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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Happy Singleton- Part Two

722 replies

mildlymiffed · 01/03/2020 22:47

Ta-dah! Welcome to all our happily (sometimes, admittedly, less so!) single peeps! All welcome, whether your recently singled or a long-term singleton.

We've got this solo thing sorted (-ish!)

@misty9 do your thang!

OP posts:
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mildlymiffed · 05/03/2020 22:49

@BuddhaAtSea he's 10! And a little legend!

OP posts:
Upyerbum70 · 05/03/2020 23:18

Omg I just - briefly/stupidly - pressed ‘unhide’ on my old Bumble profile. I swiped through a few and saw a bloke I sort of went out with /had a lot of sex with this times last year, before he unceremoniously ghosted me. He’s looking for a ‘third wheel to join him and his girlfriend’.

Now I appreciate this is completely fine and horses for courses etc - but I’ve never hit the ‘hide my profile’ button so fast in my life.

I need to delete the apps. I’m not brave enough for this lark. I need to learn how to knit.

nosleepp · 05/03/2020 23:34

Sorry I have a killer headache so sorry to read and run!

But @lifegoes it took me about a month to get it where I wanted it to be. It was a 2 bed council house, and came awful, the hallway and stairs were painted bright pink and the kids’ room was an awful green. So I spent ages just painting everywhere and wallpapering. The kitchen still isn’t great, but I’m in no rush to sort it. My bedroom also could do with a new style but not my top priority at the minute. I’ve just finished papering the kids room as we have marvel paper on one side for DS and then unicorn on the other for DD. That took ages

SirChing · 05/03/2020 23:49

Evening everyone! And welcome to the newbies. So glad you found your way here, even if it's not under the best of circumstances for all of you. You know, of everyone who has joined these threads, there is not a single person whose ex deserved them. You are all far far too good for the crap you have been subjected to. I think the trick is for everyone to realise that for themselves too.

@Misty9 you are being too hard on yourself. You aren't well today which knocks you off centre, but you STILL realised it was a scam in time. These scams are bloody good, or they would never work! You are meant to be taken in. But even feeling ill, you clicked in time. YOU protected yourself. A near miss is still a miss. So be chuffed with yourself!

@shitwithsugaron hooray re the interview. It sounds like it went brilliantly. Good luck x

@undercoveraessedai sending huge hugs for the weekend. I hope it's a peaceful and bearable as possible. And for your mum too Flowers

Wow, loads of comments on FWBs. I originally met mine on a site like Fabswingers. I have found that strangely, the more openly "naughty" a site is, the more respect the men on there seem to have for women. Mostly because it's all honest and open. And those values are seen as the most important things, along with safety, consent, and being able to openly discuss things like when they were last checked for STIs. They also tend to be much more respectful of women's preferences and boundaries. I think it's because it's all above bored, and anyone who is going to be so honest about what they are looking for, would tend to have a bit of integrity. Its about a million times more female friendly than "normal" dating sites.

No way would i use POF or anything for a FWB. The blokes just aren't honest enough. Yo be honest, when I am ready to date again, I would hope to meet someone who was as open as the people on Fabswingers. That openness of communication is something I won't ever settle for being without, now that I have had it.

That's my (wordy, sorry) opinion anyway.

SirChing · 05/03/2020 23:51

And yoo hoo to all you other lovelies. I have read all the posts but brain too scrambled to reply to everyone. Decorating photos are appreciated as still looking for inspiration Grin

Upyerbum70 · 06/03/2020 00:00

@SirChing Thanks for the words of wisdom and experience. I appreciate your candid advice.

I know being on my own is best for me- certainly for now - but occasionally my hormones get the better of me and I start reminiscing about how much I’ve enjoyed sex.

Tbh it all looks and sounds too scary to even attempt. Don’t think I have your confidence. But thanks again.

Well done to all the painters & decorators on here - making their homes lovely. It’s heartwarming to read.

undercoveraessedai · 06/03/2020 09:46

You are a magical lot! Thank you for good wishes ❤️

And I absolutely agree that we are all much too good for our various exes - is harder to see when you're in the midst of it though, isn't it?

@sirching that's unexpected but interesting - but makes a weird kind of sense! If only all interactions for dating were so clear cut and open, hey?

Excited to see everyone's decorating adventures, I plumped for all over cream on my walls because everything I own is bright and colourful and clashing 😂 might be braver when it comes to re-painting in a few years!

undercoveraessedai · 06/03/2020 09:47

@Upyerbum70 eeeek lucky escape!

SirChing · 06/03/2020 09:56

@Upyerbum70 Aw I really don't have much confidence. Just rampant hormones 😂

@undercoveraessedai It honestly does make sense in reality. It's counterintuitive as you would expect most people that blatant to be weird pervs. But nope, just really honest, bless them and not wanting to lead women a merry dance by promising a relationship when FWBs is all they want.

I too love colourful stuff so was thinking lots of creams. But then i really love the Hobbit look of yellows, deep reds and greens. So will probably go for that.

