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Original poster

OLD help please. Guy told me he is bi, how to politely say I don't wish to continue?

555 replies

LoveintheTimeofCoronaa · 20/03/2020 11:41

Hi all,

Could do with some help please!

I've been chatting to a bloke online, seems nice. He has just informed me he is bisexual 'in case it puts me off'.

Not sure I can fully explain why, even to myself as I have zero issues with anybody's sexuality but I would prefer not to continue this. We haven't met but I do want to be decent and give him a response.

I'm not looking to be called a homophobe as I assure you I am not. Just want to be tactful.

How would you express this politely??

Thanks!

OP posts:
Sittinonthefloor · 20/03/2020 12:53

If you’ve only been chatting online do you actually need to say anything? I think the thing with someone telling a new potential partner that they are bisexual is that it is very different from saying that they’ve had past experiences with men. Eg if my new bf said he was attracted to people with brown hair AND blonde hair I’d be a bit put out - I’d want him to only be interested in me! Saying he’s bisexual is v clearly not a message that he’s sees the op as a long term thing.

GlitchStitch · 20/03/2020 12:54

Elsie my vagina isn't subject to equality legislation. I personally would find a bisexual guy a turn off. Is it okay with you if I only sleep with people I desire sexually or should I learn to 'get over' my sexual preferences like so many misogynists are currently telling women to do? You sound like a right creep.

Langsdestiny · 20/03/2020 12:55

Yes some people hate women having boundaries.

OkPedro · 20/03/2020 12:55

Elsie what assumptions is the op making about this man?

anothernotherone · 20/03/2020 12:55

Elsiebear90 I see that you've proved that even according to your own criteria the op does not qualify as phobic because she did not say she thought a sexuality and an IQ were connected.

Nobody ever has to give any individual a chance to get intimate with them. Ever. It is always justified to say no, no matter why. Nobody has to explain why they don't fancy someone. Ever.

Elsiebear90 · 20/03/2020 12:57

@glitchstitch

Question for you, so if I come here and say “I won’t date black women because they’re more aggressive (or any other prejudice about black women” am I being prejudice or not?

itsbetterthanabox · 20/03/2020 12:57

There is a lot of biphobic comments here saying that the op won't be able to fulfill him or that they would need to be in an open relationship.
There's a clear misunderstanding of bisexuality.
I think the op has the right to date whoever she likes but if the only reason she dislikes him is him being bi then that does come from a place of biphobia.
What exactly are the reasons him being bi is an issue?
Again it's up to you who you sleep with but there's no problem examining it either.

LambriniSocialist · 20/03/2020 12:58

It seems everyone must be “pansexual” now or you are homophobic/transphobic

Well apparently, being pansexual is transphobic now because by saying that you are attracted to people of 'all genders' it shows that you don't believe that transwomen are actually women or that transmen are actually men!

Sunshinedaffodil · 20/03/2020 12:59

He should have put it in his bio. It’s not fair to speak to people that are interested in seeking a partner for a while then drop it in to the conversation. ‘Oh by the way I’m Bi’

It’s a game changer and people that dont think it is or that people should be allowed to make an informed decision before they invest time - need to give their head a wobble.

Elsiebear90 · 20/03/2020 13:00

@OkPedro I wasn’t taking specifically to OP, if you read my post I said people saying I won’t date bisexual people because “insert prejudice here e.g they are more likely to cheat/won’t be satisfied with just one person” you’re prejudice and biphobic, because that’s not just a sexual preference, that’s not dating someone because you have prejudice against people like them.

OkPedro · 20/03/2020 13:00

lambriniSocialist 🤯

anothernotherone · 20/03/2020 13:00

itsbetterthanabox there don't have to be reasons. Anyone can say no to anyone in a sexual context. Its very dangerous indeed to tell women they have to justify saying no and have their "no" approved.

AliceInADifferentWorld · 20/03/2020 13:01

Clearly you're very narrow minded so reply saying you're exactly that and he deserve someone who can fully accept who he is.

Op has the right to choose. We all do. If she's not attracted to bi sexual people then she's not. Its not narrow minded, just as it isn't narrow minded to not be attracted to men who think they are lesbians. Other people do not get to police our choices around our sexuality and who we are attracted to. No one.

