The Happy Singleton- Part Two

[mildlymiffed]

Ta-dah! Welcome to all our happily (sometimes, admittedly, less so!) single peeps! All welcome, whether your recently singled or a long-term singleton.

We've got this solo thing sorted (-ish!)

@misty9 do your thang!

Also @nosleepp, how dare he call you chavvy. It's a horribke expression and also, he was the one using drugs and prostitutes, and getting you in debt, so he really couldn't get any lower with classless behaviour!

He is obviously pissed off that you had enough of him, and that you haven't forgiven him for his atrocious behaviour. He is clearly a self pitying idiot. My God you can do so much better! Even having your bits heat sealed together, being single forever, and becoming thr mad woman with cats is doing much better than being with that walking STI!

Chin up, he is a knob and you aren't. He doesn't like it. Tough shit on him.

@nosleepp your ex did what? What the chuffing hell is the point - he’s inviously still bothered about your reactions. So you have to master the ‘I don’t give a crap’ facial expression and voice. 😐. And do not let it bother you. You’ve been an ace mum - e Everyone knows looking after a poorly child is exhausting. You’re doing a great job.

@shitwithsugaron you think you were clearer with your boundaries because you weren’t emotionally invested? Therefore it was easier to ask him to do one? I once had a bloke - really really handsome and f’ing sexy - ask me if he could take a photo of me whilst performing a sex act (ahem) for his ‘wank bank’ . I gave him a Paddington bear hard stare followed by “how old are you?”. It did the trick. I think they just try any old shit and see how far you can be pushed. So well done for sticking to your guns. Hope you followed it up with a ‘you were rubbish’ text?

Thank you both!. The chavvy comment has hurt me, because I suppose I am technically what people would describe as chavvy and I’ve always been worried that people will judge me for it. And he knows that, he’s just a massive cock!. But I’m getting used to it now and am just going to focus on the babies and getting myself strong enough to tell him to do one

@nosleepp there is no way you are a chav. Chavs dont worry about being seen as chavs. So therefore you can't be! And even if you were, it's not like it's a crime.....unlike drug taking and using hookers.......

Why not tell him to do one anyway? It might make you feel stronger. And if not, he has still done one which is a bonus anyway xx

What an absolute dick he is @nosleepp but remember he's only said this, because he knows it gets to you. They always pick the things to get you. That's his agenda to try and hurt you, by you calling you this and then telling you about the women he's been with. Honestly all that, because you have hurt his little ego. He needs to grow up! You are much better off without him and deserve so much more. He knows this, hence why he's throwing abuse. I hare people like him.

@shitwithsugaron so proud of you. I absolutely get where you are coming from on how in the past you would have just gone along with it. It shows how strong you are becoming within yourself. QUEEN 😘

This is amazing @Maturewine78 I'm up for donating.

Good evening! I'm v new at being single (couple of months) after 20 years of marriage.

How do you get into a routine? Tonight for example I feel at a loss of what to do. Kids are all settled in for the night. No family close by (hundreds of miles away) I've no idea how to be single and I know that sounds ridiculous, but I find myself getting bored and lonely 😏

Any tips/advice about how to move forward?

And no plans on dating etc for the foreseeable

That's him trying to save face @shitwithsugaron the bloke needs to have a hard word with himself. Because the only thing he'll find sexually compatible is his hand.

Hey @3NMe I think everyone is different with how they cope, it's hard with no family around Do you have friends around you?

I found making plans helps, so for me right now I'm focussing on decorating the house. A few hours a night. I go to the gym or do you tube fitness videos in the house. I try to make plans with friends.

Do you have a hobbies or things you like to do?

Thank you! I know he is trying to get a rise out of me, and if I could I’d block him and just leave him to it. But it worries me that he’s spiralling with the drugs and gambling and if I don’t pick up he’ll do something stupid, which I know isn’t my problem and that’s just the way he controlled me throughout the relationship. I think I will text his mom and tell her I’m not going to be answering my phone to him until he sorts himself out so if anything serious happens can she contact me. I don’t know why I’m so bothered by the chav comment, because I know that it isn’t even bad to be one. He just knows what to say to hurt me!.

@3NMe I’ve found getting a hobby has really helped, I like to do crafts so when the kids go to bed I’ll do some. I’ve also took up writing.

I'm still trying to find my feet tbh. I've not really got any friends (moved here a couple of years ago) and it's never really bothered me. I don't work at the moment and haven't for a few years (exh and me agreed on this)

My 3 go to 3 different schools, one dc has additional needs. I have applied for a few jobs and had interviews since ex left (evening work, ex could stay and look after the dc) but I'm really just on my own 😏

Really hoping I can get into work but at the moment it just me and my 3 dc and no one else

I have to say I've always been happy in my own company but I have always had my husband there. Now I'm getting used to him not being there I'm starting to feel a bit lost. The separation was the right decision and we ain't be getting back together, I'm just not sure how to make a life without him here I guess

@3NMe that sounds super hard!. How old are your 3? Is there any way you could meet any friends through them?. Is there any chance you could find a hobby that might have an impact on your employability so you’re killing two birds with one stone?. It could all be useless advice but just an idea

I think that's great advice from @nosleepp about trying to do a hobby that might help with a job @3NMe

Meet up looks a great app to find people and also include hobbies. It's always hard taking the first step. But once you do it, it's so much easier.

