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Original poster

Boyfriend said he wished I died

165 replies

Mayjames · 03/03/2020 20:56

Hi, this might be something or nothing but to be honest I’m slightly confused.

We are having issues anyway in our relationship but ok At the moment and in general... so we were play fighting and messing about with each other and then he randomly says he wished I would die... I just don’t get where it came from...

I straight away stepped back and asked what he said Incase I heard it wrong and he repeated it. Since then I haven’t spoke, he asked me smirking if I was going to be upset Because of it, asif it was nothing.

As I said, I’ve said nothing since and neither has he. Am I being over dramatic and what does it mean for someone to say that, especially not in an argument. I just find it weird, really weird and it has upset me, I think it’s a really strong thing to say.

Any help? I don’t know how to approach it or if I’m being too sensitive 🤨

OP posts:
Chiochan · 03/03/2020 22:16

Hes a sadist testing boundaries and getting off on your confusion and pain. my advice though you probably wont take it is dump the fucker now
(and be sadistically confusing about it, something like letting him believe its all blown over and you adore him and then casually announce tomorrow evening coud he just be a darling and move all his stuff out as your new guy is coming over and, you know, everyone hates a scene)

Doodlesquah1 · 03/03/2020 22:18

Nasty thing to say. I don’t know if I could forgive that to be honest Flowers

Oopsinamechangedagain2020 · 03/03/2020 22:21

That sounds really weird and not normal.

I have quite a weird sense of humour. If I was play fighting with my boyfriend then I could see one of us saying in jest 'oh just die will you' but it would be inbetween giggles and not serious at all.

The way you've described your situation sounds wrong!

Tigerty · 03/03/2020 22:22

That’s an emotional vampire dining out on your upset. You could hang around and eventually discover what type of emotional vampire psychopath/sociopath/narcissist etc or pack up and run for the hills.

He’s minimising the impact. I suspect he’s hoovering you at the moment. This is going to happen again and again. Question is do you want to have to keep dealing with this type of nonsense?

pallasathena · 03/03/2020 22:22

He's sick and you need to raise your standards OP.

Icecreamdiva · 03/03/2020 22:25

It’s amazing how often ‘play fighting’ ends in unacceptable behaviour. I agree with @lolaflores. Just as there are no jokes, there is no such thing as good natured play fighting. It’s disguised aggression and anger that indicates unspoken problems in a relationship.

FlowerArranger · 03/03/2020 22:28

That’s an emotional vampire dining out on your upset

@Tigerty.... that's a good line - I must remember it Shock

And VERY apt!

Cocojumbo · 03/03/2020 22:31

My ex boyfriend said that to me many years ago. Had no desire to have a relationship with someone who wanted me dead after that. I wouldn't wish that to my worst enemy. If for whatever reason he ever pops up in my mind, that is the first thing I remember about him.

Kraejka · 03/03/2020 22:32

We are having issues anyway in our relationship but ok At the moment and in general... so we were play fighting and messing about with each other and then he randomly says he wished I would die... I just don’t get where it came from...

You're having issues in the relationship then he comes out with this? Get him gone ASAP. It's not working anyway.
If this had been some play fighting with a bf that you're getting on really well with, then maybe, just maybe, some comment said like that in jest wouldn't be a problem - but the fact that you're having problems and then his reaction anyway suggest you should be very wary.
Many a true word spoken in jest OP.

Get rid of him,

Friendsofmine · 03/03/2020 22:35

I think I would be worried he wants to end the relationship and wishing you died as would be a way out!

It's not the comment but the smirk I find more concerning.

There is more to this than a so called throw away comment.

frazzledasarock · 03/03/2020 22:36

How to approach it?

You dump him and never speak to him again.

Why on earth would you remain in a relationship where someone tells you to your face they wish you were dead?

Do you live together?

Do you have dc together?

How long have you been together?

You need to leave him ASAP.

Does it not scare you a grown man can calmly say such a thing to your face, twice?

Paddingtonthebear · 03/03/2020 22:36

Yes you should be upset, no you are not being unreasonable, no you are not being o overly sensitive and finally no it is not normal.