GilbertMarkham · 20/03/2020 13:03

*You're not exactly being 'decent' by completely disregarding him because of this.

Clearly you're very narrow minded so reply saying you're exactly that and he deserve someone who can fully accept who he is.*

No, she isn't.

Catch a grip.

GlitchStitch · 20/03/2020 13:04

Elsie making prejudiced comments about black women is prejudiced. Saying you don't personally find black women attractive and want to date one (as OP is saying about this guy) is a sexual preference.

There are plenty of men I would rule out (some based on protected characteristics too such as ultra religious or certain disabilities). That's my right. I owe nobody anything and the attempt to erode women's boundaries with cries of phobia is grim.

pollysproggle · 20/03/2020 13:04

Nothing wrong with not wanting to peruse a relationship with him on this basis or any basis for that matter.
If it's not your cup of tea it's not your cup of tea so tell him so!
Sexual relationships are not like other relationships and you can't help what makes someone attractive or not attractive to you.
No need to make it a complicated issue.

Guardsman18 · 20/03/2020 13:05

@Elsiebear90 - genuine question - but she's not saying she doesn't want to date a bi man because ... Each time you use a comparison it's eg black women are aggressive, blondes are thick.

OP isn't saying that - she just doesn't want that relationship.

Believe it or not I am trying to educate myself honest!

GilbertMarkham · 20/03/2020 13:07

no one is saying he is going to be mad for cock

Mad for cock Grin

itsbetterthanabox · 20/03/2020 13:07

@anothernotherone
I didn't say she had to have approval I clearly said date whoever you want or don't. I don't think anyone should be pushed to do anything even if it does come from a place of prejudice.
I just am interested in what about being bi is an issue?
She doesn't have to answer its a question.

Sunshinedaffodil · 20/03/2020 13:08

think the op has the right to date whoever she likes but if the only reason she dislikes him is him being bi then that does come from a place of biphobia
What exactly are the reasons him being bi is an issue

Get lost. I have married same sex couple in my family, a mixture of Gay and Lesbians friends. I’m not phobic anything. However I wouldn’t want to sleep with a man who was in to sleeping with other men. It’s just not my thing. I’m allowed to feel like that. I wouldn’t want to sleep with a woman either - that’s not my thing either - so am I homophobic too?

I hate this new thing where if you dont want to sleep with someone there must be something wrong with you.

YgritteSnow · 20/03/2020 13:09

I wouldn't be interested either. The shrieks of dismay and accusations of homophobia are baffling. I am straight. I only want to have relationships with other straight people. Who the fuck is anyone to shame me into accepting other sexualities as intimate partners? Beggars belief.

SimonJT · 20/03/2020 13:15

Biphobia is a huge problem, he needs to know so he doesn’t waste any time in you.

Elsiebear90 · 20/03/2020 13:17

@GlitchStitch great so we agree not dating someone because you have prejudices (whether OP does or not) is prejudice and you can’t excuse that prejudice by saying it’s a “sexual preference”? Prejudice is prejudice, saying things like I don’t date bisexual people because “they won’t be satisfied” or “they’re more likely to cheat” like people have said on this thread is prejudice and not just a “sexual preference”. People can date whoever they wish to, no one is trying to force anyone to date anyone, but as another poster said, it’s worth examining your reasons why rather than defending your or other people’s prejudices by calling them a sexual preferences when they’re actually incorrect beliefs and assumptions about a whole group of people.

anothernotherone · 20/03/2020 13:18

SimonJT I presume "in" is a typo Grin

Nobody ever needs a reason to say no. It is not a phobia not to be attracted to someone, nor to go off them and stop being attracted to them.

Elsiebear90 · 20/03/2020 13:21

@Guardsman18 OP hasn’t said exactly why she doesn’t want to date him anymore other than it’s because he’s bi, a number of posters have made biphobic comments and tried to justify them as sexual preferences, which is what I disagree with and was giving examples of similar comments that could be made about other groups of people in which I think we would all agree are steeped in prejudice and are not just preferences.