Dating Thread 186 - Heading into Spring with thicker skin and a new outlook on dating

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Saying on the radio london is ahead of the rest of the country by a couple of weeks re corona. Any of us down there? I've ditched my last iron. We were fwb but I literally fell asleep on him mid in flagrante the other week so....i knew it wasnt going to last. He asked me out on fri to a bar with friends and i declined. Since then hes been odd over text so I just said....not working plus corona. Bye. And that's it. I'm fully and completely single! No regrets.

@supercali77 I live and work in London, and @unambiguousbeard is also in London. I don't know anyone with the corona viris. My trains have beem emptier as I think a lot of people have been told to work from home. My work haven't let us yet.

I’m in London, Shoreditch, I don’t know anyone who has been diagnosed. Quite a few friends have moved to stay with friends/family out of the city due being high risk. Lots of people (me included) working from home for the foreseeable.

I walk to work so haven’t really noticed if buses etc are quieter, all the bars around here are busy as ever.

I'm in London too and it was a bit like the apocalypse had started today. Most companies in my building are now WFH and it was really quiet when I went out for a walk at lunch. I cycle commute though, so haven't noticed a difference there.

I'm also having ba minor freak out. My regular date (probably BF) just sent a message re essential contact, and it freaked me out a bit. I think he has caught the feels in a big way. But I feel (a) unworthy after an abusive marriage and now low confidence and (b) emotionally unavailable to deal with anyone wanting that level of connection or intimacy or commitment.

I've had a few wobbles about him being more invested than me. And now I know he is. Shit.

We have three friends who believe they have it, continuous coughs, high temp but have said wasn't unbearable really and compared to flu. My family commute in and say tubes were really quiet, I'm slightly greater London and buses were quite empty.

tigerdater You need to get a pack of rizlas, some rolling tobacco, and look up "How to roll a joint" on YouTube.....

SimonJT well there you go....the ultimate test of a relationship. Good luck!!

jaggysplinter could be the coronavirus could be a great excuse to slow things down to a level you feel comfortable with. Have you had a good talk with BF/ not BF about how you're feeling?

shitwithsugaron Arse.Arse.Arse. What a shame....and he was masquerading as a good one, wasn't he?

I'm cool.....there's nothing like hanging out with someone in the grip of suicidal depression to take a bit of an emotional audit of yourself and realise that, in contrast, you're doing pretty well.

Mr Shipwreck's ex appears to have disappeared with the kids, although he was able to contact them directly and discover they'd gone to their grandma's in the next county. So, I suppose I'm getting my emotional turmoil vicariously right now....

Mr M text me earlier to say thanks for talking to him and a LOT of sorries about contacting me. He is so down. I had noticed he kept saying sorry a lot for little things the last couple of weeks actually

I said I was concerned for him and he should take care of himself and if he doesn’t, then he’s never going to feel better and if he needs to take time off work he should
I am not sure who else he has to talk to. In the short time I have known him, talking about things is one of his biggest fears. It seems like he’s stuck in one of those shit cycles where work is never getting any better and then he puts in less effort etc. All the exciting plans he was looking forward to this year in his ‘new life’ have all had to be cancelled, he got dumped again and feels like absolute shit - it’s hard not to feel sorry for him

I suppose I feel better that it wasn’t about me at all really in the end, I am no longer wondering if I could have done anything differently. I just feel kind of weird about breaking up with someone who is struggling with their MH even though I know that’s stupid of me

I get you there menora! Could you, would you, continue to be his friend? Or suggest he goes to a support group? There is a good network of them where we are, specifically for men- Mr Shipwreck goes to one, although it was cancelled today due to coronavirus. I mean, yes, cancel everything else, but maybe not a support group for suicidal people?! That has to be the definition of essential

I’m pathetic - I don’t smoke and I can’t cook. My friend suggested gently warming it in butter then spreading it on toast?

It’s all academic now as I honestly don’t think I will see Mr GN again for weeks. Terrible timing.

@crackofdoom I will definitely have to have a chat next time we meet up, which may be a while now.

@TigerDater you can get brownie mix you mix With water you could try that.

