Dating Thread 186 - Heading into Spring with thicker skin and a new outlook on dating

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Mr Fit replied to say thanks for letting him know and wishing me all the best too so I'm glad I did it. I hate being ghosted so couldn't do it to someone else.

Mr Petrol has been very chatty which is nice, we've got our date tomorrow. I said yesterday the sexting whilst enjoyable was making me feel a bit weird about meeting and he totally agreed and we've steered clear so I feel much better. Quite excited now.

Mr Finance is quiet today, I messaged this morning in reply to his question last night about Fridays date but haven't heard back. He's at work though so I'm not worried.

With a couple of good irons on the go I don't feel the need to get back on tinder for a bit but I'll see what happens.

@Ant330
@unambiguousbeard

Hi, thanks for your comments and support. I’ve been feeling pretty low since Ms Travel ghosted me and my self esteem has taken a hit - I was tempted to mope about today as I’m on a day off but I thought I’d tick off some crap jobs - I’ve just pressure-washed my large and filthy patio - it was strangely cathartic and the job is done.

I will return to OLD soon.

@Notcoolmum
@TigerDater
@Peanutter84
@Onesmallstep67
...and other women who can help...

What is the definition of being ‘flirty’ and at what point does it become sleazy or creepy? I’d imagine there is a fine line but can anyone give good example from their dating flirtations?

fender I have a large and filthy patio you can pressure wash if you fancy a bit more catharsis?

Now an overly flirty response to that from you would be ‘I’ll get my hose out and be right over’, which I personally would find quite funny but some wouldn’t. For me it’s all about a shared sense of humour and a shared sense of where the chat may be heading.

Overtly, not overly. Or maybe overly as well

Tiger 😂😂😂😵😵
Fender one person's flirty is another's filthy and downright rude, tough one to answer I think but I'm interested to see the replies.

That was meant to be all 😂😂😂😂 fat fingers!

Want to come and wash mine @fender222 ?

FWIW I hate the notion of prescribed flirtiness. That should come naturally from attraction and observation of someone's body language and reactions. If they fancy you and you fancy them, from my experience, flirting comes naturally and easily. Don't overthink it.

Don't be too much is probably all I would say. No telling someone they look beautiful in a first date etc. Maybe 'ooh you are even prettier than your photos' as a maximum.

I think for the flirting it’s got to be a level you yourself are comfortable with as well. And also don’t say anything you wouldn’t say in person.

@TigerDater .. that made me chuckle no end..

@Fender222 .. I like a compliment. Nice clothes, looking lovely today etc. Mr No Sex But Date (Mr NSBD) had a right laugh at my description of the first time sex at 18 last night. Some humour never fails to engage my interest..

@TigerDater
@Jane1978xx
@Notcoolmum
@Ant330

I’m sure even using the word large and filthy could be construed as flirty by some! Always happy to help a damsel out with a patio clean!

I was only asking the question as another thread touched upon the flirty side of texting and it’s obvious a fine line, but I’d always err on the side of caution, that said, my very first messaging with a woman back in January concluded after several ‘polite chit chat messages about our profiles and the woman saying I’d wish I’d been more flirty... and I never heard from her again! Quelle surprise...

Oh well, I’ll get my hose out next time....

Ha @TigerDater I love a bit of carry on double entendre. However it has to be tongue in cheek and knowingly naff. And it depends on the person who's doing it. I unmatched someone recently for saying I must have good oral dexterity but we weren't at the point of sniggering so I found it really sleaxy. It just came out of the blue. Mr football and I however are having a right old filthy laugh.

@Fender222 it's almost impossible to answer this. Like the thing about taking it further, we're all different and will also react differently to various people. I think you're slightly overthinking and getting anxious. Just take things as they come. Don't think about flirting unless you're getting in with someone. The messaging should flow as should the kissing/sex. Easier said than done I know. That's why some of us have been dating for quite a while...

See, nice clothes, looking lovely, beautiful eyes, gorgeous smile etc... my response is ... oh do fuck off and come up with something original. Or something you do t say to everyone

@unambiguousbeard thanks for your comments - I would always tread carefully - I tend to overthink once a couple of dates have been and gone and then I begin to analyse things which I know isn’t healthy but so easy to start doing!

I really do appreciate the thoughts and comments from everyone who has taken the time to respond since my ghosting by Ms Travel who disappeared literally out of the blue just when it seemed destined to be a very happy time.