I woke up this morning to a text from my last dickhead of a man. The man who I told to leave to not text me again in Jan and to let me move on. After he made me feel so awful about my body that I contemplated getting a boob job. His text was just a jokingly text about something I'd put on social media. Which also tells me he's watching what I post on there. 6 weeks later.

I would block him. But tbh he's the type that would then love that reaction and find anyway to contact me more. He did this at the start when he pestered me for weeks for a date and I ended up blocking him. He went down every avenue of social media and then when he was blocked on everything he rang me on a withheld number. I mean to tbh I knew then. But he actually convinced me I had him all wrong and that he was a decent guy and I should give him a go. Which I did. Backfired 6 weeks later. Oh hindsight is beautiful ain't it.

So I'm just deleting his message and ignoring. Hoping he doesn't get in touch again

Oh, I'm glad I found the second thread, I had a mini panic then when I saw the original was up to 999 posts. Nothing much going on here, but will just reintroduce myself - single mum of a 2 yr old, 2 dogs, 1 cat, no child support and no child care from exDH. And still happier than when we were together :) Think that about covers everything, looking forward to being part of the thread.

@lifegoes delete and ignore is the best way to go!.

Afternoon everyone! Hope you are all enjoying your weekend. We have had "trauma" in our house today. The cat had a trip to a vet for her yearly injections. Oh dear. You have never heard such loud miaows as she made all the way there and all the way home. Things were terrible in her furry world (apparently). Dreamies on her return home have helped to deaden the trauma a bit, but the cat isn't talking to me. Oops!

Welcome @3NMe things do sound hard at the moment. On the plus side with that, they can only improve! I agree with what others have said: meet ups and volunteering. Even volunteering at a school can help make mum friends and make you feel a part of something. And it fits in with the school day too. Where in the country are you, roughly? Maybe some of us could help you search for stuff in your area?

Hope you are feeling better today @nosleepp. You give good advice. Your ex really really didn't deserve you. It's clear that you are lovely and he.........isnt!

@lifegoes Ew that bloke sounds like a creepy fucker. If he does contact you again, mayne it's time for the "please do not contact me further. Any further contact will be viewed as harassment and reported to the police" spiel? I had to do it twice when blokes wouldn't piss off and leave me alone. It does tend to make them back off.

@anunseemlylovefordustin welcome back! I hope life has been treating you kindly? You really have your work cut out for you but huge kudos for cutting him out of your hair. The ex sounds like a twat.

How do all these twats seem to pull fabulous women? It's mind boggling really.

Hello my lovelies. Sorry I've been silent. Been struggling with a bout of anxiety and trying to distract. Am coming out of the black hole I think! Anyway- off out so can't reply to all- but welcome to our newbies! Please stick around. We're a friendly bunch and massively supportive.

@sirching you meanie! How dare you take poorly kitty to the vet! Be wary of revenge mechanisms. Like lying on the stairs ready to trip you up... feline tactics are very underhand!

Catch up later xxx

Thanks for the replies! I'm a parent governor so that takes some time and it's great being in school etc. Really hoping I get the most recent job I applied for I think that will help to ease my loneliness!

I'm in the north east, England 😊 Currently freezing at the park by the sea so the dc's can burn their energy off 😊

Just got back from the walk in centre. DS has tonsillitis and needed antibiotics bless him

@SirChing aww bless her, lots of dreamies in need for her. Thank you, feeling a lot better today. Other than DS and his tonsillitis!.

@mildlymiffed I hope you’re feeling a bit better, are you on any medication for your anxiety? X

@3NMe I’ll keep everything crossed for you my lovely x

@nosleepp tonsillitis is a pain indeed. As a child I had it a lot, and like you the ended up whipping them out, when I was 21!!! They seem more reluctant now to do it as a more standard procedure.

No anxiety meds here, but have spoken to the docs before about it. May be worth going back in again. Hard to tell- usually I'm fine, just get these occasional flare ups. Things can seem worse when you're solo sometimes as there isn't always that voice of reason to temper some of my irrational thoughts!

@mildlymiffed I’ve had mine out too, was awful!: his tonsils were basically pure white bless him. I’m on propranolol, and they’re great as you can take them as and when, or all the time if your anxiety is really bad. But if I know that one day will be an extra anxious day I’ll take one.

I’ve also finished DD’s side of the room. I’m really chuffed with it. She’s going to sleep there for the first time tonight. Here’s a picture, featuring little ginger DD😂

@nosleepp that is just beautiful! You should be really proud. Did you do the wallpapering?

@nosleepp how cute!!!! And the little one is just adorable. Thank you for sharing
Sorry for the tonsillitis pains.

I was very very close to telling my exP I miss him. Because I don’t, I miss being loved, but I don’t miss him.
So I did what I know best: took the dog for a run, then cleaned the house too to bottom, including moping the floors and changing the bed.

Currently soaking in a hot bath, I’ll go to bed and all will be well by the morning.