Dating Thread 186 - Heading into Spring with thicker skin and a new outlook on dating

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

So sorry Menora, sounds like you can see it for what it is x

@Menora. He is a man baby. Just that and nothing else , if that’s your view of him then he is not the man for you. Or probably any other woman at the moment

How do I handle this calmly
Do I ask any questions or do I just wait and listen then speak to him? I don’t know how to play it

I’m not meeting the child, I’m going to get there after he has arrived, talk quick and get out again! My own child is also there (at work) so no horrible scenes - I think this will be a phone call job once I’ve seen him face to face

Sorry cant tag still menora

What questions do you want answering and if you ask them will he give you the truth?
He can say anything to your questions but actually mean something else, unless you can read his mind you wont ever know if what comes out of his mouth is the truth.

If he says sorry for being a dick and suggests meeting up tomorrow or Mondsy what is to stop him being a dick again and if he is ard you strong enough to end things.

It seems to me you are sexually compatable but maybe not emotionally.
I'm not sure that can work for a long term relationship but for a casual thing it could.

I think he needs to come to terms with his marriage ending and address the issues they had, although it doesnt appear that he thinks he has issues.

Ultimately it is about you and your needs, he needs to meet them all otherwise your anxiety will be through the roof constantly.

I’m not convinced he will show up to be honest

menora I cant imagine how bad your anxiety is right now.
The shutting you down when you question things and his general vagueness would have me going stir crazy.

Remember you are the prize, you are not there to save or rehabilitate him.

This man is on FB the entire time he has his DC and usually also FaceTime texting and phone calls. Being in soft play he would be on his phone the whole time anyway

Ok I think no deep conversation or questions. In and out quickly

I’m pretty confident he will ‘fall asleep’ and forget to come so I think all this worry is for nothing at all. He will not come

@Menora I agree with @TigerDater and PPs he sounds very immature, and right now seems to be bringing only negative stuff to your life. Him not being there for you when you had a procedure is horrible. I understand wanting to see his face when you talk to him. I hope you manage to say what you need to say

Ant it's hard to block even if you know it's the best thing. That feeling of hope (that it will all turn out okay) is hard to ignore.

He has already sent me a photo of DC asleep. That’s all he’s really spoken to me. Just a photo!
So he is setting up that scene 🙄

menora I know you want to read him face to face etc but agree with shitwith, soft play is not the place for that. And he’ll be on his phone anyway? Hard to be believe he’s a grown man. You’re not going to learn anything from his face you don’t already know from his behaviour. Don’t go, just don’t turn up. Choose a time and place for your final meeting that is 100% right for you and your mental state.

@Menora, me again. Do you not see this is futile? This planning to read him, break up with him in person etc. Is he suddenly going to be super mature and explain the error of his ways. Best to call it a day. No soft play. Sometimes you say it best when you say nothing at all ...

Just call him or FaceTime him. Don’t have him drag his little ones out, I know you are wanting to see him but what if he gets angry or upset and he has his kids

No I didn’t want to break up with him at soft play I wanted to look him in the face though. Selfish of me as it’s not my DC, they are his

He won’t talk to me on the phone and is barely texting me. He owes me money back as well which I want to get back. Even if I did try to pin him down to meeting I know fully well it would be in the middle of next week

He’s not coming anyway I think this is just another game!

I have sent a text asking to speak to him

And I called he didn’t pick up

If I hadn’t just had to pay out for the car accident I would write the money off. But I really need it now