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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My husband is disgusting

172 replies

katybob · 12/03/2020 03:00

I love my husband to bits but my god is he the most disgusting thing I’ve ever known. We pretty much eat the same foods but his trumps always stink of eggs. He trumps more than I’ve ever witnessed. He pees on the loo seat and doesn’t clean it up and if I say anything he goes all winey and says he’s sorry he’ll try to remember to wipe it. He doesn’t wash plates up properly they always have something on them. He chucks his dirty smokey smelly work tops back on the clean washing them they get confused with the clean and make the clean smell. He walks about naked. We have no curtains at the mo as just moved and he’s pretty much danny devito to look at. He heaves with out fail every morning when he brushes his teeth. If I ask him to clean he makes a big song and dance and then shows me the poo stained loo brush that he uses before he flushes and it’s covered in soggy loo roll. BTw might seem like I’m just bitching. I am my councillor suggested I find an outlet. I have a one year old boy with better manners than my 35 year old husband. What annoys me most. He wasn’t like it when he lived with his parents cus his mum wouldn’t have it. His answer to it now is it’s his house he will do as he pleases. He keeps making me boil. I hate him

OP posts:
bert3400 · 12/03/2020 05:43

How can you have sex or even share a bed with someone you hate. I would be brutally honest and tell him to sort his disgusting behaviour out or leave

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 12/03/2020 05:58

He has no respect for you. I wouldn’t put up with such disgusting behaviour.

heartyrebel · 12/03/2020 06:04

Men like that make me glad I'm single

Inthepurplerain · 12/03/2020 06:24

He is revolting. Can you have a serious chat wirh him? His behaviour is running you down and not only that, showing a complete lack of respect for you and your relationship.

Theres absolutely zero reason for someone to be using a toilet brush in an unflushed toilet unless they’re 5, if he needs to fart he should go to the bathroom.
If he washes up he should be using hot soapy water and ensuring every item is given a good scrub, can you buy a dishwasher?

Hope you get it sorted.

ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal · 12/03/2020 06:27

You started by saying you love him then finished with i hate him. Which is it?

I couldn't live with that.

Normalmumandwife · 12/03/2020 06:29

Ugg op. I don't understand why you married such a disgusting oik

CorianderLord · 12/03/2020 06:30

I thought you were going to say he was 70 not 35 and maybe he had begun to develop mobility issues but I see he's just a minging person.

Get a hose and when he comes in from work spray him

Brainengaged1 · 12/03/2020 06:32

Could you buy a higher house and put in in the annexe ? Or have a separate bathroom for him to use ( it will be a dump , but it’s ‘his dump’ no pun intended )

Tigerty · 12/03/2020 06:34

Looking at the pee in seat issue only. I have young boys who did this. Every time one of them did it I called them over and made them clean it up. Every. Single. Time.

That was the thing that worked. They were disgusted when I suggested I start doing it and they could sit in it but it didn’t have the effect of them stopping until they actually had to clean it.

You say his mother didn’t put up with it? Neither should you.

Tigerty · 12/03/2020 06:35

That’s clean their own pee up. I never actually pee’d on the seat!

GiveHerHellFromUs · 12/03/2020 06:35

He's absolutely disgusting and if he doesn't learn to respect you and your home your son will end up the same.

cordeliavorkosigan · 12/03/2020 06:37

I could not live like this, I think you have to split, or at the very least, tell him if he doesn't change you have to split. This is NOT the relationship you deserve or the one you want your DC learning from as a model. And, well... EEEEEEEWWWWWWW!!

JudyGemstone · 12/03/2020 06:44

'Normally I hate posts which criticise a hubby' 🤣🤣

Gobbycop · 12/03/2020 06:49

Sounds like a slob.

Tell him to buck his ideas up.

smiften · 12/03/2020 06:55

Catloveisreal, your husband using other people's toothbrushes is potentially dangerous. Read up on the science. Stop him.

KatherineJaneway · 12/03/2020 06:59

Gross. How can you live with him?

mindproject · 12/03/2020 07:02

Did you think he was a project when you met him?

mathanxiety · 12/03/2020 07:04

LTB

madcatladyforever · 12/03/2020 07:05

I think he really needs to know how you feel about him, no fannying about, and start withdrawing services like cooking and sex. Say you feel too revolted to have sex with him.
Go to counselling. If he says no say you'll leave him if he doesn't as you've reached breaking point.
He can't go on like this or you will hate him and want to leave.

TheVanguardSix · 12/03/2020 07:11

What guy goes straight from mum’s house to marriage? And how did he go from ‘Babymaking love machine’ to just effin’ gross?

longearedbat · 12/03/2020 07:11

Why you want to live with such a dirty slob I don't know, but assuming you want to try and salvage something, you are going to have to pull him up on his faults every single time and make him clear up after himself. This may well involve you shouting at him, moaning at him and generally berating him for being such a filthy slob - in short, you need to house train him. There is no need to be nice or subtle - show him the mess he's made or failed to clean and get him to clean up. Of course, this will all be exhausting and a bit like running around after a toddler, so I would totally understand if you decide that its all to much work and easier to show him the door.
Also you say you love him, and you hate him. Which is it?

lottiegarbanzo · 12/03/2020 07:11

A lot of that is pointless and deliberate. He's marking his territory, His slobdom extends wide. Your cleanliness is your weird problem. He's making you the antagonist, so he can feel got at and refuse to succumb to your nasty, freedom-limiting requests.

Catloveisreal · 12/03/2020 07:12

We have all removed our toothbrushes. Working on removing husband but that's proving a challenge.

FrankieManca · 12/03/2020 07:34

A lot of that is pointless and deliberate. He's marking his territory, ...He's making you the antagonist, so he can feel got at and refuse to succumb to your nasty, freedom-limiting requests

Yup. Playing ‘I’m the king of the castle by being the dirty rascal’.

His answer to it now is it’s his house he will do as he pleases

If I ask him to clean he makes a big song and dance and then shows me the poo stained loo brush that he uses before he flushes

Yup: you challenge him and he literally shoves shit under your nose.

Who sticks the big brush into shit before flushing? He is doing this deliberately.

Talk this through with your counsellor.

mathanxiety · 12/03/2020 07:45

Quite honestly, you should pack his clothes and leave them dumped outside.

The slovenliness, the nudity, the pee on the toilet seat and waving the shitty loo brush at you, and insistence that it's his turf and therefore what you want doesn't matter at all - this is appalling and completely uncivilised, and not the behaviour or attitude of someone who respects or loves his wife.

You would be better off with a red arsed baboon for a housemate.

I would tell him to shape up or find somewhere else for himself to live. Certainly there would be no more sharing a bed and no physical contact of any kind, no more meals cooked for him, no more sitting with him for meals, no more laundry.