Dating Thread 186 - Heading into Spring with thicker skin and a new outlook on dating

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@TigerDater I'm not sure! I think its just one of those days. I could use company just someone to snuggle on the sofa with really!

Cat - have you and Miss Haircut discussed not dating others yet?

Dazed - me too. Hope you feel a little better soon, I think weekends are the worst!

@Dazedandconfused10 me too it's hard being on your own sometimes, especially as the weather starts to improve I find.

I'm glad others have found that post resonates too. It's really made me think. And for some reason I was anxious about posting it, worrying that people would think I was being rude... Hmm, feeling a bit vulnerable clearly makes me a bit paranoid too!

@bangheadhere40 It is a huge effort, and tough mentally too. I tend to believe everyone is genuine, as I don't want to be cynical about people but that does open me up to getting hurt.

I agree with the multi-dating too - I found myself getting carried away with having so many (well, a few) irons, but didn't like being "that guy". I've always struggled previously to meet women, so I felt a bit like a kid in a candy shop when I started getting all these matches over the last month or so. It's been a learning experience, and the comments on this thread have helped me come back to earth, and hopefully be a slightly better person.

I've not had a chance to speak to Miss Haircut yet - we probably won't see each other for at least a week now due to work etc... and I'd prefer to speak face to face rather than text. Plus she isn't a big texter either so doesn't get in touch that often unless I instigate it. I've already decided to not go on any other dates though until we do have that conversation.

I’ve read that post now misty and thank you, it’s made me remember that I must let Mr GN in more because he really does do all that nice stuff, and I’m guilty of dismissing/overlooking it while I moan about my gin and continue my weird 2 year tango with Mr Mad (just via messaging now). I’m going to buy Mr GN his own bottle of gin 😂 and delete Mr Mad’s number and chat.

Happy international women’s day to us all!

To those feeling a little lonely on their sofas, 💐 and 🧁 and🍹- summer is just around the corner!

@bangheadhere40 Just saddened that it’s only after so much miserable treatment (and @Dazedandconfused10) and getting into bed with these appalling men that are boundaries are only then re established.

I would simply wait 6 months. If they are still around and happy to be in touch after that then that is relationship potential. There are obvious exceptions but the abusive use of vulnerable women I am reading about on this thread is, quite frankly, sickening.

And yes. It has all happened to me too. Ghosting, narcissistic treatment, physical and emotional bullying. I have tried the casual route too but am consistently left empty and ultimately distressed.

I will no longer online date and am coming to terms that I might never meet another partner. But in better form, have held onto one man from my year of dating and we still do go out after 5 months and talk on the phone supportively. We seemed to accept the restrictions of our current life set up. He’s a widower.

Some women do enjoy what I can’t and I don’t think I am saying please don’t. Simply if if is making you feel distressed, observe it now and act. Wait it out. Don’t have them in your homes. The better ones or those that want more of a relationship focus are more likely to stay in touch.

@Dazedandconfused10 dazed, why are you feeling low, i thought things were going really well with Mr Army?

@tigerdater buying mr GN his own fun sounds like the perfect solution

I'm not sure! I think it's more I'm arranging for my ex to get the rest of his stuff from the house and i just dont want to see him and dont feel very civil towards him right now. Things with the iron - I don't know I haven't spoken since Friday and I think I scared him off!

@TigerDater go mr G!

I’m going on my third date today and I’m really nervous. Much more nervous than date 2, I don’t know why. I really fancy him, but I’m seriously considering bailing as I feel so stressed about it my hands are shaking. We’ve already dtd so it’s not that, although I do regret sleeping with him so soon (he is really hot though). Advice please?

If you like him and you are getting on well just go for it I would say! Is nerves or excitement?

@Mylifestartstoday youll be fine once you get there honestly. Try and think of it as excitement rather than fear. It’s the same response

@Onesmallstep67 - well I sent Ms Travel at text this morning via WhatsApp- it’s been delivered but not read yet she was online just 20 mins ago. Normally she calls or responds by text within an hour max - I sense I’ve been cast aside. I feel totally empty and despondent. I really did like her and we appeared to be getting on so well.

I’m so down in the dumps.

You can’t know that for sure fender she may be dealing with issues with a friend or family member via WhatsApp so she was online but concentrating on other chars. You have to sit tight, which is agony I know 💐

Other chats, not other cleaners 😂

@peanutter84 are you saying no sex for 6 months? If I end up back on the market I'm definitely going to wait longer than I have been doing before sleeping with someone. I've had my fill of casual sex.

@Fender222 could be lots of reasons. But your gut could also be right. Sadly sometimes the connection is more one sided. A few of us on here have been hurt that way.

Good luck @Mylifestartstoday and anyone else going on dates tonight.

Have a first date with Mr Finance in a little bit and am starting to feel a bit sick!

I knew what I wanted as soon as her number popped up on my phone. Surprising I know 😂
We've both been busy visiting parents today so will be meeting up in the week to talk it through properly.

@TigerDater - I hope so Tiger
@Notcoolmum - we shall see but I do fear the worst. This is a nightmare for an overthinking mind...

@Notcoolmum .. this thought will not suit all and I am not judging, simply protecting my own bashed heart and it has been getting quite sick of late. This fella seems to have just come along with me. Yes, 5 months in, one kiss, many dates and events planned for this weekend and booked for June..he’s not ready for a heavy romance and I respect that. His grief and family are very present and I am not at all set up. I like him very much and he will remain my dear friend.

@Peanutter84 I'm not sure sleeping with someone earlier or later makes a huge difference but I personally waited 4 months to sleep with the person I'm currently seeing and that's because I wanted to be really certain. It probably sounds a long time to others. I agree about not jumping into things and would certainly not be introducing my kids etc any time soon. I think youre right in the sense if it's going to upset you, don't rush into things too much.

@ant330 aw. That sounds sweet. Good luck.

@Eesha @Peanutter84 I've always been a 3 date type but I've realised that sex really affects me emotionally so I would definitely wait longer if I felt it had legs.

Good luck to all with dates today!

I got attached way to quickly but that's just me. It's what I do.