Dating Thread 186 - Heading into Spring with thicker skin and a new outlook on dating

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@shitwithsugaron. Jay Shetty is good as well it’s not just about romantic relationships but all kinds of relationships and interactions and your path in life

@shitwithsugaron which Reddit stuff would you recommend?

I need a distraction. Everything I look at is about the virus
And I don't want to go back on the apps, it's hard enough get any chats going at the best of times!

Yes as always thank god for The Thread. Not just in troubled dating times! The sun coming out always makes me fancy dating and I just don't think I can.

No dating for me at the moment so that part of my life is on hold. I'm trying to self isolate as much as possible as the majority of my clients are over 60. I've called them all and they all still want me to come over( especially 83yr old farmer who relies on me to change bed etc.)
The couple who were on the cruise ship on the news( luckily recovered) live in my village so everyone has been worried.
Stay safe everyone.

@shitwithsugaron FDS is hardline brilliance

Hello everybody! I think I was last on these threads about 6-8 months ago, at which point I flounced off because I was having No Success Whatsoever And Screw That for a Game of Soldiers .

Back for a little update now....I don't know if I'm happy or sad to see some of the same names still on here! shitwithsugaron, would it be tactless to ask what happened to Mr Bookworm? You don't need to answer that if you don't want!

So....I've been seeing someone on a FWB basis for 5-6 months, who I met on Fab. Let's call him Mr Shipwreck. I'm very fond of him (think we are of each other), but he still lives with his ex (separate lives/ bedrooms, but things are very complicated with family/ work stuff, so there's no immediate prospect of things changing there), so there's no relationship potential either.

We were messaging constantly, but I pulled back a few weeks ago- I'd been off the dating apps for some time, but I'm starting to crave a proper relationship, so I told him I needed some space to pursue that. I've been back on Bumble for a couple of weeks, and had reasonable success, to be honest- had a date on Thursday who I wanted to see me again, but I wasn't feeling it.

I was also chatting to someone who I vaguely know from real life through a shared interest, but who popped up on Bumble- let's call him Mr Sparky.

So, this weekend I think I can fully say that I have made the most of my child free time- went to a swinger's club on Saturday night with Mr Shipwreck, and had a high old time, then went straight on to a date with Mr Sparky on Sunday night! Was slightly surprised- and happy- to get on fabulously with Mr Sparky- he's not as physically attractive as Mr Shipwreck, but we click intellectually a lot more, and I think there's enough of a spark, IYSWIM....Definitely enough of a spark for a second date, which we have agreed to go on .

I was having terrible pangs about Mr Shipwreck last night, though. I do have very strong feelings for him, and he is the sweetest, gorgeousest...yes, I'm pretty smitten. In addition, he is not in a good way. He had a breakdown after splitting with his ex, and is frequently struggling with suicidal feelings. Over a post- club breakfast yesterday he broke down and told me that he's been particularly bad this last couple of weeks (he'd been respecting my desire to message less though, so hadn't told me). Today I messaged him, and got quite a worrying message back about wanting the pain to stop, so I gave him a ring- turns out his ex is planning to introduce the kids to her new man without telling him (he learnt this from the kids). Always a horrible thing to find out, even if you're in robust mental health.

Sorry, this is probably too much information- but I need to vent and get this all out, and where better than an anonymous forum?

So, no conclusions, no decisions, probably time to kick back for a few days and let all the various hormones and endorphins from Saturday's sex and drugs binge wear off....

By the way, has anybody proposed "Love in the time of Coronavirus" as a future thread title yet?!

@bangheadhere40 I feel the same sometimes. I know it's not me its them but still cant help feel down about it.

I chat to guys who seem normal, chatting away etc then out the blue ask for a rude pic or to pop over at 10pm. if I say no they stop talking, I know they arent worth talking to anyway but just annoys me. feel like I must be giving off really bad vibes for them to think that's what I'm looking for. but I've already told them I want to date with possibility of a relationship etc.

I've started being pretty straight talking to guys and trying not to take any nonsense. there seem to be literally no guys who want to date, they just want to hook up.

I did speak to Mr M today. Don’t all shoot me.

I didn’t contact him he text me today asking if I was ok and we ended up talking for a bit on the phone

I don’t know whether to worry about him or not... not that he’s my problem but whether he has MH issues more than being a horrible or manipulative person and cutting off someone dead who maybe isn’t well feels weird I think I am still confused and looking for answers? I really miss the person he was a month ago. What has changed so dramatically? Did I do this to him? What happened. I just don’t understand it

As I’ve said before I work in healthcare and am around a lot of MH issues and I am probably over compassionate in this area.

He says he feels physically completely drained and is sleeping all the time. He went out last night and got really drunk 🙄 and feels awful today and like everything is pointless and unenjoyable. He cannot focus on anything and has put on weight and feels disgusting and a horrible person that he can’t be good enough for me and make me happy. He doesn’t know what’s wrong with him or why he is like this but he’s so unhappy and doesn’t know how to change anything. He feels like cancelling everything and just going home and never going out again.

I just listened there is nothing I can say, do, fix or anything. I do worry that he is one of those people who would get so depressed and drunk he might do something.

