Feel like husband doesn't care

[Chickencuddle]

Feel like his priorities are football and sex and then the kids and everything else and then me at the bottom. I know I sound like a spoiled brat. But I dont need much. Just feel like he doesnt care about me.
For example I have been very poorly recently ended up in a and e and still feeling very ill on the way home from A and E he grabbed my hand and made me touch his boner. I was like why have you got a boner now. He was just like "can you sort it out for me."
The kids were asleep in the back but could have woken up at any minute. I said no u felt awful and anyway the kids are in the back and it's not right to do hat when they are there.
He was all aww you could just Bob your head down or use your hand and be discreet.
Etc.
I was talking seriously the other day about going back to work to help with Bill's etc. Maybe doing a short course to get back into work. He wasnt really listening and then just said
Aye well you dont have to sell your body in the meantime.
I was like what? As if I would ever do that and I just feel like that's all he thinks I'm good for.
Asked him to watch the kids for an hour the other day because I was feeling so ill I thought I might pass out and he just complained about not being able to watch football.
The only time he hugs me or is nice to me is if he wants something.
Everything is a sexual innuendo and always dry humping me. I just feel like a piece of meat someti.es and just wish he would back off. Let me get better and be caring.
Am I being a brat or what?

Seeking freedom. It might be dangerous for you if he finds the webcam. Have you spoken to him about it. You could maybe get an audio recording on your phone of the conversation. I have done this and it's basically a recording of me recounting things he did and him just saying mmmm or yeah I know. Or oh but it's more of a big deal to you because of your past. Or I would love if you did that. But it might still be useful in that hes not denying it.

Sending love to you both.

Mine got served a non molestation order today. Was pretty simple. My solicitor sent the application this morning and he was served it this afternoon just before 5pm.

Relief.

How do you get a non molestation order and is there a time limit on it? I dont know if it's the right thing for me personally but need to hear about it all. I dont know if keeping the kids away from him is for the best. He is a good dad I know it would break his heart and theirs too. But at the same time I'm nervous about him having them for say a whole day on his own. Anyway got lots of questions I need to ask WA whenever they get in touch.
Glad you have that and ots given you relief sendalls. So pleased for you and kids.

OP you desperately need a Non Molestation Order. It's written specifically for the individual's circumstances and can be obtained in several ways. Please ask the WA support worker about it tomorrow.

You can read more about it here.

Thanks kbm I'm worried it wont apply to me it says something like normally abuse has to have happened in the last 7 days and I feel like alot of it is focused on the woman being in imminent danger from physical abuse.

I could pick at so many little things. Just constantly putting me down especially about my weight.
But something that stuck with me today is I was walking down the hallway and he came down the opposite way. Saw me and kind of sped up and barged into me sticking his chest out when he did it. Made me stumble backwards but not fall onto the floor. I said "hey" and he laughed and said get in there you...as in turn round and go back into the kitchen. He didnt say it in a horrible way he was laughing as if it was a joke. Maybe I used to find this kind of thing funny? I dont know. Have I given him a reason to think I would like that? Because I didnt.

he is abusive every single day and even if they were little (they arent) they would add up to a whole lot anyway

TOday he started being physical - and he is hiding all of it with "banter/humour" when its deeply unpleasant

Then he kept saying "right comeon get her off the boob now."
She wasnt done and o kept telling him but he kept saying
Come on now. Time to get off. Get her off now

They are painting nicely and hes trying to get DS to do something on his that he doesnt want to do. DS is getting upset and doesnt wsnt to do it anymore.

Then later on he was trying to snog me and he kids were round and I just didnt feel comfy doing it. I tried to give him a peck and he kept going on and on. I said no and said about he kids but he just kept going on and saying come on quick. Com on. Come on and coming at me.

But he went on and on about the children starving in Africa and should he take a picture of her and send it to them they would die for it etc.
Went on for ages. She started crying saying she dodnt like him talking about her and him and ds were both talking about her and she didnt like it. I kept saying "ok let's just drop it now. Everyone's point has been made" but then he kept going on saying it was her not him and she now owed him an apology. She was saying she hadn't done anything. He kept repeating the same thing over and over "what do you say what do you say." But she didnt know why. I asked what she was apologising for and he said for crying because it was ridiculous and she had no need to cry.

Touching me during the day when kids about groping me sexual comments feel like its alot of pressure for me to be sexual with him.

This morning he wanted everyone to go for a walk first thing. Dd didnt wsnt to go as she was cold and tired and I tried suggesting I stay at home with her but every time I tried to speak he just shouted over the top of me "put her shoes on now. Put her shoes on now." Over and over so I just gave in and off her went. I tried to make it fun for the kids and took a few minutes but after about 10 minutes they started joining in little games etc and just when they started finding it fun he declared we all had to go back they didnt want to go back yet but his decision is final.

Good dad op?

