Dating Thread 187 - Love in the Time of Corona

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I have let him know that I'm here for him if it's to rant at, as a distraction.or if he needs something.

@Jane1978xx Not really. His cousin in in his year but on a different timetable. He has an older sister but she is in hormone central and shouts at him any time he goes near.

I think I just have to allow this day to be our stress day!

Aw @sunshineandflipflops, @Jane1978xx I feel for you and all with younger kids. You are all amazing. My two are doing University and college work but they are way cleverer than me now so I don't have the need or ability to help. House is a mess though and find it hard to focus on work.

All I want to do is exercise morning noon and night. It's my go-to stress relief. At least I'll look hot on the other side of this.

Am also thinking I need to pull back from Mr Beard. It's a week today since our first and last overnight date, which was blissful, and we've been messaging a few times a day and had a few phone chats, but we had 5 dates over 2 weeks and even though it was madly passionate, I can't see how we are going to keep this going.

Also, though I knew he had baggage in his life I didn't realise how much, or how big a family he has to look out for, until a conversation on Wednesday night when he poured his heart out to me, and I don't see how he can possibly have enough headspace for me.

I am starting to really over invest in hearing from him (which I don't think would be the case as much if I had my hectic life back) and I feel vulnerable. It makes me feel really, really sad as I like him SO much, first time in years I've liked and got excited about (and had sex with) anyone. I just used to message him back as soon as I heard from him without a thought, when I could see him face to face I could see how much he liked me from the way he looked at me and touched me all the time, but now it's all different, and I'm thinking I shouldn't as it looks needy. I almost want to tell him to leave me alone now so I don't have weeks of this overthinking. Feel a bit tearful today ...

uttersocks but what does it matter if it looks needy? You have needs! And I bet he appreciates messaging you as a release from the worries brought on by his family. I know I really appreciate being in touch with Mr GN and my various platonic irons as they distract me from my immediate concerns re finances, DDs and DF.

@UtterSocks I feel the same and I’ve been seeing mr g a good few months . Like he’s been on his phone and not messaged etc 🤦‍♀️ But he’s got his kids he’s not seeing, family, parents, colleagues, friends etc etc and time needs to be shared over everyone. A few times I’ve been close to asking him what the problem is🤦‍♀️ Then a few hours later he’ll send me something and say can we go here in the summer etc. I think we just have to ride it out without being over needy but being Able to communicate our feelings. A lot of our men will be separated from their children and the moment and that is their priority mentally and time wise (calling them nightly etc). We cannot stop them loosing their feelings for us but we can let them know we are here

I’m doing ok with dd her dance teacher does a chat every day and she’s playing chess with her grandad on line in the afternoons. She’s used to being at home when I work in the afternoons anyway

Aw I can’t communicate my feelings to him @Jane1978xxx it’s too early days. We never even had the chat about whether or not we were in a relationship, and I wasn’t anticipating that for a good couple of weeks if we’d been able to carry on as normal. Maybe it was just the sex and banter for him, and he’ll forget what I look like soon.

Got a brief reply this morning to something I sent last night and then nothing. Am not messaging him again. And @TigerDater I have spent 20+ years in a marriage where my needs were not met or important. So I’m never optimistic on that front ... And given his problems, even less so ... When I am physically with people, no matter how sick, sad and depressed I am inside, I can always be my best self and impress. Years of pretending to be ok have made me a pro. The first night I met him I was in a flat panic over the divorce, stressed at work, had just been diagnosed with anxiety by my GP and was desperate to cancel, but I went anyway because he’d gone to loads of trouble to rearrange his schedule for me, and against all the odds we just sparked from the minute he walked in. But when I can’t be with him in person I revert to being insecure.

Anyway sorry for banging on, just feel sad today😢 Have resumed messaging Mr Science and other irons just to distract myself 🙄 (it’s not working. Not at all.)

@uttersocks can you at least say I’d like to carry on when this is over ?