Hi all ... just looking in . Am meeting MrBeard in an hour for what will be the first sex I've had in years. Am ridiculously nervous. But glad I am getting the chance before covid19 stops social contact.

Went out with Mr Science on Saturday. We had a pretty intense 9 hour date but he retreated a bit the next day. He is quite a cautious character and not the best communicator, but we did click in lots of ways. I think we will stay in touch but need to slow it right down. And cos of his job he is going to be working 24/7 with this coronavirus.

Mr Beard is just the opposite. He is only going to be a FWB I think, we are too different to date properly, but at the same time he is uncomplicated and straightforward and cheerful and I do like that.

@Menora how are you? Sorry you had such a shitty time. Hope the anxiety is improving. Do you take anything for it?

@Ant330 I'm glad you finally made a decision, and you seem happier for having done so. You ok?

This coronavirus is really hideous isn't it? It's like being in a horror film. I know a lot of NHS and pharma sorts and discourage conversation about it. I am almost pathologically sociable and get anxious in my own company. Hope you all stay safe.

God, an hour of work to get through. Am actually so nervous I can't breathe properly (and it's definitely not the virus) Wish me luck x

crackofdoom please may I live vicariously through you? I was particularly drawn to your allusion to drugs with sex. An old friend gave me some weed the other day to share with Mr GN. I was hugely excited (and so was he) as no one has ever given me drugs before. But then we just looked at it for a while and realised we had absolutely no idea what to do with it. Googled it, still no clue. So we had a gin and went to bed.

The weed is sitting in my drawer and it will never be used. A reminder of the only time I nearly went wild 😂

Whoo uttersocks have a great time!

menora I know it’s hard to detach but he is not your friend and not yours to fix. He has a family to do that for him. I really hope you can avoid him draining you further and reeling you back in.

crazycat there’s something about users that means they can sniff out gentle and kind-hearted souls. Somehow you need to convey in messaging that you kick ass.

shitwithsugaron thanks, I'll have a look at Female Dating Strategy. Sounds good.

crazycatlady20 it's not you. Most of the men that message me say they want a relationship but actually just want a hook-up. They stop messaging as soon as I shut down the request for rude pics or sexting. And also when you say you're not available to meet when they want, which is usually immediately.
And these are men in their late 40s/early 50s who I think should be more mature but act like sex craved teenagers.
I'm beginning to wonder if OLD, in its current format, is outdated.

@UtterSocks have a great time with Mr Beard!
I'm fine thank you, being unsurprisingly let down on Friday brought some real clarity to my thinking. Had a good weekend with son and feel in a good place today, probably better than I have for a month or so tbh!
@Menora like Tiger said he isn't your responsibility to fix, don't get dragged back into his life through a feeling of guilt. You've done the right thing for you, you shouldn't feel bad about moving on.
@crackofdoom that sounds like a brilliant weekend!

@TigerDater, um, smoke it? Make brownies with it. There are so many options.

PS name changed, and was once a doormat but no longer.

I know I'm supposed to have gone but I don't know who else to sound this out with. Given the announcement on non essential contact... how many of you will still continue to see your regular iron/fwb/bf/gf? Am I over thinking this? Obviously there wouldn't be much social distancing going on.

Mines temporarily living here as MiniSJT has a cough and his housemate has CF. It was going to be a week but just announced it’s 14 days of isolation. If he wasn’t here we would follow the rules and not see each other for 14 days. We won’t be going out and about, not to protect us, but to stop spreading it to others.

Non essential contact is for 12 weeks though not 2. That's how long to self isolate if your household has symptoms. I'm feeling anxious about it all so I may be overthinking way too hard!

@Notcoolmum I usually see my FWB every fortnight but he got ill (not sure if corona) so it's been almost 6 weeks now! I could potentially go to his house but not even sure if that's allowed under new rules.

Wow @Eesha 6 weeks is a long time!

@Notcoolmum yes so currently 4 weeks so meant to see each other this weekend but now my kids have some vomiting bug so not sure about that so will then be another fortnight which means 6 weeks. I think I've lost my urges with all the stress going on in all honesty.

Oh fgs @Notcoolmum please come back. We need your tough advice and you need somewhere to panic post. I missed you when menora had her mini meltdown. There's room for us all on the scared dating thread bench. (This is me apologising very awkwardly for being an arse 😳)

It’s having the opposite effect on me eesha - I’m increasingly desperate to rip Mr GN’s clothes off!

Have an elbow bump @unambiguousbeard !

Please come back @Notcoolmum I missed your advice last week!
It’ll surprise no one that mr scenery messaged this afternoon, he wrote a message last night and forgot to send it!! I think I mostly feel annoyed he’s not just gone as I thought he had, (but a little but pleased!) I’m going to talk to my councillor if I’m just trying to avoid a conversation I’ll find difficult or if I actually am done.
@menora I stayed with stbxh for years as I couldn’t “abandon” him, I still have to fight the urge to help/fix him, he does have his parents but they are why he is who he is, and I often find it heartbreaking how much he’s reverted into a child since moving back in with them, so I u set Stan’s what your saying, but he’s the father of my children, and looking out for him is also looking out for them, you owe mr m nothing, it’s not your responsibility, it says nothing about you and who you are if you walk away.
@Ant330 glad your feeling positive.