You're right....thank you for reminding me. I guess he has been really good with the kids recently and It makes me feel bad especially because they love him and I know despite everything he really loves them.
Is absolutely no contact the beat option?not sure and it's all on my shoulders if I do something wrong I just want to do what's best for them now and in the long term.thank you for helping me see clearly.

I think no contact is the way to go. I still don't think you are fully aware of the psychological torture he is putting you and your kids through. Passing everything off as a joke or telling you that other women would love it are deliberate tactics to make you question yourself, make you feel like the crazy one, to keep you confused and keep you in line. They work so well on you a grown-up intelligent woman, imagine the havoc they can wreak on your kids.

Hopefully someone with experience with the family courts can give you some information on how to best go about things.

I know it's been said before op. But please leave with your kids as soon as you can.

Here’s a little test to see what your kids really think; get them to draw a picture of mummy and daddy.

You would be surprised how honest children can be in a drawing even when they have learned to keep quiet.

He sounds like it’s not his family unless he’s in charge. Which will make you all very sad, and isn’t good fathering.

A could be really good with them. He keeps texting saying how much he loves and misses them.
Is he a good dad?

OP can you please endeavour to contact WA today and get some advice on how to proceed.

If the office doesn't contact you, can you text the WA worker. You've already spoken to her on the phone so go to the area of your phone that shows phone calls. Look for the date you spoke to her and find her number.

If for any reason, you cannot get in contact with WA today can you please get back in contact with the Domestic Abuse Helpline. If you can't talk on the phone, can you email: [email protected] and let them know that you cannot get in contact with WA and need urgent assistance.

I understand that you don't see sexual abuse such as grabbing your crotch or breasts as physical abuse but it is. You need to protect yourself and your children from this man. The way to do that is to either contact the police or contact a domestic abuse organisation.

You can also contact a solicitor to get advice on the injunctions. You should be entitled to legal aid and I have given you all the details you need, including the actual forms and guidelines in order to do that. I've also provided you with an email address to send to a legal advice organisation who can help you with those forms and give you advice.You just have to copy and paste the email and send it to the email address provided.

You have been given your options up thread, advised on your legal options. You have the phone numbers of all the refuges in NI that provide accommodation for women with children.

I managed to contact womens aid as soon as they opened this morning I asked for the support worker to contact me via email as I cant phone again only had that small window of time this morning. She emailed and I have emailed back asking for help to leave and mentioned some of the things happening. I'm waiting for an email back.
I know I need yo leave but it's extremely hard.
I delete everything on my phone. Phone calls history etc everything just incase but I have the email now and I've archived it.
We did colouring this morning and is said to dd why doesnt she do a drawing of our family. She didnt do anything out of the ordinary?

Well done! I can't believe how brave you're being, it's amazing. I was readying myself to have to encourage you to do it but you're striding forth like a new woman. I have nothing but admiration for you. Please let us know what she says if you can.

Stop putting not wanting a broken family over the welfare of your kids. He's a rapist and a piece of shit, and you need to divorce him.

Well done op. One step at a time.

Yes, you sound like a new woman. A woman who knows her own mind and can make informed decisions for herself! Keep going...... 😁

I'm so so proud of you. Well done. You are so strong. Hope they reply asap.

Well done OP. You should be so incredibly proud of yourself

Well done.

Well done OP, you can do this!

It is so hard
One step at a time
Keep posting on here lots of wise people here to help
Don't doubt yourself
You need to stay strong

Well done

Hi OP, just wondering how you are and if you managed to get some communication going today.

Unfortunately they womens aid support worker didnt email me back I emailed her around 9.30 as soon as I got her email. But she hasnt emailed back yet. It's hard because I cant use the phone it's going to take alot longer to get advice.
Meanwhile fat jibes continue.
Slapped my bum really hard then grabbed it hard. Said there was a lot of junk in it. I didnt respond he said it again I said yeah....so? He said well it's a good job I love you that's all I'm saying. Like....you have a horrible bum but I love you and I'm putting up with it? Or maybe I'm over sensitive again.
Comments about my weight.
2 sexual comments around the kids.
My dd told him today about us playing hide and seek and mummy got stuck under the bed he said to her "mummy's bum cant fit anywhere never mind under the bed."
Told me to bend over so he could see my cleavage in front of kids.
He has spent hardly any time with the kids today. Even on the phone to various family members arguing about something. Literally 2 hours.
Sorted his CDs and DVDs alphabetically. On his phone alot. Looking through photos this morning for 2 hours.
Didnt have dinner with us as on phone for hours.
I dont mind this. But it's the double standards. I went inside for literally 10 minutes. I told him I was going in and could he watch the kids a minute. Went to the toilet and edited food shop. He kept shoouting me to come out then when I did he said to kids " mummy has been inside on her own for an hour. You've been ages mummy" I was literally 10 minutes. The only time I've had all day.

Thanks so much everyone for support