@Fender222, what works well with one person may not be as successful with the next. You clearly made sufficient impact and connection with Ms T that you had a few dates ( which makes her ghosting of you even more unacceptable - manners cost nothing )
You have come across on this thread as genuine and open. That will appeal to lots of women. Once you meet them in person you can only be yourself and pick up on how they are being with you. I like someone that makes me laugh ( and if they smell good - ooh 😉 )
I think your concerns about appearing sleazy show your thoughtful disposition. But if the chemistry is right then things will evolve naturally and she will give you her own signals that she's happy for things to progress.

No judgement please, but no where else to share, I’ve just ended things with mr old (potential fwb from fab) I’m being ridiculous it’s absolutely the right thing to do but I’ve surprised myself how sad I feel, we never met, I bailed but his messages have always been so friendly, flirty and I’m going to miss them/him. He’s wished me luck, I’ve not deleted his number just archived, but I feel like I’m walking away from something that could have been a lot of fun, even though what could happen with mr scenery is what I want, but of course I’m questioning that due to the strong feelings I’m experiencing right now!! Just when you think you know what you want...

@onesmallstep67 - I always make sure a wear a nice aftershave or EDT - Tom Ford / Comme De Garçon / Paco Rabanne / L’Occitane - makes me feel better and I enjoy making an effort when taking a date out.

unambiguous yes! I was suggesting naff double entendre a la Carry On but for me it has to be knowing and properly understood between both parties, and part of a flow, not out of nowhere. And well-spelt. So basically, I think flirtation is unique to the people involved and based on actually fancying each other and wanting to let each other know that, not just tired old irrelevant lines. And flattery ie ‘nice eyes’ etc does nothing for me at all, whereas ‘it’s been a lovely lovely evening, let’s meet again Thursday at 8 if that’s good for you’ is really hot!

Not sure that helps, fender. It sounds like you overthink and struggle to ‘go with the flow’, but you also seem to think you should be taking the lead in flirting, canoodling, maybe arranging dates? Might you relax more if you let the woman take charge a bit?

stuck perhaps you’re feeling more vulnerable now all your eggs are in one basket?

@Tiger you could well be right, it’s that fear that I’m investing and what if mr scenery isn’t etc though it does feel like he is, we were messaging all last night, so just feels like he’s putting in a lot more effort. Maybe saying goodbye to mr old is indeed bringing up insecurities! I’m definitely feeling vulnerable.

@Fender222 definitely a fine line, I like flirty but not sleazy, and my line is probably more forgiving than some, I was joking with someone about dick pictures and how when we get onto what’s app that’s when they start and when we went to what’s app, he sent me a picture of a cockerel, I laughed at that! But I think most people wouldn’t as it could be seen as testing the water. I was looking through mr scenery’s old messages earlier and in one before we met I asked him what he thought his week would bring, and he said hopefully meeting me, that was sweet and flirty but also not too heavy. What I’m growing to really like about mr scenery is his sense of boundaries and checking in with me, we went on 5 dates without kissing and I asked him but since then he’s asked if it’s ok before kissing me, at times it’s annoying and I wish he’d be more proactive but I’m learning to respect him for taking it slow and checking in.

@Stuckinarut79 - thanks for replying. I’m very new to OLD so I’m finding my feet with the unwritten rules which obviously shift according to anyone and everyone due to their different boundaries. I’ll always err on the side of caution and hopefully if a date developed then dip me toe in and hope flirty develops naturally. I look at the dating rules that head the thread - what is meant by mandatory loo update? You can tell how new I am to this...

@Fender I’m very new as well, and got lots to learn, insecurities seem to rush in without warning! I don’t think there’s a right or a wrong way, just be yourself and trust the right person will show up at the right time, playing games and second guessing the other person seldom works, as you’ll end up with a person who isn’t right for you.
Loo update is when your on a date - usually first one where you update the thread on progress because we are nosy and over invested here and are inpatient to know how it’s going! So a quick, they are really nice, I’m having a good time or oh no their photos are years out of date kind of thing!

I was a bit harsh in my last post I’ve always respected mr scenery for the pace he’s gone at I’m just finding I appreciate more now he’s letting me in gradually.

@Stuckinarut79 Me and Mr Ad were laughing about dick pics too before we met and he sent me a photo entitled 'your first dick pic'. I opened it, about to delete and block and it was Dick Van Dyke 😂
I found it very funny and was very relieved!

@Sunshineandflipflops lol that’s even better than a cockerel but then I live dick van dyke!! I’d love that message!

Thank you to who ever mentioned Michael Hussey, I do like him,
For you @TheCatWithTheHat this reminded me of you,
www.facebook.com/525275707491504/posts/3067064126645970/?vh=e&d=n And @Fender222 maybe helpful for you as well.

Another patio that could do with a clean here 😁