Served drinks by topless girls

[mamato3lads]

Afternoon ladies

Some of you might remember my post about DH going to benidorm for a stag do and my anxiety around that.

Well, hes going, with my blessing and a genuine hope he enjoys himself. However due to me finding porn and other things on his phone last year, we have had a bad year and I have asked for complete honesty as any lies, no matter how small, are going to floor me. So we discussed benidorm and he said they weren't going to a lap dance club (which I would NOT have liked) but they are booked in to a place where the girls serve the drinks topless. Not naked but boobs out.

I don't know what to make of this or how to react. I mumbled when he first told me as the kids were about and I needed to be sure I wasnt being a dickhead about this

But now I have time to think I'm.just not sure
Is this ok?? Am I trying too hard here to accept this is what happens on stag dogs?? I just dont know
Obviously i would rather he didnt spend the evening with a load of topless women but I dont want to be a stick in the mud and I am 99% sure he wouldn't cheat on me.

Would you be ok with this ? Is it just lads stuff no harm or should I be tougher on him and say I'm not happy?

@ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings

What total nonsense. You're saying the OP should set 'standards' that she's sees as reasonable, despite the fact they are quite unreasonable. So this poor DH can't eat apples on a Tuesday/look at other women/go on a stag do/see friends on a night out..... because the OP doesn't feel comfortable with it, and it's how she feels that is the only deciding factor? No reference to reasonable demands, discussion and compromise, treating her own anxiety or just seeing things from someone else's point of view?

Basically you're saying OPs views are all important and if a man doesn't reach this impossible standard (of unreasonableness) he doesn't get a look in. You're sentencing the OP to a lifetime alone.

Mmmomdd I think we are all adult enough here not to be naive enough to have what I went through to be transferred on to her judgment 😂 it's like me replying on here I don't like a certain chocolate bar because it's too chocolatey and then the op not liking it either . Come on

Also all these comments about trust . Half these strippers wouldn't look at your boyfriends or husbands twice . It's about them getting turned on looking at another half naked women ! Men are different. They are visual . Men get turned on by this stuff a group of men going to see them ate totally different to us women who go to see a stripper . To us it's a laugh but to ken I don't think so . Just my opinion so don't bite my head off

Insinuation

So - you are saying - when women see hot sexy men we don’t feel any sexual arousal?
When do women in your world feel attraction????

It’s unfair to say - women seeing male strippers is fine, men - not.

Just what men do

Your not controlling so ignore the idiots saying so 🙄 i would not be ok with this at all! I also wouldnt be ok with my partner watching LIVE sex shows or going to strip clubs... i am however fine with porn even watch it myself. Its on a tv screen/phone not a person in the same room all over my partner probably offering "Extras". Its disrespectful and i can never understand how men and women can think this is ok while in a relationship?! Each to there own but i know my partner would be same if i was to go to places like this. It would be the end of my relationship from both sides!

Josuk most men go to see strippers for arousal purpose women don't . Well I don't nor do my friends

It really doesn’t matter whether most of us to think it’s ok to see strippers or not irrespective of our genders or the genders we are looking at.

The OP is feeling uncomfortable about this and has expressed this. So have many women to their partners and men to theirs. This is about a person expressing her views on certain behaviours. She’s fully entitled to do that.
Just because done women like being tied up and strangled in sex, goes to mean we all should. Just because some of us don’t eat meat, doesn’t mean we think animals cruelty is great. It just means we like meat.
We all have different viewpoints. Op is merely expressing hers and has expressed hers to her dp. He has told her he’s accepted those. He’s now implying he is telling the truth yet OP is thinking . That’s up to her.
Neither are wrong in their opinions but I do feel with such different view points, neither ought to be together. It’s literally as simple as that.

inasituation87

I don’t think you can speak for all women. And it’s very stereotyping too, both to women and to men.
Women also get aroused by visuals. It’s just human.
If you didn’t like the look of naked men - and just wanted laughs - you’d go to a stand up club.
But you, just like men for for the same exact reason - it’s a little risqué, a little tantalising, a little power play - over the dancers - you pay them to do what you want, push social norms, etc.
So - let’s not pretend that somehow its more ok for you do do so

I wouldn't like a bloke I was seeing to be looking at other girls baps (IRL) I don't think, but then I've just got out of a 'relationship' where the bloke was really gross, so it's put me off blokes doing anything a bit sleazy.

