Dating Thread 186 - Heading into Spring with thicker skin and a new outlook on dating

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

My patios good, but I’m looking at all the light bulbs that need replacing, I have such a bad fear of heights going up a step ladder freaks me out! This is the one and only thing I miss my ex for!!

@Stuckinarut79 - that was a good link. Funny about saying that a piece of that man had died as a few years ago I actually died in A + E for six seconds and they managed to bring me back.

I gain great strength from everyone on this thread, each with their tales of excitement, heartache and ups and downs - such a great support network keen to hear the unfolding stories.

That’s scary fender, what happened?

@TigerDater - I had a heart attack 11 years ago - I was under 50 at the time and played football several times a week and was a non smoker - it was a stress heart attack as the surgeon found my heart to be in great condition.

The irony was I recovered despite having died in only 4 days and the Consultant allowed me home on condition that it was a stress free environment - within weeks I found out my wife was having an affair with my closest friend and we separated... you couldn’t make it up stress wise... lol

Blimey Fender what a story! And ghosting is just shitty and rude. Even more so after a couple of dates!

Just checking back in with the thread - Mr BC and I are coming up to our year anniversary. All seems to be going okay👍

TheCat I agree with others that no contact is the best way. It's bloody hard though!

Hi all ... just catching up and checking in. My life is chaos. Work stress, divorce stress, finance stress, teenager stress, need an eye operation, insomnia... I am in no place at all to be dating. I'm actually a mess. So of course now it is the absolute worst time to be doing so, i randomly am planning a 3rd and 4th date with a Bumble date I agreed to in a moment of weakness and was too polite to cancel, went along to almost reluctantly, and actually clicked with massively and fancy more than I could even believe. We shall call him Mr Beard.

And that made me think about your question @Fender222 ... because I have abruptly deleted people for cheesy flirting, filth, lame compliments and terms of endearment before now. And yet Mr Beard can get away with outrageous comments because we just clicked. So I think it is a case by case basis. What is really exciting coming from someone you have the hots for is vomit inducing from someone you don't. But if he had been anything but respectful before we met he would have been smartly blocked and deleted, so i think your approach of caution at first is absolutely right. And by the way, you sound like a lovely thoughtful bloke, so imagine you will not overstep the mark! Sorry about Miss Travel.

Also @TheCatWithTheHat, I'm sorry to say but it made me think of you too. I am massively fucked up at the moment, my life is hellish and the last thing I have time for in my ridiculous schedule is a date. But I am making time for Mr Beard .... whereas with Mr Rugby & Mr Media, that was the excuse for not seeing them again and I didn't even realise it was an excuse at the time. Sorry but Miss C isn't that into you, and Miss Hair is. I hope you give it a go with her x

Anyway no idea if this will go anywhere. It very well could just be lust as he does not fit my usual criteria at all, absolutely unlike anyone I've ever dated. And of course now this has happened, Mr Science is back and wanting to meet....

I have no idea what I am doing

Also congratulations @BatshitCrazyWoman 😉

Patio’s, light bulbs - no problem. No job too big or too small.

I’m going to dip my toe back into OLD later this week. It’s Miss Travel’s loss and I deserve better.

I'm over investing in a new iron I am meeting on Friday, I've not bothered with the others. We have had a lovely chat and he seems a genuinely nice guy. I'm having a mini panic as he lives an hour and a half way in a big city, is good looking and is a solicitor ( not relevant I know but feel slightly intimidated although he is absolutely lovely so far and hasn't made ne feel that way ) but I wonder why he's bothering with me when he could take his pick probably in his city. He's insisting on coming up to me and taking me out, and I can't help but think why...I'm trying not to.

I have such low self esteem sometimes and think I will be boring to him, especially as I've just been dropped by another iron ☹

@uttersocks I found and still find the dating a break from ‘life’. Some time to feel happy and not worry about issues

Does anyone else have trouble with their feelings especially if they’ve been through a bad marriage and break up. I’ve been seeing mr g 3 months or so now about twice a week and I know I like him and we have fun but I don’t understand how I feel apart from that . Maybe I’m just thinking too much into it.

Are you having doubts Jane? ☹

No not doubts at all just with my ex h and my bf before that they’d moved in with me by this stage . Maybe it’s just a slower pace.

@bangheadhere40 I want to say something really positive that of course your worth it, and he obviously doesn’t think your boring, all of which is 100% true but I also know what you mean, when I’ve felt like that my gut has been right , remember mr hot? I felt like that about him and turned out he was married and stringing me along for his own ego boost. I’m not saying that’s what happening here but is your gut telling you something, hopefully not but a quick Meetup arranged and careful to not get over invested and see what happens, you never know.

