Served drinks by topless girls

[mamato3lads]

Afternoon ladies

Some of you might remember my post about DH going to benidorm for a stag do and my anxiety around that.

Well, hes going, with my blessing and a genuine hope he enjoys himself. However due to me finding porn and other things on his phone last year, we have had a bad year and I have asked for complete honesty as any lies, no matter how small, are going to floor me. So we discussed benidorm and he said they weren't going to a lap dance club (which I would NOT have liked) but they are booked in to a place where the girls serve the drinks topless. Not naked but boobs out.

I don't know what to make of this or how to react. I mumbled when he first told me as the kids were about and I needed to be sure I wasnt being a dickhead about this

But now I have time to think I'm.just not sure
Is this ok?? Am I trying too hard here to accept this is what happens on stag dogs?? I just dont know
Obviously i would rather he didnt spend the evening with a load of topless women but I dont want to be a stick in the mud and I am 99% sure he wouldn't cheat on me.

Would you be ok with this ? Is it just lads stuff no harm or should I be tougher on him and say I'm not happy?

Depending on when they intend to go, their might be travel restrictions because of the virus. So they might not go anyway.

If you've given your blessing already, then I would just try to put it out of your mind. Topless I don't know. We see a lot more than that on tv theses days. Besides, the groom will be the focus for that part and I imagine the guys will be going around the area drinking cheap beer and acting like fools at the water park and doing bad karaoke.

Girls trip to a male strip show, even the score.

Just what men do

How ridiculous. I pity the man you're with because you clearly don't think very highly of him.

@MozzchopsThirty

You dont CARE where your DH is , until 4.30am....and you care so little you didnt even ask him?

Call me controlling all you like love but fuck being in a relationship like yours where you dont seem to give a shit ! Hes probably getting up to all sorts but because you dont care, neither does he.

I'd take my 18 year relationship with a few little issues over yours any day

No I don't because I know he's just out with the boys, having a drink and a laugh
I know I'm the person he thinks about when he goes to sleep and as soon as he wakes up

It's not that I don't care, but I don't have to care, I trust him, I know he loves me, so what if he looks at tits 💁🏼‍♀️ he knows what he's got at home is so much better

And if he didn't know that then he wouldn't be worth keeping
I'd rather be on my own than with a man I need to control or dominate

I dont control or dominate. I ponder, we discuss, I cant always move on but i think my posts show i dont lay this shit on him, trying to control him ffs. I keep most of it to myself.

However, no matter what, you will never hear me say "my partner went out till 4.30am, probably went to a lap dancing bar, I dont care" because that would mean my relationship was a pile of shit. DH and I care greatly about each other and that would never be cool, - why the hell dont you care? Not about trust at all, just that you should care in my book where your husband is and if hes spent the evening with a naked women gyrating on him. Call me old fashioned

@mamato3lads Why does he wait in the sauna for you? Do you ever get time away from him?

It doesn't mean my relationship is shit

I've been married to that man who makes me feel insecure and like shit

In this relationship I have 100% trust
It doesn't matter who is showing him their tits or gyrating on him because he always comes home to me

Of course he comes home to you. That's where he lives. Plus he knows you'll never ask questions as long as he plods on home to you, doesnt matter what he's done whilst out, you dont care and hes got a free ticket. He can do what he likes, have some other womens fanny and tits all over him, leering at them with his mates. But as long as he comes home to you eh ? Fuck that. theres limits to how casual and nonchalant you should be in a committed relationship.

@userxx he goes for a sauna while I do yoga. I sometimes go alone but generally together, doesn't bother me as we have a swim then grab a drink/snack in the bar after, it's nice xx

I served drinks to topless women. I had a summer job working in a naturist camp. I started off thinking, wow these people are weird wanting to walk around in the nude. I then finished the season and walked away from it thinking, wow we've got some real hangups about nakedness in our society.

This thread just confirms the near hysteria some people have over a naked body. It's very weird to be so upset about boobs.

@AlwaysInTroubleAgain what a disengenuous comparison that is. Women serving drinks in topless bars will be of a particular body type and age. They aren't topless as an ideological standpoint. They are topless for the male gaze and for titillation. It's crass and demeaning. For all involved.

OP, I wouldn’t care if my husband went to a club and had a lap dance.
It does not mean we let them walk over us, it doesn’t make us bad wives, it doesn’t mean we don’t have standards. We just view things differently to you.
I had the upmost respect and understanding for you until you showed your true colours.

A mans chest shouldn’t be viewed different to a woman.

Yea, maybe if you live in fairy tale land.

True colours? It's my opinion. Like you have yours. The poster I was talking to had insinuated that because i objected to my husband having a naked women rub her bits all over him in a bar , i was in some way controlling.

Which is patently rubbish.

I cannot understand why you'd be ok with your husband going out and acting like a single man. Lap dancers are not for married men. And if your husband spends half the night out on the town frequenting such places and you dont even care, then that to me says you have a problem. That's not a man, or a relationship I'd want any part of !

Lap dancers are not for married men

I’d correct you there OP, as in my opinion lap dancers are not for men who respect women, married or not.

And I'd agree @Derbee

Haha OP you’ve come out fighting today!

@Notcoolmum

If it’s equal employment rights you are unhappy about I hear yah. If you don’t get the job due to age / body shape then you have a strong case to litigate.

Not a chance. And not because of cheating. But because it's fucking grim, tacky and exploitative and I wouldn't want to be with a man who objectifies women in such a vile and demeaning way. Topless women serving drinks? FFS. What a fucked up sexist world we still live in.

@mamato3lads Everyone has different levels about what they're comfortable with. I have been happily married for a long time and have never once been tempted to stray though I've had offers. But I would feel deeply uncomfortable living in each others pockets as you do with your DH. You have explained how you aren't interested in seeing your friends and that you just want to be home and with your DH all the time. I just don't think it healthy to invest all of yourself and all of your time into the one person. It's just too much pressure on that person if they know they have to be all and everything to you all of the time. It's that I find very controlling behaviour rather than how you react to specific events.

It's the casual objectification of women I have an issue with @AlwaysInTroubleAgain as you are fully aware. Men who think women should parade around with their tits out for their titillation are not men I want to associate with. And I'm sure they would feel differently if it were their daughters being leered over in this way.

If you all live in the UK - strip clubs are heavily regulated. No one is there under duress.
Women who work there choose to be there. Some enjoy ‘titillating’, some think of that as an easy way to make some money.
(And before you all say women can’t possibly enjoy dojng it - look at the free websites - Girls gone wild, etc - where women do that, for free. Then there are also the women in all kinds of skimpy clothes we see around - and if ‘titillation’ wasn’t the purpose - I do not know what is)

So - strip clubs is a place where adults exchange in consensual activities - watching and being watched.
As a female I can enjoy watching a sexy looking man, and even possibly imagine having sex with him. It’s healthy and human and is just a fantasy.

Good for you OP, glad to see you standing up for yourself. Of course it's not controlling to not want your husband behaving like that, what a ridiculous thing for people to say.

Derbee I agree with all your posts. Men who catagorise women as either "tits" or "wife", and adjust the level of respect they show accordingly, are misogynists.

@peaceanddove

Agreed. I know we spend way too much time together, it's always led my DH and where I've been bringing up the boys it's been easier to just stay home. I am.slowly expanding things though and intend to continue as I know a little independence will do our relationship then world of good. Dh will.disagree... but I'll go gentle on him