, but I wasnt always this way. Far from it. Breakups used to be very difficult for me. But I am fortunate that I have a great life, love my job and have lots of close friends (in the absence of a close family). My bf is a wonderful bonus. I will never make a bf/partner the most important thing in my life as it gives them way too much power over my emotions.

I hope you don't leave the thread. I think those of us from dysfunctional families often go into relationships hoping they will heal us. I found I had to do that myself first. Mind yourself xx

@tigerdater I already play the piano and have taken singing lessons in the past. Very much from an acting/dancing/music background. I have tried bumble friend finder previously but found it never really went anywhere.
To add to my long list I can also make my own candles, do my own eyebrow tinting and waxing, do my own either acrylic or gel manicures. I'm in the middle of crocheting 2 different blankets to use up a stash of wool. I wanted to learn pottery this year but of course there are no classes at the moment. I was always taught to be self sufficient and not to rely on people to do things for you. Maybe that's why no one is checking in on me. I joke that I'd be the perfect 1950s housewife.
Next week's big task is to deep clean the kitchen and to do some honing on my CV and cover letter writing so I can find a better job.
It's not the best time to ask where I stand with him and I think that's the most frustrating thing. I was getting ready to have the where is this going and I'm just seeing you talk after the next 1-2 dates and then lockdown happened.
Going to hang in there and not let him now my frustrations. I told him that I feel bad and awquard telling him what I'm doing day to day as I know he must be overwhelmed with the amount of stuff on at work. He said it was all good.

@Windmillwhirl I have settled for far less that I should have in previous relationships. I'm usually very happy in my life. This lockdown and feeling isolated has just started to get to me. It's been a wake-up call of who I can talk to and who is there for me. I'm naturally a person who thrives when they have something to do. I'm not used to just sitting around the house. I like being active and on the go.

He sounds lovely dancer and I bet knowing that you are thinking of him and wanting to share with him brings him some happiness too. It’s such a shame we are where we are, for all sorts of reasons.

It sounds really tough dancerinthemoonlight. Is this a new realisation that there aren't many people there for you? If so it's understandable that you feel low right now and are craving comfort in the form of hearing from people.

You should be proud of what you achieve/can do, it isn’t boastful at all.

Some pubs are doing online live quizzes, we are going to give one a go tomorrow.

@TigerDater hopefully it is. He is thousands of miles away from most of his family and I know he is probably worried about his parents getting it as hey aren't in the best of health. When his car broke down a few weeks ago he said that I'm the good in his current situation as I was staying awake to keep him company while he was waiting to be recovered. I'm very much a talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words kind of a person. I know there can't be any actions at the moment. My love language is quality time which is no surprise to me.

@windmillwhirl it is a new realisation. I always thought there were a few people I could rely on but I guess not

I forgot to say, in new news, is snowed in London today! Okay, there wasn’t a lot, but there was snow!

Doesn't help I'm very much missing tennis aswell at the moment. Yay for snow. Had a lot of hail here

Typed a post and lost it @Dancerinthemoonlight I live alone too, I understand

No snow in my little corner of London @SimonJT

Then dont leave the thread. Your insights and kind comments have helped plenty of people.

I've started binging on Netflix. If you can get into a good series it can really help pass the time I have some great recommendations if you want to know some.

The other lnight I ended up watching a documentary on the working poor in America. There were a few different people in it, but one was a single mum that worked 70 hours a week to support her children. She lived with her children in a motel as she couldn't afford the deposit on an apartment. It really helped opened my eyes to the struggles others go through.

Anyway, I'm rambling

@windmillwhirl I'm one of the few people who don't have Netflix but I watch it with Mr Army. Last time I was round there I watched an episode of white collar so I might see if I can find that somewhere and watch it.
Even post surgery I was working on planning fundraising events which at least one of will most probably have to be cancelled. It's been a long while since I have had nothing to do. I'm not very good at just sitting and being/doing nothing. I like to be busy or active.