Dating Thread 186 - Heading into Spring with thicker skin and a new outlook on dating

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I too have been wondering about the Corovavirus - have a 1st date on Thursday so no idea if a kiss might be on the cards - but almost want to decide in advance if i would snog or not?? I think in general I'm more worried about catching a cold sore - but maybe i'm being too blase about covid-19???
Meanwhile had a new match this morning - who has amazingly messaged first so now having an internal date about multi dating as for the first time ever that looks like I may end up doing it - before I've only ever dated or chatted to one person at a time. for some reason I seem to have got more matches this time round so am speaking to more than one guy....... its a dilemma as I really don't have a "favourite" yet!

I think the snogging is ok for the next week or so. Then I'd give it a miss. Keep an eye on the number of cases. It's going to all kick off very soon anyway

I am okay with meeting more than 1 person at 1st date stage, but if it got to anything physical then I wouldn't feel comfortable with more than 1.

@iamthrough - I am chatting to 3 irons now as well which feels a little odd. One has asked to meet so far.

@TheCatWithTheHat - please don't leave the thread, I like reading your updates, and a lot resonates with me ( and others). It's fine to say what you want on here, and everyone is anonymous anyway! I find it interesting how it's not unusual to be more devastated over ' what could have been', that rings true with me, as it's the potential / hope that is worse.

Re Corona, I wouldn't stop dating because of it, but it is concerning.

@Notcoolmum what I meant was for a healthy individual the symptoms are not worse than flu. Yes it is worse overall and the vulnerable aren’t protected.

I work from home so I’d still have to work if there was a lock down

Kissed Mr Finance on Sunday after our date, didn't even enter my head not to. Have another date tomorrow with Mr Petrol and would probably still kiss if I felt like it. Although Tinder did flash up a message about maintaining social distance!

Ooh @pomegranatefizz interesting to hear about the warning from tinder!!

I think having more than one first date candidate is fine. The first date is like an interview. What I wouldn't do again is date more than one person when we were sleeping together or close to. I've done it now. It served its purpose but I think I'm in a different place now.

@bangheadhere40 - yes that's the same for me 3 "irons" and one has asked for a date - Mr Muddy. Mr Mobile seems nice - but has told me he's currently living with his parents which has set alarm bells ringing that he's not actually ready to date. 3rd one is yet to get a name!
@pomegranatefizz yes I saw that warning too - bit hilarious really.
Will see how the chat goes with the guys I'm speaking too, will be interesting to see how I feel after date with Mr Muddy - as just simply because he asked first he may turn out to be favourite I do have a habit of falling for any guy that shows the slightest interest in me!

I’m normally quite laid back about flu etc (not a vulnerable group) but the corona virus thing is getting to me a bit. I live in a permanent state of self-isolation as I work from home, shop online etc. But Mr GN is at a conference today and I’m fighting the urge to tell him not to come round after. I’ve instead reminded him to touch elbows, not shake hands. For once on my life I’ve also got food in the house, including lovely healthy fruit 😂. No way I’d be snogging or touching complete strangers at this point.

Haven't seen my iron so maybe next week now. I wish our schedules were better matched. I have so much more free time than him so I need to work around his schedule. I'm not sure if this will develop to something more. Trying to just enjoy and not over invest but its hard when you like someone!

Morning all.
I work in a hospital every day and none of us here are particuarly phased. As a PP said upthread we are probably all gloing to come i contact with it at some point.

I am supposed to be seeing Mr P tonight but am definitely feeling the messages have been slowing down. I havent seen him last tuesday and as I said he practically vanished over the weekend when he had the kids.
Ive messaged our usual good morning and are we still ok for tonight but its been read with no reply... SO im busy convincing myself yet again that he is going to cancel.

@Clover I hope he doesn't cancel! Our messages have slowed but i dont know if its because we have seen each other alot recently and we know each other more now. There is not need (as much as I like it!) To be in constant contact. I cant work out if its that or hes losing interest or getting scared or just how he is normally.

