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Original poster

Served drinks by topless girls

181 replies

mamato3lads · 06/03/2020 13:10

Afternoon ladies

Some of you might remember my post about DH going to benidorm for a stag do and my anxiety around that.

Well, hes going, with my blessing and a genuine hope he enjoys himself. However due to me finding porn and other things on his phone last year, we have had a bad year and I have asked for complete honesty as any lies, no matter how small, are going to floor me. So we discussed benidorm and he said they weren't going to a lap dance club (which I would NOT have liked) but they are booked in to a place where the girls serve the drinks topless. Not naked but boobs out.

I don't know what to make of this or how to react. I mumbled when he first told me as the kids were about and I needed to be sure I wasnt being a dickhead about this

But now I have time to think I'm.just not sure
Is this ok?? Am I trying too hard here to accept this is what happens on stag dogs?? I just dont know
Obviously i would rather he didnt spend the evening with a load of topless women but I dont want to be a stick in the mud and I am 99% sure he wouldn't cheat on me.

Would you be ok with this ? Is it just lads stuff no harm or should I be tougher on him and say I'm not happy? Sad

OP posts:
Iambloodystarving · 06/03/2020 14:27

You do not sound controlling to AT ALL.
You sound like you are thinking through some things.
I would have an intense dislike of my husband siting around drinking with women serving him in a state of undress.
Why would he need/want that. What would he do? Laugh? Look? Critique them? How would he think the women feel with men drinking - strong, confident and safe? Exposed? Watchful, just in case?
Surely the dignity of others is important in our daily lives?

GilbertMarkham · 06/03/2020 14:32

Surely the dignity of others is important in our daily lives?

Dignity?

They're just "things", things to leer at, things to try to touch up. Sure they wouldn't be doing it if they're weren't shameless, hard-nosed and slutty anyway. They probably enjoy it, just like strippers and porn actresses enjoy it.

(Irony in case anyone had trouble identifying it).

MasterMargarita · 06/03/2020 14:35

@KaptenKrusty just out of interest, why would you not mind at all? Is it confidence thing? Or 100% trust in your partner?

otterturk · 06/03/2020 14:36

If my partner was the sort of "lad" who wanted to go to something like this, he would not be the sort of person I would want to be with.

NoMoreDickheads · 06/03/2020 14:38

What did you find on his phone etc OP?

DesLynamsMoustache · 06/03/2020 14:42

I think it's tacky and gross but then I wouldn't be with someone who thought trips to Benidorm and grotty topless bars were a fun way to spend time in the first place because we would be fundamentally different people. Sounds like a bunch of pissed-up chavs abroad, really.

KaptenKrusty · 06/03/2020 14:54

Anyone telling another adult what they can & can't do is controlling though! You can't !

You can tell him it upsets you and if he still goes then you need to deal with that - and if you can't handle it then you are with the wrong man!

I agree it sounds like a shite night out tbh - and super tacky - but whatever - if that's what they want to do with their night I don't see the problem!

Problem is deffo bigger than this

MasterMargarita · 06/03/2020 14:58

@KaptenKrusty so if your DP told you he/she wants to have someone else's tits in his/her face you'd be like 'Cool no worries' because otherwise you'd come across as controlling?

SidsWife · 06/03/2020 15:02

This wouldn’t bother me what so ever.

userxx · 06/03/2020 15:02

I'd be ok with it. Try not to worry too much.

Moomin8 · 06/03/2020 15:04

A mans chest shouldn’t be viewed different to a woman.

That's bollocks. I can't believe anyone can post such rubbish.

Objectification of women is worse than objectification of men. Vastly. That's because women are the ones who've had to fight to be treated as equals and still aren't.

ritzbiscuits · 06/03/2020 15:04

TBH, if you've already given blessing for him to go, I can't imagine you're going to be able to stop him going to a club like that if you don't want him to go. He'll just go along and lie to you I would imagine.

More broadly, I hate 'lads' and the general disrespect these type of men have for their partners. Sorry to say it, but I would personally be reevaluating your relationship overall. I wouldn't want to be married to someone who goes on lad holidays/stag dos in Benidorm etc.

