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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My husband is disgusting

172 replies

katybob · 12/03/2020 03:00

I love my husband to bits but my god is he the most disgusting thing I’ve ever known. We pretty much eat the same foods but his trumps always stink of eggs. He trumps more than I’ve ever witnessed. He pees on the loo seat and doesn’t clean it up and if I say anything he goes all winey and says he’s sorry he’ll try to remember to wipe it. He doesn’t wash plates up properly they always have something on them. He chucks his dirty smokey smelly work tops back on the clean washing them they get confused with the clean and make the clean smell. He walks about naked. We have no curtains at the mo as just moved and he’s pretty much danny devito to look at. He heaves with out fail every morning when he brushes his teeth. If I ask him to clean he makes a big song and dance and then shows me the poo stained loo brush that he uses before he flushes and it’s covered in soggy loo roll. BTw might seem like I’m just bitching. I am my councillor suggested I find an outlet. I have a one year old boy with better manners than my 35 year old husband. What annoys me most. He wasn’t like it when he lived with his parents cus his mum wouldn’t have it. His answer to it now is it’s his house he will do as he pleases. He keeps making me boil. I hate him

OP posts:
Funkycats · 12/03/2020 07:50

If I were your counsellor I'd be suggesting you leave the disgusting slob 🤢

probablysue · 12/03/2020 07:57

Yuk!!!

lifeisgoodmostofthetime · 12/03/2020 08:00

Sounds like someone I know. He will never change his ways and if anything he'll get worse and just expect you to clear up after him. The more you tell him the more he'll do it to annoy you. Get you mil round

BluebellCockleshell123 · 12/03/2020 08:01

Good god he sounds vile. For me the main issue would be that he wasn’t like this when he lived with his mother so this behaviour really shows the lack of respect for you.

Spell it out for him and if he doesn’t change his attitude I’d be thinking seriously about leaving.

Original poster
katybob · 12/03/2020 08:10

hi we’ve pretty much been together since 2010 he wasn’t so bad until our son was born. I have threatened divorce three times now and he changes for about a week and then slowly things slip again. I do love him to pieces he isn’t a horrible man but I get the impression it is “if I do a bad job continuesly she won’t ask me to do it again” I go to counselling because my doctor suggested it. I have trouble sleeping at night and sometimes have social anxiety and I only went to the docs to see if he could help with the sleeping and I ended up with free councilling. His mum is a Total clean freak he had to clean his own bathroom every morning after using it and wash up straight away. And I have spoken about how he is infront of her and her attitude is he works a lot of hours I wouldn’t expect him to do that any way. I’m ok with the house wife bit of life but no the sheer disrespect for me. I feel like I’m on repeat. I feel like I may as well just do everything as anything he does he doesn’t do properly. I don’t want to take a plate out the cupboard that has mustard still on it. I’m not a clean freak but there is a line and he’s below it. I said Danny devito because I didn’t want to say short fat hairy. I’m short fat and not hairy. We looked after each other at bad times in life. We have known each other since 2010 we’ve been together 4 years married 1 and a half and have a one year old. This has all come on worse since he was born. I guess I got low and the little things started to annoy me

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 12/03/2020 08:18

Yup, he's got you trapped at home and cast you innto the house-slave role,, so he doesn't need to bother any more.

Get a job. Then get him out.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 12/03/2020 08:20

I had one like that. Disgusting bastard. It didn't start until 2nd dc was born and I became a sahm

Hes now an ex

gamerchick · 12/03/2020 08:28

He knows how and I suspect the way his mother is is partly responsible for his rebellion now.

This won't get better OP. Seperate houses? It can work.

pinkyredrose · 12/03/2020 08:34

Did he only ever live with his mum and then move in with you? He sounds gross.