Well he's said that to be fair @Jane1978xxx He dropped me home on Saturday morning and we were kissing in his car and I said 'do you even think we will see each other again with all this?' and he said, "Yes, of course we will, soon as this is over". But he would say that wouldn't he? And it's a long time, and when it ends his family will (rightly) be his priority.

I can't bring it up again. I always assume people stick around me because I am flippant, funny and cheerful (whether I feel it inside or not), and I come across as very independent and busy when I have my real life around me. And with all the major shit in his life the last thing he needs is somebody he's known 2 weeks whining 'what about me?' I'm the "no worries" girl, big smile, even if it's killing me inside. Maybe if we had a longer run up to this it could have worked. But I keep looking at rule 12 and thinking "there's your answer, Socks". And actually to protect myself I feel it will be less painful to give up on it now then spend weeks staring at my phone only for it to end later... He just made me feel so great for a short time though. Should maybe just be grateful for that.

sunshine. my son is 12 too and we have already given up on the online homework as son has cried and thrown so many wobblys trying to log on to all these sites.
I still have a nokia and just got to grips with learning to email but school asking for down loads and things ive never heard of.
Luckily school sent some paper work in post so he can do that but an hour max and he looses concentration!
lets not fret. we planted seeds yesterday and looked for the space station the other eve. just do what we can.

I think the severity and reality of our situation has begun to sink in. I am doing okay and thankfully my DDs are getting on with the restrictions and our continual contact pretty well. But it can feel a bit daunting that we are still in the early stages of this with an unspecified period to get through.
Kind of out of nowhere Mr Van has got back in touch. We were seeing each other for about 3 months Nov- Jan but he rather abruptly cut contact, telling me at the time he was struggling with grief over his mom's death. We had exchanged a tiny handful of messages in the last 2 months but he got back in touch and we have actually spoken a couple of times in the last few days. He is still in a bit of a pickle emotionally and now somewhat financially too. He's written his car off and is going to struggle to get a new one. I am fully aware that him getting in touch now might be prompted by his current situation but it was lovely to hear from him. He was the first guy I had fancied the arse off in a long time and we seemed to click. Which made his disappearing act very difficult to accept back at the end of January. I can empathise with those feeling thwarted in moving things on with irons. I have tried to tell myself that IF Mr Van is wanting to come back into my life then this time will give him the opportunity to prove that and communication will be maintained.
Mr Cocky ( long term FWB ) seems to be recovered and messaging lots which is the norm for us. Mr Photography keeps jokingly trying to get me to go to his and we are bemoaning the fact that it could be ages without sex now but we are all in the same boat!

Hoping everyone is staying well and is finding the strength and support they need to see this through. 🤗

@UtterSocks we can’t do any more than that I don’t think.

@Jane1978xxx I know 😥

@Jane1978xx You made me laugh with you vagina comment . Rough day here as my kids have decided to stay with ex for "the duration" normally they would of been back here later today and we had previously agreed to continue alternate week schedule but now there are scared to even go outside. Communication with them while they are at his house is always sparse but now the silence is deafening.
On a positive note I was moaning on the phone to Mr Mobile about it all and he was brilliant - sympathetic, reassuring and comforting without him giving me a list of possible solutions. I'm not the sort of person who needs a lot of support so his calm reassurance was the perfect thing for me...... desperately trying not to over invest in him - have only had a few dates after-all - but he keeps looking better and better...

Day thirteen (i think) of homo-alono

MrNN was almost thrown out today, he suggested we could pass time by cleaning the flat together, I had no idea I was living with an actual monster. Although his jockey training is going very well and he’s dedicating lots of time to it, so I shouldn’t complain. Haven’t murdered MiniSJT yet.

@JeSuisPrest Are you feeling more positive today?

@UtterSocks There is nothing wrong or odd about being needed, it’s normal, especially during crappy times.

