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Original poster

Served drinks by topless girls

181 replies

mamato3lads · 06/03/2020 13:10

Afternoon ladies

Some of you might remember my post about DH going to benidorm for a stag do and my anxiety around that.

Well, hes going, with my blessing and a genuine hope he enjoys himself. However due to me finding porn and other things on his phone last year, we have had a bad year and I have asked for complete honesty as any lies, no matter how small, are going to floor me. So we discussed benidorm and he said they weren't going to a lap dance club (which I would NOT have liked) but they are booked in to a place where the girls serve the drinks topless. Not naked but boobs out.

I don't know what to make of this or how to react. I mumbled when he first told me as the kids were about and I needed to be sure I wasnt being a dickhead about this

But now I have time to think I'm.just not sure
Is this ok?? Am I trying too hard here to accept this is what happens on stag dogs?? I just dont know
Obviously i would rather he didnt spend the evening with a load of topless women but I dont want to be a stick in the mud and I am 99% sure he wouldn't cheat on me.

Would you be ok with this ? Is it just lads stuff no harm or should I be tougher on him and say I'm not happy? Sad

OP posts:
TheWordmeister · 06/03/2020 17:59

My dh doesn’t think objectifying women is ok, what with him being a decent sort of intelligent bloke and all. He’d have zero respect for any ‘man’ that did.

Think of those poor, pathetic women doing that for a living with grubby little twits leching over them. Really not ok imo.

DingleberryRose · 06/03/2020 18:35

My dh doesn’t think objectifying women is ok, what with him being a decent sort of intelligent bloke and all

He probably tells you what you want to hear but would be the first one to join if if you weren’t about! 😂

ChristmasFluff · 06/03/2020 18:50

I'd lose all respect for him and it would turn me off him. I don't like men who view women as sex objects and objects of titillation. We would not be suited so I'd dump him.

He of course would then call me an ugly lesbian killjoy. Like I'd care what he thought.

SinkGirl · 06/03/2020 18:51

He probably tells you what you want to hear but would be the first one to join if if you weren’t about!

It’s really sad that you think that a man disliking this sort of thing is such an impossibility that he must be lying.

ChristmasFluff · 06/03/2020 18:52

Oh, @DingleberryRose, that's just what the men you have learned to tolerate have conditioned you to believe!

Decent men do not do this.

ABlackRussian · 06/03/2020 18:58

Would your partner be happy for you to be served drinks from men with their ducks out?

Granted, they do not look as good as breasts, but you get my point.

Georgia2001 · 06/03/2020 20:28

It’s now sticky Vickys daughter !

We go to Benidorm every year and there are naked girls at the front of some of the bars on podiums for all to see I spose it comes down to weather you trust him or not. It’s a very full on nigh life scene loads of stags and hens and lots of prostitutes as well sadly x

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/03/2020 20:30

Would your partner be happy for you to be served drinks from men with their ducks out?

I would 100% attend a duck bar. Waddling around. Aaawwwwwwww plus 🐥

allyjay · 06/03/2020 20:41

Nah couldn't be arsed with this at all. It's a no from me

Oldrockman · 07/03/2020 00:55

It seems a bit of a sad place to me, the sheer idea of someone serving me drinks where they are requires to be half naked is pretty repulsive. Hell even these bars like Hooters? Are pretty vile this takes it to a different level. I would feel a disrespectful a hole to who ever I was with if I went to any of these type of places, would think little of myself even if single to be honest.

Peanut55 · 07/03/2020 01:19

It wouldn't fly with me.

I would find it extremely disrespectful. It's great that he told you, but I would certainly let him know how it makes you feel.

Buying into the culture and keeping it alive. I normally go with the "let's hope our daughter's life never gets so low that she would have to take her top off and serve men drinks for a living. Poor girls, having sweaty men oogle over them over a 2 euro pint" that soon makes him think differently.

nosleepp · 07/03/2020 01:27

I wouldn’t accept this. Not necessarily because I don’t trust him (I don’t have a partner, ‘he’ is imaginary) but because I’d lose respect for a man who did something like this. I just think it’s really sleazy and don’t like the idea of a group of men ogling over some women’s boobs.