I'm not too concerned about the virus. I'm just going to continue as normal really

I sent last nights date a message saying that as much as I enjoyed meeting him, I didn't feel that we were a good match. And I wished him well his search.

He replied, thanks and good luck.

If I don't want to see someone again, then I'll let them know, usually on the following morning. But if I think a second date might work then I'll wait to hear from them. And if I don't hear something after a day then I might message to see if they are still interested.

And what is it with impatient matches on Tinder??
I've had a few recently that have either sent multiple messages because I haven't replied straight away. Or unmatched me within a couple of hours because I haven't replied.

I would usually give people a day or two to reply. Not everyone is glued to their phone

@Echo - I normally am glued to my phone, but last night I wasn't for half an hour. The guy said ' oh well it was nice to talk to you then'.

I went back and said sorry I was just sorting something out....but yeah. I don't like waiting hours for a reply, hard to know what everyone sees as 'normal' really.

Some just chat, and don't finish the conversation either, that's rude as well!

Can't win really.

@Clovertoast - I really hope he doesn't cancel on you later, if you can, I would try and ask about the contact in between dates.

bangheadhere40
I understand not wanting to wait for hours for a reply when you're already chatting.
But these guys sent the initial message then either sent a rude "why match if you're not going to talk" follow up. Or just unmatched me.
I think it's happened about 5 times recently.
They have no idea if I've read their message or not.

So my non dating life is ok. Mr football still messaging, he's so hot and quite funny but no idea if we'll meet or what we'd have in common...

Mr RealLife god knows if he fancies me or we're just friends. I have no idea whatsoever. Part of me thinks it has a sense of inevitability but then I think he sees me just as an older female friend. We don't flirt ever. Not seen him in a couple of weeks but might tomorrow. He goes away for a couple of months soon. I've let myself admit that actually I do really fancy him...

@bangheadhere40 I wouldn't have apologised to him. I'd have unmatched him. What were you apologising for? Being busy and not at the beck and call of a stranger.

@notcoolmum 😁 true! He did come back and say he meant to say it's nice to speak to you, not ' it was'. I don't think he meant it aggressively...

@TheCatWithTheHat no need to leave the thread even temporarily, the advice provided has been excellent and whilst not necessarily always what we want to hear, comes from the right place, is insightful, often comes from personal experiences and is well meaning

Lots of the posts on here of mistakes, bad decisions, awful dates etc hopefully mean that others dont have to go through the same.
I may be wrong, but I think the battered and bruised element is knowing that PPs are right and that you need to rip the plaster off and delete any record of MissC from your life. It's tough I know, but it's the only way you're going to be able to move on and allow anyone else a chance 😉

Echo that's clearly guys who are getting so frustrated with OLD, they're trying to force the conversation which does exactly the opposite as it's so off putting.
There's lots of posts on here of "why match if you're not going to talk" but with the sense just to leave it rather than force it.

He's lucky he's speaking to you then bang as I'd have unmatched him!!

@Fender222 sorry to hear you were ghosted, but at least you now know she wasn't quite who you thought, but still difficult to come to terms with. Chalk it up to experience, dust yourself off and get back out there when you're ready 👍

I didn't comment at the time but your first post about how to move things on with her was perhaps an indication that things weren't quite right anyway.

I would have unmatched for that too @bandheadhere40

@Fender222 I meant to post to say sorry about the ghosting too. It's rubbish and after having snogged it's just plain rude and cowardly. You'll find someone who appreciates you though

I would normally, but he did say he had just joined and was finding it a little nerve-wracking knowing what to do....he seemed chilled in all his other messages. He is Mr Wall, not asked to meet yet.

I need to get back to Mr Law about when to meet at the weekend, he gave me his number and said if it's easier to message then I can text him, but I think I am going to stick to messaging on Tinder.