@JeSuisPrest really sorry to hear about you and MrC. I do wonder if this will make him come to his senses when he realises what he's throwing away. Whilst I have a certain amount of respect for him not just telling you what you wanted to hear, like you said until he deals with his emotions relating to his parents he's never going to have any meaningful long lasting relationships if he's constantly protecting himself from the risk of losing anybody again.
I imagine you're going through an absolute rollercoaster of emotions atm with a lot of second guessing on, so hope you're ok

Texting a bit more with Mr Army tonight. He just sent me a picture of him. He looks exhausted 😔 He also apologised for not being in contact more but I told him not to worry and to message me when he can. I know that if/when he gets deployed and we are in a relationship then this what it would be like.

Reading a few posters commenting about kids, homework and school systems, my son is 13 and experiencing similar problems and frustrations.
Clearly some of the systems weren't designed for every kid in the country to be logged in at the same time for extended periods. Son has thrown a couple of wobblies at his mum because he's having to create maths worksheets from scratch rather than just clicking in a box 🙄
She's also said he's finding it tough because they're having to do so much research themselves because they're not being taught be a teacher and then subsequently doing work based on what they've learnt.
I've got this to look forward to as I'm better now so he should be coming over tomorrow for a few days. Be nice to have somebody to talk to though, the dog's getting fed up with me talking to her 😂

@SimonJT your post made me laugh 😂 sounds like your isolation period has had its benefits!

@UtterSocks I can see why you don't want to come across as needy when it's such early days. But I don't think texting back straight away makes someone seem needy at all, my thinking was always "well they've got the phone in their hand and have time to text so surely replying now is the best way to have a quick text conversation" 🤷‍♂️ Maybe I'm needy 😂 but I don't think so.

Cheers @Ant330, it's good to have a guy's perspective. (And you @SimonJT). I feel a bit bleak tonight not having spoken to him so am distracting myself on the apps, getting compliments from men I shall never meet. It isn't helping but it is better than doing nothing...

@UtterSocks 👍 personally I think like Jane and you can only really do what you've done and express that you'd like to see each other when this is all over. Just keep the messaging up, sounds like you're finding out plenty about him during this downtime, which clearly has its pros and cons 😉
@Dancerinthemoonlight glad you've heard from him, doesn't sound like you've got anything to worry about to me.

@ant330 thank you. I don't think I do, I have just been screwed over so many times that I wonder what I'm not seeing. It's the little things that makes me like him, like at the end of a long day asking how I am or remembering certain things I have mentioned in passing.

@Dancerinthemoonlight it's a very good sign that he remembers things you've said. Like @Ant330 says, I don't think you've got anything to be concerned about.

@Ant330 my younger son was home educated from the age of 14 - home ed at secondary age does really rely on developing research skills and beong resourceful - it's very different to being in school so it's understandable your son is finding the switch hard. He's building up good skills for the future/university though!

I had no Zoom meetings yesterday so the only people I've seen have been the people I've seen when I'm staring out of the window 😕 I have the 'excitement' of going out to buy some food today (and also chocolate, which is an essential to me 😂)

Bats yes I did try to explain that having researched it properly himself he'd be more likely to retain the information better, but he was already in a mood so it went in one ear and out the other.
Think he spent the 1st half of the week assuming he was on holiday and the school work was an unnecessary distraction 😂

Hope everyone is coping alright and coping with the isolation. Simon homo-alono made me laugh!
Tough times for dating/maintaining relationships at the moment. Sorry to hear about you and MrC jesuis it's never a good time to split but this is worse than most when you can't easily busy yourself or see friends.
My own MrC is letting me down I feel. I won't make any rash decisions but I'm annoyed with him. As it's been said many times, it takes seconds to send a text. I don't think I'm especially needy but a few messages or a quick call wouldn't go amiss. Communication has never been a problem before so it's come as an unwelcome surprise.

Hello everyone it's been a while since I posted, my heads been in the shed with Rona I wish she would just fuck off! Ruining all our lives !😷🤣
MrS has been amazing even tho we only had a few dates he sent me a Mother's Day card in the post last week with a gift card init 🙈 as he knew my dc father is crap and won't bother at all . The no physical contact is killing us ! I'm on my own with a primary aged child! Trying to be optimistic it's very hard however! How is everyone and their guys doing ? Xx