I have been to a strip club once or twice with a boyfriend as I'm bi. Think I'd feel better about it if I was going with the bloke rather than him going on his own/with mates.

friendineed Yes, I'm saying everyone gets to set their own bar in a relationship. If something is a deal breaker for you, then it's a deal breaker for you. Some things can be compromised on, others can't, and every gets the right to decide for themselves what falls into each catagory. For example, I would live near my parents, dp would like to live near his. We compromised and live in the middle. But I strongly oppose the sex industry in all its forms, so if he wanted to watch porn, go to strip clubs etc, then I'd break up with him. End of. No compromise. That's my line. He's not a prisoner, he has a choice, he can be in a relationship with me, or he can behave in a way that is fundamentally opposed to my values. I think the OP, and indeed everyone male or female, should choose for themselves what can be compromised on, and what can't. And no, I don't think it has to be reasonable. If you only want to date men who don't eat apples on Tuesday then that's up to you. Your dating pool will be really really small, but if that's your line then that's your line. I'd rather be single til the end of my days than be with a man who visited strip bars, and if a few more women took that position I suspect a few less men would choose to visit them. Its not dooming the op to a life of loneliness, its encouraging the op to set her own standards so that the relationship actually works for her. At the moment the Ops form of "compromise" seems to be "I'm unhappy, we discuss it, nothing changes, and I stew in my resentment while my husband does whatever he wishes". Having your own standards, limits, boundaries, and needs in a relationship isn't "controlling" nor does it doom you to be single forever. It just gives you a fighting change of finding someone that actually makes you happy and doesn't leave you eternally suppressing your own feelings to placate others.

Women are just as ‘visual’ as men. That myth was debunked years ago. If I remember rightly in tests it’s the women’s bodies that showed much higher signs of arousal than the men’s when shown a series of images.
Men being more visual and needing porn, strippers etc is a myth made up, by men in order to control women into a) acting up for them and b) not questioning their own men when they partake of such pleasures.
Also... men stripping and male strip clubs are not set up in the same way for titillation as women’s strip clubs are.
Men is definitely set up more for hen crowds and a laugh. It is very rare that any woman would go and pay hundreds of pounds secretly to watch men strip.
There’s a reason why lap dancing clubs are mainly staffed by women for men.

Josuk let's not pretend that's it's ok for me to do so ? Well for a start I don't ever go to see strippers and would never if I was with someone . In my last post I was giving an example ? I take it your male ?

inasituation87

Stereotyping again. 😂🤷🏻‍♀️
Your posts mentioned ‘you and your friends going to strip clubs for laughs’, etc.
And you seemed to also say it’s OK because those visuals aren’t arousing to you and your friends. But men - well for THEM it wasn’t ok as it was arousing.

I am a woman in my 40s with kids. I just think that fairness is important. And men, won’t many of their shortcomings, aren’t all some sort of one dimensional creatures.

Josuk I'm done wasting my night having a debate with you . I wrote on here for the op not for an argument . Goodnight

Isn't it just really exhausting getting so wound up about your husbands friends stAg do OP ? Not to mention policing what he has on his phone. !

Trust issues because he had porn in his phone last year ??? Really ? How is that different from 90% of the male smart phone using population. ..? and because you have made a song and dance about what the looks at on the PRIVACY of HIS OWN PHONE .. you now believe he has stopped and you have switched your obsession in controlling his behaviour on to this stag do.. (you do understand that he hasn't stopped looking at porn don't you ? He has just got better at deleting his history.. )

The issue here is not your DH going to a stag do. It's all about you having to control everything.

Yes lighten up OP, its only a bit of porn on your partners phone, and topless women and strip clubs on a stag night... Maybe a bit of therapy would help you get over your controlling attitude...
Really???? OP not all men in a relationship have porn on their phones and go to see semi naked women for fun. It's not YOUR problem. Unbelievable.

I just don't know how you can all get so worked up about this
My partner went out last nite, got in at 4.30am, probably ended up in a lap dancing bar

But I don't ask, because I don't care, he messaged me on his way home.
It's about trust
I think a lot of this is women controlling men and it's just as bad as men controlling women

If you don't like it find another partner

@MozzchopsThirty presumably you trust your partner to be able to categorise women into “tits” and “wife” to adjust his level of respect in each setting? And presumably you also think this is ok?

Just because your partner is a creep who doesn’t fully respect women, and thinks that they’re there to pay to show their tits, doesn’t mean other people are wrong. It means your partner has a warped view, and so do you by allowing it.

@derbee

Judgemental much! Jesus, you’re just as bad making comments like that.

Yes, I judge men that pay women so they can ogle them. And I judge women that encourage/allow it.

I believe in equality and respect.

Personally I wouldn't marry a man who goes to these events. I'd rather be with a man who wouldn't dream of going to that kind of event but then I was born in a different era.
I cannot ever imagine my grandfather who was a wonderful man ever doing anything like this as a young man.
He'd turn the tv off if the programme was even a little bit racy.
Where there is alcohol and these kind of surroundings you can never ever rule out cheating. Sorry.
You'll probably have to never ask him and hope nothing happened, that's as good as it gets.

@Derbee good for you, I'm sure you're much better than everyone who might disagree with you

Let's play reverse and say if you were going to a hen do with male strippers or butlers in the buff or something. And your partner didn't approve or didn't want you to go. What would you think OP?

I'd tell him to fuck off