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Original poster

OLD help please. Guy told me he is bi, how to politely say I don't wish to continue?

555 replies

LoveintheTimeofCoronaa · 20/03/2020 11:41

Hi all,

Could do with some help please!

I've been chatting to a bloke online, seems nice. He has just informed me he is bisexual 'in case it puts me off'.

Not sure I can fully explain why, even to myself as I have zero issues with anybody's sexuality but I would prefer not to continue this. We haven't met but I do want to be decent and give him a response.

I'm not looking to be called a homophobe as I assure you I am not. Just want to be tactful.

How would you express this politely??

Thanks!

OP posts:
OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 20/03/2020 12:10

Oh get off! Just because someone doesn’t want to date someone for any reason at all, they shouldn’t have to feel compelled to do so. It’s not homophobia it’s choice.

Abouttoblow · 20/03/2020 12:10

Exactly OP. Ignore the ridiculous comments. They clearly don't know what homophobia means.

stairway · 20/03/2020 12:10

They might be faithful, but if a man enjoys both a women will never be able to give him what a man can give. I wouldn’t choose to go into a relationship knowing that. That is my choice.

NC4Now · 20/03/2020 12:11

“Thanks for being honest. You seem like a lovely bloke and I’m sure you’ll meet someone special - but it’s not for me. Good luck x”

Bloomburger · 20/03/2020 12:13

It would be a big NO from me too OP.

He's sort of given you a get out now by bringing it up so early on so has probably had this before.

HowIrresponsible · 20/03/2020 12:13

It isn't homophobic.

My friends husband is bi (no dc)

They have an open relationship and he has sex with men as well as her.

She also has sex with others

I find that kind of thing too complicated. Not that I am homophobic but I dont wish to be in an open relationship or have my partner sleep with others male or female.

Or risk that my partner changes his mind and decide they want to see a man

Just say it is too complicated but wish him well.

simone1863 · 20/03/2020 12:14

This reply has been deleted

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AnyFucker · 20/03/2020 12:15

To claim you are not entitled to your boundaries is coercive

Shame on the homophobic-criers

Personally, I have quite a wide range of sexualities, personality traits, body types, personal habits etc that I would not consider in a sexual partner

And anyone that tries to shame me for that can fuck off

bobstersmum · 20/03/2020 12:16

Op, I would tell him that you don't want to continue as this would be a problem for you, however no reason he couldn't become a good friend?
You lot screaming homophobia, are you for real?

Soontobe60 · 20/03/2020 12:18

So for those who are saying the OP is homophobic, am I homophobic because I don’t fancy women? (I am a woman myself).

Original poster
LoveintheTimeofCoronaa · 20/03/2020 12:19

Ooh simone , the searing insight.

OP posts:
daffodil1224 · 20/03/2020 12:19

I can’t believe some of the comments here...

WaxItLyrical · 20/03/2020 12:20

I’m a lesbian and wouldn’t want a relationship with a bi women, I can hardly be homophobic being gay myself! It’s just a strong preference and something I find a complete turn off.

daffodil1224 · 20/03/2020 12:20

@Soontobe60 exactly.

Original poster
LoveintheTimeofCoronaa · 20/03/2020 12:21

Gave him a polite message along the lines of what NCforNow suggested (thanks for that!) and he replied to tell me about a guy at work he is actually after! Ah well. Hopefully it works out for them both!

OP posts:
Original poster
LoveintheTimeofCoronaa · 20/03/2020 12:22

Well indeed. Bit different but I wouldn't choose a relationship with a guy I don't share a fluent language with. Am i a xenophobe too? Of course not. It just wouldn't suit me in a relationship.

OP posts:
HermioneWeasley · 20/03/2020 12:23

@Soontobe60 nobody is saying OP has to be into women or be bisexual - what a strange false equivalence.

Some of us are puzzled that the idea he’s had sex with men is a show stopper for her. Of course she’s entitled to her boundaries, but he’s not asking her to have a threesome or an open relationship, just accept he’s had previous sexual partners who were men. If he’d had previous female partners who were into stuff she’s not into sexually but he has no expectation of her doing, would everyone declare them incompatible?

TerribleCustomerCervix · 20/03/2020 12:23

I feel the same as you OP- it would be a big stumbling block for me to get past.

I don’t know if it’s just that I can’t wrap my head around being sexually attracted to both sexes, or as another pp pointed out that my own insecurities would worry that I couldn’t fulfil the attractions that he would have for another man.

BlingLoving · 20/03/2020 12:23

NC4Now has a good response.

As I'm always telling people that they can choose not to date someone for whatever reason they like, including that they thought their socks were silly or they don't want to date someone who doesn't like Spanish food, I can't see how now wanting to date someone who is bi would be a problem. For myself, I'd always be concerned I'd be unable to meet his sexual requirements. I have a bi friend however who is married and as far as I am aware, it's never been a problem in their relationship.

kaldefotter · 20/03/2020 12:24

To exclude people from employment, housing or services because of a protected characteristics is (rightfully) unlawful. To direct abuse at people because of a protected characteristic is (rightfully) unlawful.

To exclude anyone, for any reason whatsoever, from being in an intimate relationship with you is your absolute, unremitting right, always.

If I only fancy men who are rugby players, between 5' 10" and 6'1", and over 16 stone, I'd have a really restricted potential dating pool, but it would be my absolute right.

It's not being phobic towards women, or men who play football, or shorter or v v tall men, or skinny men. Why is this hard to understand?

JaneEyre7 · 20/03/2020 12:25

Oh god the thread police are out in force today.

It's OK not to want to be in a relationship with someone bisexual.

I wouldn't either.

NoMoreDickheads · 20/03/2020 12:29

What do you have against bi people? It doesn't make us any more likely to cheat than anyone else.

Original poster
LoveintheTimeofCoronaa · 20/03/2020 12:29

But Hermione you have answered your own puzzlement.

As you say, you may not understand why I might have that preference but I am entitled to it.

So why the accusations of homophobia, which is not a view I would be entitled to have since discrimination is banned by law?

If you do not understand something, don't leap to pathologise it. That is how stigma and bigotry starts, surely?

OP posts:
NoMoreDickheads · 20/03/2020 12:30

@JaneEyre7 Why not? It seems to me it can only mainly be prejudice and false stereotypes.

anothernotherone · 20/03/2020 12:30

What on earth is wrong with some posters?

You can disregard anyone as a sexual partner for any reason at all.

You can disregard them because tjey're a virgin or because they aren't, because they're inexperienced or have had a lot of partners, because they eat meat or because they don't, because they slurp their coffee, because they drive a BMW, because they have a dog or because they don't like dogs... Any reason. Because they're too sexually adventurous or too sexually unadventurous, because they mention an interest that you don't want to try or to be with someone who does. You owe nobody a chance to have sex with you - nobody does, under any circumstances. Of course you can disregard someone as a sexual partner because of their sexual preferences - it'd be a sick old world if you couldn't.

You're not interviewing a candidate for a job. Choosing a sexual partner is and should be solely about mutal personal attraction, comfort and preference and entirely and completely subjective.

You'd think some posters have an agenda trying to suggest you're obligated to give everyone a chance even if they tell you something which you're not comfortable with or which puts you off...