OldEvilOwl · 12/03/2020 08:42

I couldn't put up with that, he sounds vile

Shoxfordian · 12/03/2020 08:43

He's disgusting
He's capable of being clean but chooses not to because he doesn't respect you. Everything he does is a choice and all his choices say fuck you

TigerDater · 12/03/2020 08:58

Send him back to his mum for retraining

lmcneil003 · 12/03/2020 09:02

None of his behaviour matters because, as you wrote I love my husband to bits

I'm not sure why the strength of your love for him doesn't make you blind to his unpleasant habits.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 12/03/2020 09:05

Take a picture of each and every incident and put it on a slide show. Sounds drastic but People who do this downplay it and then portray you to outsiders as an unreasonable nag to gain sympathy for him and condemnation for you, which makes it even harder to put your foot down next time. Its enough to make you worry that you are unreasonably nagging but this will remind you that you are not.

It almost sounds like he thinks you are his mother and is paying back all the nagging he received over the years and enjoying it.

His attitude that its HIS home and he will do as HE pleases is at the heart of this. It really is a declaration that he is in charge and will decide how you both live your lives and you will obey him without complaint. He is not an absolute monarch. Its home to all three of you and with a young child hygiene is important.

He needs an intervention or a very loud wake up call. If this goes unchallenged at 35, imagine what it will be like when you have more children and their friends from school around or what it will be like when he's 55. Its not just the idea that you don't work so its your job to clean up his shit, its the lack of respect and lack of seeing you as an equal.

Any chance you could send him to live back at his mother's for a few weeks and see if she's still OK with his behaviour?
I'm sorry I can't think of any better solutions but your counsellor should be helping and supporting you a lot more.

Summercat · 12/03/2020 09:06

@katybob Hmm

he's pretty much danny devito to look at

WTF does this even mean? Confused Are you saying him looking like Danny is repugnant? Why the hell did you marry him and procreate with him then? Hmm

Your whole thread is beyond bizarre.

IdblowJonSnow · 12/03/2020 09:11

You need to go nuclear about this. Sounds like hes testing what you'll put up with.
Are you having counselling because of these issues? Because he is the issue.
I'd stop threatening and chuck him out for a bit. Hes taking the piss.
Good luck.

BovaryX · 12/03/2020 09:12

This sounds utterly repugnant. Can't you eject him out of the nearest window and call in professional fumigators?

scubadive · 12/03/2020 09:19

Hi op, it is important especially with a young baby or toddler to have some cleanliness. What happens when your child starts walking and walks to the toilet and puts their hand on his pee!

It’s the lack of respect for you and your feelings that’s the issue. You need to point out that if he wanted to live however he wants to then he shouldn’t have got married. Can you go to counselling together?

SmokedGlass · 12/03/2020 09:21

Have no words....is this actually for real
Who the hell could live like that let alone put up with it?
He’s Neanderthal

Thinkingabout1t · 12/03/2020 09:21

His mum is a Total clean freak he had to clean his own bathroom every morning after using it and wash up straight away.

So he does know how to be clean and he is able to do it. He is rebelling against Mummy, Katybob. But he’s put you in the role of Mummy.

Tell him you know he can do better than this. Maybe ask his mum for advice? She doesn’t want her grandchild growing up like that.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 12/03/2020 09:23

He's basically taking his mummy issues out on you. He has zero respect for you so how can he love you?

Funny he got worse after your DS was born. Did you work prior to that? Do you work now? Maybe he is jealous or thinks it's all your job. You are cleaning up after and looking after another person ahead of him.
Your son will think this is how women should be treated.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 12/03/2020 09:25

I second that about getting MIL involved...show him up and embarrass him for the dirty tramp he is....just vile.

madcatladyforever · 12/03/2020 09:26

I wonder if this is some kind of protest against the new baby as he now feels unloved (don't ask me why they do this I have no idea) or rebellion against his mother.
Either way he needs to know you don't feel like having sex with a slob.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 12/03/2020 09:27

I’d be asking his mum how she managed to make him clean after himself and I’d be doing it in front of him. I’d then list the things he does. I bet his mum would soon tell him to stop being so disgusting.

I’d then pack his bags. He has absolutely no respect for you.

madcatladyforever · 12/03/2020 09:28

My ex used to behave in a similar way whenever he felt I wasn't paying him enough attention. He's get his knob out and say "he's lonely". Unfortunately my disgust with his manchild behaviour meant we never had sex again.