ChristmasFlint · 07/03/2020 01:46

Meh, it would be fine with me. DH has gone on similar stag dos. I really wouldn't dream of trying to control what he does or doesn't do especially not out of insecurity. It doesn't sound like your DH has much of a social life going and this is an opportunity to see old friends. I know some women would rather their husbands went on a baby seal clubbing expedition than go to strip club but it wouldn't bother me.

1forAll74 · 07/03/2020 03:28

Yes I can understand why you would be put out by all this Benidorm boobs stuff If you are young and have a husband/partner. I am an oldie and single now, and can laugh about things like this.

But in the late sixties era,when first married,,My then husband, and his badminton club friends, went to a then well know Derbyshire pub,that advertised Sunday strippers.

He later told me, that the strippers all stripped off completely. some inviting men on stage,to perform with the men, as in doing sexual positions,without doing actual sex. He then said,that various women came down into the audience,and nakedly straddled some men whilst they were drinking their pints of beer, and several of the women were thrusting their boobs into men's beer glasses ha ha.

As I said, this was late 1960 era., in a small village , on a Sunday lunch time.. My late husband said,that even two of the local policemen came in for a pint and a gawp.! So maybe don't worry about a stag do in Benidorm.

probablysue · 07/03/2020 05:59

So he rarely goes out and he didn’t plan this. So he sees a few boobs and says “corrr” I don’t think this is a problem in the grand scheme of things. If he’s a generally good and caring partner then maybe try looking at things with a sense of humour. What the worst that could happen? He decides to stay in Benidorm, shacks up with the waitress (because she fell in love with him the moment she saw him?)...I’m just saying think it logically through. He’s not Ryan Reynolds. The topless girl isn’t interested in him.

Double3xposure · 07/03/2020 07:03

If my partner was the sort of "lad" who wanted to go to something like this, he would not be the sort of person I would want to be with

Exactly this. Same if he wanted to go to a club to watch black people or Jews be degraded. I wouldn’t want to be with him, however many people on this thread said

“ it’s normal, he doesn’t want to be the only one left out “ or

“ the Jews enjoy it, they get paid good money you know “.

jeaux90 · 07/03/2020 07:08

I wouldn't want to be with someone who thinks it's ok to objectify women in this way.

I am against strip clubs and similar becuse women were not put on this earth to be commodities for men to consume.

I think you could do a lot better. I think you'd be happier single than with this sleaze bag.

fantasmasgoria1 · 07/03/2020 07:13

I would not be happy with it. Mind you my fiance said the idea of a drunken stag do, abroad with blokes being stupid and leering at naked women isn't his thing. But you are obviously feeling unhappy and uncomfortable with it otherwise you would not have posted.

mintyt · 07/03/2020 07:16

When I was younger I would have been beside myself upset, but now I'm not I just think it's sad that they go

Ozziewozzie · 07/03/2020 08:02

I think that rather than stop him from going (he and his friends think it’s ok) just find yourself a guy who doesn’t like porn, sticky Vikki, top less bars etc.

You are always going to worry about this. When he gets back, he’ll get an interrogation from you. Then you won’t believe his answers, so then you’ll dig into his stuff, then you’ll find out he’s lied, then you’ll be waving the pointy finger at him saying ‘he lied because he’s hits lots more to hide’

I don’t think you’re wrong in your viewpoint, or he in his. But I do think you’re wrong to stay together with such strong different viewpoints in this particular subject matter.
Not all guys watch poem and go to topless bars. You’d be far more secure with a chap who only views you as his sex goddess.

Ozziewozzie · 07/03/2020 08:05

^ watch porn not poem.....if only they all were into poetry. Grin

CloudsCanLookLikeSheep · 07/03/2020 08:10

I wouldn't care enough to make it want yo control my fiance to the extent of not bring allowed to go when the other guys are.

I tend to avoid control in relationships, that's why you need someone who is right for you on the first place.

Greenkit · 07/03/2020 08:35

It's not really about control though, it's about respect.

Turn it on its head and think about him...is he the sort of man who enjoys leering at half/full naked women in a drunken bar?

Is that the sort of man you want to be with?

That is your question, not do you trust him...

LuluJakey1 · 07/03/2020 08:43

I wouldn't be happy-but DH would never go to either Benidorm or a bar like that. His time of stag nights is past and even then they were a few drinks in the town and something to eat.

Figgygal · 07/03/2020 08:44

I’m more worried that you are suggesting in your update he only goes to work and gym do neither of you have a life away from each other? That’s very unhealthy

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