@Jane1978xx I’m an emotional mess, I heard the other week, feelings are like children, you don’t want them stuffed in the boot or driving the car, I’m trying really hard to remember that, just notice what feelings come up not let them runaway but simply notice and label them.

@stuckinarut79 I think the labelling is my problem, am I just horny or falling in love. I guess as long as I know I feel happy and secure then the rest will come

fender wow, what a nightmare. Glad you’re fighting back.

uttersocks yay!

Thanks @TigerDater - I had given up hope too! Not sure if it has legs but ... nice for now. He is gorgeous.

@Jane1978xx I hear you, we are going through similar stuff and have similar past experiences. I am not sure I am capable of a relationship and Mr Beard has a lot of baggage too. But for now he is something in my life that makes me feel good for a bit. That’s enough at the moment, though don’t know if it will last.

@Stuckinarut79 love that saying about children and feelings - I will be stealing that

@UtterSocks me too, I’ve learnt avoiding feelings doesn’t work but I’m definitely guilty of letting them take control! Mr beard sounds good, a distraction is no bad place for something to start

Thank you 😊 glad it’s not just me

I'm really hoping my surgeon will let me go back to work when he sees me (no follow up appointment made yet but I can only hope)
I admitted to Mr Army tonight that I have been overthinking and worrying about him texting me back when I have sent certain messages such as telling him straight up that I like him. That I do have trust issues with being vulnerable and letting people in. He is just so easy to communicate with. He told me that he completely understands because he is facing those same issues.
It's funny to think that 2 people with trust issues and issues with letting people in are being so open and honest with each other about about stuff they have been through in their lives and just keeping good communication. He told me there is nothing to worry about and sent me a 😚.
I'm tentatively heading toward the happily smitten bench (not just yet though)
I'm keeping my eyes open for amber and red flags but there doesn't seem to be any. If he is having a busy day or week then he tells me. He will check in if he is 'out with the boys', he let me know what he was doing at the weekend (not in a weird sort of way just an I'm doing this are you doing anything fun sort of way) he will ask about my day and genuinely be interested in what I have to say (same goes for me to him) he makes positive comments about things I'm doing.
The only small issue is that he isnt the best at time keeping and usually runs late while I'm early for everything. Is there anything I can do to help him get better with time or to relax a bit about him running late?

My friend is terrible with time keeping. I just tell her that we need to be somewhere at 2 when it needs to be 2:30 and voila. She is on time. Could that work?

I was thinking of trying that but wasn't sure with the trust issues if that would be an issue or not.
He knows it's an issue and even says with him being in the army you'd think he would be better with time keeping but he runs late for basically everything socially

Hi all. Sounds like some of you are having some great dates.
And to those of you that arent I hope today is a better day.
I currently have a grand total of zero irons. I'm reading messages and just deleting. I've responded to one or two but then thought na I cba. I'm not even fancying people I would normally go for. I actually discarded one bloke who was quite my type on the basis that I didnt like his room in the background, and another because I wasnt keen on his name ffs.
I defo have daters block and its pissing me right off. But some of you may know that I was thinking maybe this whole meeting someone thing isnt for me so maybe I should explore that some more.

Anyway I've decided to decorate my bathroom this weekend, so been choosing stuff for that. I might pop out with a friend for cocktails but I'm now in 60 minute makeover headspace so I probably wont. Although I do have a killer pair of heels and a little red skirt that haven't seen the light of day in a while so who knows.

@Dancerinthemoonlightancer my best mate is like that and it actually started to cause issues. I also do what @Dazedandconfused10 does. Shes on time and I'm not pissed off. Problem sorted.

@Jane1978xx
I have the same issue with feelings, I joke that I have a heart made of stone and I'm emotionally retarded but it's actually true.

Years of an emotionally abusive marriage where I suppressed my feelings for years definitely hasnt helped.

I think when we're young we are more naive and innocent and do stuff quicker than usual, like moving in but once you're older and wiser you take your time over things, sometimes because of past experience.

I'm not even sure I'll be able to feel love again, how does it even feel?

My flirtationship I've got going on is coming up for 6 months, he is the loveliest guy you could meet, seems to adore me and I really like him but I don't know if I'm open to love.
I know that I'll never live with a man again or share finances so we'll never get to that stage but for me that is perfect as I'm very happy as I am.

Please try not to worry and enjoy it for what it is.