I wouldn’t have even waited around to see the smirk.

Don’t waste your life on this person.

Original poster
Mayjames · 03/03/2020 22:38

The play fighting wasn’t full on it was literally just messing about and was completely fine and not aggressive, that is why I didn’t understand where it came from. He thinks because he’s said sorry so many time that’s enough but once he says sorry there just excuses as to why he said it and that it didn’t mean it. I’ve explained to him it’s not genuine and he doesn’t acknowledge how bad it is. I don’t think he gets it that’s bad to hear because I’m his mind he didn’t mean it. Now it’s me apparently dragging it out and causing an argument. We do live together and have been together for 8 years. He’s never said this before. He does have a habit of flipping blame on to me with things though and minimising his actions. I’ve explained clearly I just expected him to be more genuinely shocked and upset he’d said it but he just keeps saying he didn’t mean it. I’ve explained it’s not something that just slips out 🙄. I don’t know if I can forgive it but him not acknowledging this is making it worse.

OP posts:
PurpleTrilby · 03/03/2020 22:39

Weird as fuck. Get rid, now. This is the most frightening things I've read in a long time.

Paddingtonthebear · 03/03/2020 22:42

So he can’t even give any explanation for why he said it?

And now he is minimising and putting it all on you “causing an argument”

Urgh. He sounds horrible.

Where do you see this going? Are you prepared to live with someone who can be like this? How can he make this better?

I think you know you are done OP

PurpleTrilby · 03/03/2020 22:43

No. He does mean it, he means to make you feel confused and doubt yourself. He's an utter cunt, get rid, as safely as you can.

Wereeaglesdare · 03/03/2020 22:44

Please get out now. Don't get fooled in to believing he's sorry and it's just so out of character. He probably has some kind of personality disorder. Take it from those of us who have been where you are. Some of them are just wrong. There's no fixing, changing, rewinding Time. He just presented you with an enormous red flag are you going to take it and run or are you going to waste years of your life wondering why somebody incapable of love and warmth can't love you back and constantly blaming yourself. Trust me this ends in a broken you fleeing in the middle of the night, bleeding narrowly escaping with your life and some significant damage to your mental health which you may never recover from.
Get someone who loves you and wouldn't ever say them hurtful things. Don't reason with that its incapable of reasoning or empathy by the sounds of it.

QueSera · 03/03/2020 22:44

He is a psycho. Please leave, carefully.

BitOfFun · 03/03/2020 22:46

Can you tell us more about these "issues" you've been having?

Dances · 03/03/2020 22:48

Ok this is Sick version Sunk Cost fallacy. Just because you have spent 8 years does not mean that you need to spend more years with someone who says that's he wants you dead.

How many years are you going to waste on him? What opportunities are you missing while staying with someone who is seriously creepy, at best?

Leave.

lottiegarbanzo · 03/03/2020 22:54

He wants to be free of you - sometimes he does, at least.

If it was 'just a fantasy', a dream of 'what if' other lives, he wouldn't have said it out loud. He's testing you to see what he can get away with, how off-balance he can throw you, yet still keep you as a functioning girlfriend.

Not someone to settle down with, that's for sure!

WhereYouLeftIt · 03/03/2020 22:57

"We are having issues anyway in our relationship but ok At the moment and in general"
They are really, really not OK. You are right to ask yourself where this comment came from.

And just because you've been together 8 years doesn't mean you have to be together for 9.

Runnerduck34 · 03/03/2020 22:59

Im sorry OP but thats really hurtful and his reaction by smirking etc is weird and inappropriate. I would be seriously rethinking this relationship before it goes any further, tbh i think you need to get out, there has been a history of problems already , what you described isnt normal or acceptable behaviour, you deserve so much better

CalleighDoodle · 03/03/2020 23:07

He uses cocaine.
He lies about it.
He has previously been verbally aggressive towards you.
His verbal aggression is obviously escalating if he is now wishing you dead.
Dont have a baby with him.

Leave him now.

oatmilk4breakfast · 03/03/2020 23:15

Dump him and be careful.

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