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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I said I'm falling for him....

57 replies

Louise000000 · 02/03/2020 08:01

Ive been seeing a lovely man for a while now. Hes previously mentiond that he is guarded due to previously being hurt. However a few weeks back, he said he does have feelings for me.
Anyway he just texted last night and me being me i said 'i think im falling for you' to which he's just replied with a joke that theres medication for that or something. Anyway I just changed the subject after that.
Where do I go from there? Just not mention it again?
Not too sure what I was hoping for, possibly just a hint that he feels the same maybe.

OP posts:
TheSparkling · 02/03/2020 12:08

I actually think the OP has a valid point, probably because I am in a similar situation myself although only 3 months down the line. I am beginning to wonder if it is about power and control.

Onemansoapopera · 02/03/2020 12:18

Lots of posters being needlessly twatty to the OP I'm not sure why 👀 completely valid to wonder if it's worth continuing a fledgling relationship when someone moves away for a bit. I get you OP! He says he wants to carry on, you just need to decide now if you want to as well. There is literally nothing at all wrong with wearing your heart on your sleeve and the same posters pulling you for that are the ones who are pulling you for game playing 😆 just do what feels right, being open and honest when it feels right for you and if he's the right one he will be too when it feels right for him.

FlowerArranger · 02/03/2020 12:48

There's being open, and there's being needy, asking for reassurance when the bloke's actions suggest that he is keeping his options open.

In my defense ive invested alot of time and energy into this person

And what or how much has HE invested?

I don't get royalties for recommending WWLTM. It's not your standard self-help book. It's a classic, and there's a reason for that.

Read it. It'll open your eyes.

dottiedodah · 02/03/2020 13:39

I dont think you do come across as "needy" at all . Women tend to wear their hearts on their sleeve (generally ,not everyone)! and like to know how their guy is feeling . If hes going to be away in April, then nice to have an indication of how the relationship is going along . Maybe just enjoy being together for now .And if you have the break for a few weeks while hes away ,See how you both feel then .Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that !

ShesCurly · 02/03/2020 13:50

I hope I'm not being needlessly twatty as someone put it BUT it's very unfair to try and coerce someone into saying what you want to hear. Or to punish them for not doing so.

You might not see it that way but while you were ready to say what you said, you shouldn't have said it with the expectation of it being said back - because he might not be there yet.

I've been on the receiving end of someone saying I love you very early on and I honestly didn't know what to say because I didn't feel that way yet so I garbled something like you're my favourite person to spend time with I feel really lucky I met you, and they looked like a wounded puppy and punished me for it by sulking. It's not fair to say things to tease out the other persons feelings.

If you can't tell how they feel to the extent it's upsetting you then that's a problem in itself, as the relationship isn't secure or healthy enough to feel you are on the same page.

But it's very immature to press the other person to express their feelings and then think anything other than a reflection of your own feelings means they aren't invested.

So, you are an agent in your own life. You don't need to wait for another adult to tell you what to do. Are you happy to keep seeing him? Genuinely happy, without being a bit resentful he hasn't said the words you want to hear?

If you feel you've invested a lot more in him than he has in you, and you aren't happy with that then you're free to stop seeing him.

Honeyroar · 02/03/2020 19:54

Gosh people are grilling you over this OP! I think it’s a perfectly acceptable thing to say at four months in. Yes it would’ve perhaps been better said to his face, but hey ho. Give him a bit of time, absolutely do not push any more for how he feels. If you feel it’s going well, just enjoy it, and see what happens.

Louise000000 · 02/03/2020 21:59

@Honeyroar I know! Lucky I'm thick skinned Grin

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