I appreciate it's extremely difficult if you have children together.

LittleCabbage · 06/03/2020 15:05

If my partner was the sort of "lad" who wanted to go to something like this, he would not be the sort of person I would want to be with.

Totally agree. I don't think you'll change how your partner views women, but you can change whether or not you stay with him.

Fleamaker123 · 06/03/2020 15:05

OP, if it's making you feel unhappy, then it's not right for you. Some people wouldn't mind, and that's entirely up to them. I wouldn't be ok with it. My partner's the same, so it's not an issue, and it never will be. That's fine too. We all have differences boundaries in relationships, if it's not right for you, and that's the way you feel, you can say it

Moomin8 · 06/03/2020 15:07

I'm surprised at people who say they wouldn't be bothered about their dh participating in something that objectifies women in such a way - how sad that this is seen as normal .

How would you feel about your daughters serving men drinks with their boobs out?

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/03/2020 15:08

It's tacky, sexist, treats women's bodies like entertainment and is the thin end of a slimy, sordid industry.

Wouldn't be about cheating for me. It would be about his attitude towards women.

carlyclock · 06/03/2020 15:08

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest, but I'm not insecure in my relationship. That has to be a factor. It's only a pair of tits. Literally he can see tits. He will see lots of tits in Benidorm. If you think your relationship is under threat because he will see a pair of tits you really do have a problem.

Moomin8 · 06/03/2020 15:09

@carlyclock if your daughter was doing that job, how would you feel?

Moomin8 · 06/03/2020 15:11

It is all about context. It's not about naked bodies but rather deliberate objectification of women as entertainment

Babdoc · 06/03/2020 15:11

OP, it’s completely irrelevant whether any women on here are, or are not, ok with their partners being sexist pigs who go to titty bars.
All that matters is whether YOU are ok with it. And whether you can actually love and trust a man who wants to do this and chooses the sort of friends who want to do it too.
If you were my DD, I’d feel I failed to bring you up with sufficient self esteem, if this is the kind of lowlife you are considering as a suitable life partner, but it’s your call.

carlyclock · 06/03/2020 15:13

if your daughter was doing that job, how would you feel?

What difference does that make? I responded to the post about a man being served by a topless woman.

To answer your question, I won't lie, I would be horrified if my daughter wanted to make a living serving drinks in Benidorm, topless or otherwise. That however doesn't change the basics in that I take no issue with my husband seeing someone else's tits.

Greenkit · 06/03/2020 15:15

Tacky, disgusting, and so out dated

I wouldn't want to be with a man who treated women like this, for fun or otherwise.

Its not 'just what lads do'

carlyclock · 06/03/2020 15:15

It is all about context. It's not about naked bodies but rather deliberate objectification of women as entertainment

Well the context IS that OP doesn't want him looking at boobs and she also connected it to cheating (99% sure he wouldn't), not objectification of women

Olawisk · 06/03/2020 15:20

@anotherdisaster - this wasn’t sticky Vicky Grin although I did see her as well. Her routine was more of a pole dance along with pulling stuff out of her bits. No ping pong balls though! It also isn’t the original Vicky either. I think it’s her daughter that does it now but I could be wrong 🤷🏼‍♀️

This was just in a random bar leading up to the strip that advertised a show at 1/2am so we stopped to watch it.

I was gob smacked when he took the lolly from her and there was other participants in the audience during the show as well doing various things. She stripped another man to his boxers as well (he let her).

We were all just stunned at some of the stuff she did.

@BigSandyBalls2015 - the place was very tacky but so is Benidorm. It was a hen do and there was 20 of us.

OP if your not happy about the trip you need to tell him but a few naked women serving drinks is nothing compared to the shows and normal stuff happening over there.
You either trust him to go or you don’t. You have every right to feel how you do and draw a line.

Devlesko · 06/03/2020 15:20

If it bothered me my dh wouldn't be going.
Yours seems to not care about your view, and of course he'll be lapping it up.
He'll be having private dances and all sorts. I couldn't pay my dh to go, but I wouldn't mind if he wanted to and I don't mind porn, watch it myself.