Brilliant idea jane, thank you!

It dawned on me last night that MrNNs housemate will be self isolating for 12 weeks due to CF. We’ve realised the options are he lives with housemate after his 14 days isolation and doesn’t see us at all (or anyone else), or he lives elsewhere after his 14 days and doesn’t see housemate at all. Airbnbs have understandably stopped taking bookings.

@TigerDater You can just eat it as it is, put it in a small amount of hot water to soften, then chew it really well to break down the cell walls.

Morning everyone 🤗 I have a long term friend who I've been seeing a few months, we can't go out now and date so he's coming over this wknd all permitted we don't go into lockdown. I will cook him some food, we're both asthmatic and I've warned him any cough or sudden temp forget it same goes for me ! Is anyone else still trying to see their 'dates' but potentially at home ?
I may even take his temp on way in my front door 🙈🙈🙈

@SimonJT could he not just continue to stay with you till this blows over?

@TigerDater Yes cake mix will work, my friend does it to make brownies etc

Tiger there's the idea that it needs to be heated for a couple of hours for maximum effect (that's where warming it in butter comes in). I've tried warming in butter for 2hrs and throwing it straight in brownie mix. The pre-warmed were more potent 😂 but both worked. Depends on how much you've got & strength too.
What's everyone doing about seeing "bf/gf's" rather than new dates? I'm torn!

I second packet brownies. Have fun @tigerdater

@dollface19 I had my bf round last night. I couldn't imagine not seeing him for months. We talked about it and he's offered to limit his exposure to other people to reduce any risk of passing something to me and the kids. Although my eldest is off to college now so is probably our biggest risk!!

Plans with friends at the weekend now cancelled. We had a Mother's Day lunch planned which I assume we will cancel. Hard to imagine what is to come over the next months.

I’m meant to be seeing Mr Ski tomorrow but thanks to the new corona advice I don’t think I’m going to be able too. Dd1 saying she has a sore throat so I suspect she will be home and the advice is to all self isolate, me and Mr Ski have had colds anyway so was planning on meeting him somewhere but now seems no pubs or restaurants will be open. I can’t see how dating for me can continue.

I'm still seeing my guy, my DD has been poorly a week now, started off with a UTI and by Friday it was flu and she is still ill.
She has been self isolating since Friday.

Someone at her college came back from Italy and was in college 3 weeks and took ill, this person has now tested negative.

But we all went to a Uni open day 2 weekends ago so potentially could catch it from there as I've checked that Uni's website and they have someone who has tested positive.

My theory is that if we were both going to get it then we would have already due to DD.
My guy says he wants to keep coming round so....

I should start self isolating today but I've been spreading my DDs germs at work already as the advice only changed last night. I'm on leave from tomorrow so popping to the office for a few hours today.

I plan to limit my contact with the general public though. My guy is self employed so will continue to work.

It's a minefield.

Wish I’d asked all you wise ones what to do with my little stash before Mr GN went AWOL! But thank you for your advice, definitely something to look forward to 😊

simon can Mr NN carry on staying with you? How is it going for the three of you?

💐 to everyone right now. I’m switching off the news from any source, after a rare sleepless night where I actually ended up praying for mankind 🤦🏼‍♀️ (inbred habits die hard).

@TigerDater needs to be heated in oil or alcohol very gently. If you just eat it you'll lose all the THC (active principle) so needs to be melted into butter before you make brownies. Or heat in gin but it's disgusting.

It's not the heating that does it it's because THC is a steroid so only really becomes bioavailable in oil or alcohol. Also sorry @SimonJT but if you're soaking and chewing you are wasting an awful lot of it! You'll get a bit but most won't go into your blood stream and will pass straight through your gut. What a waste! Sounds like experimental baking might be a way to pass self isolation!

And just to be clear I haven't had a drug of any kind for 20 years or do but my last job means I have knowledge!

What's happened to mr g @TigerDater ? I clearly missed that.

I'm currently feeling quite angry with all my coupled up friends moaning about being stuck in. There's at least two of them with the kids. It's going to be extra hard for us singles. And yeah no chance of meeting anyone for the foreseeable.