Maturewine78 · 06/03/2020 10:36

Oh WOW! a brand new thread, I will have to go back and catch up with all the posts I've missed. It has been a manic week at work and with my home routine also changing it has been a challenging couple of weeks.
@SirChing I will be running the Regent Park half on 19 April. You are all welcome to come I need all the support I can get to keep me going. I'm thinking of collecting for Brest Cancer charity. but I am worried I won't have much collected since I know so few people due to my social anxiety.
@itsallpointless I too can't be friends with my ex. I don't think I will be ok with him having a new gf, which I think he already has before he left me, but I am deliberately ignoring it for my own emotional well being.

SirChing · 06/03/2020 11:11

Hi @Maturewine78! I would love to come and watch you but wouldn't be able to get down to London that weekend. One if the few weekends that I have DD with me instead of with her dad. And don't worry about not knowing many people. The breast cancer charity won't care, they would just be grateful for any help you can give. Tell you what, you set up a just giving page and I will sponsor you £25 to start you off.

SirChing · 06/03/2020 11:12

Or go.fund me. Or whatever the hell it is 😂

shitwithsugaron · 06/03/2020 11:19

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nosleepp · 06/03/2020 11:22

@SirChing that’s great advice, I don’t think I’m confident enough to do it yet but I’m sure in a few months my hormones will make me do it lol.

My house is a mis-match. My living room is sparkly grey and pink, my kitchen is yellow, my room is brown but will be pink when I decorate it, bathroom is white and blue and then the kids room is unicorns and marvel. I love it though :).

DS is feeling really unwell, he usually goes to nursery for mornings everyday but wasn’t able to today. He’s asleep on the sofa and he never normally sleeps. He keeps saying his throat is sore, I’m hoping it isn’t tonsillitis as basically everyone in my family has had theirs taken out because of how bad it was. This is what I struggle with the most since being a single mum, because DD is only 6 months and is being really loud and annoying her brother and if we were together I wouldn’t got my Ex to take her out to the park or something to entertain her, but now I have to deal with it all on my own.

nosleepp · 06/03/2020 11:24

@Maturewine78 I wouldn’t be able to make it either, I’m from Birmingham so quite a drive. But I’m happy to sponsor you, it’d only be a fiver but still happy to do it

SirChing · 06/03/2020 12:01

@shitwithsugaron oh my God what happened?

SirChing · 06/03/2020 12:04

@nosleepp Ha, wait a few months then 😂 Your poor DS. Hope he is feeling a bit better. He sounds really off, bless him.

@Maturewine78 there you go, that's two potential sponsors already. And it all counts whether it's 5p or £50. Its still money they didn't have before.

Maturewine78 · 06/03/2020 12:31

I'm tearing up here …. you guys have made me so emotional, thank you so much for your support. I love this thread, you are all so awesome.
@SirChing and @nosleepp thank you for offering to sponsor me. As you have said, every penny raised will be appreciated by the charity. You have encourage me to set up the just giving site. Wish me luck!!
@shitwithsugaron I didn't think I could do it a few months back. But the running is keeping my mind off things (mainly men) and I thought it would be great to run for a good cause.
The Breast Cancer charity is close to my heart since both my aunt and grandmother died because of it. I will be running and raising money in their memory.

shitwithsugaron · 06/03/2020 13:15

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Upyerbum70 · 06/03/2020 13:23

@shitwithsugaron oh heavens above - no no no. What part of ‘no’ do they not get. It’s like having a toddler!!!! Seriously, Are you ok? sounds like a pretty un-fun experience (I’m off to order a chastity belt).

@Maturewine78 another £5 from me here. I pestered lots of folk to sponsor me when I did a sleep out last November. So now it’s my turn to pay it forward.

shitwithsugaron · 06/03/2020 13:26

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SirChing · 06/03/2020 14:00

@Maturewine78 Yippee, so glad you are setting it up! Will you give us the link or web address if links aren't allowed? I bet your aunt and grandmother are so bloody proud of you! What you have achieved and will achieve is awesome xx

SirChing · 06/03/2020 14:07

@shitwithsugaron Oh my God that's dreadful. Are you ok? That would really have shaken me up. He sounds totally self focused and just crap. Good for you for leaving! And for sticking to your boundaries. Had you discussed how you preferred things to be in the bedroom department before you met today? Not that it's any excuse for him whatsoever. Yuck! It sounds like he was trying to play out a porno. What a turn off.

Please be kind to yourself about It. Its natural to feel a bit upset but equally normal to think "fuck that loser" and mentally leave it there. We are here for you though, however you feel Flowers

nosleepp · 06/03/2020 14:21

Thank you @sirching, he’s still not himself. I’ve dosed him up on calpol and we’re watching stickman so he feels better. Lots of ice cream for his poorly throat too.

That sounds awful omg @shitwithsugaron I’m glad that you’re feeling proud of yourself though, well done you for standing up to him!!.

@Maturewine78 no problem! Link it here so we can donate!

I’ve had a load of abuse from the ex today, he called me to tell me I was an awful chavvy mother and telling me about all the women he’s been with. I’m feeling quite fragile now.

SirChing · 06/03/2020 14:45

@nosleeppaw aw Stickman and ice cream makes everything better. Except wanker exes! He phoned you to tell you you are chavvy and about the women he has slept with? What a twat!

Why didn't he just put a sign on his head which says "I really miss you and am pissed off that we aren't together, so I am going to try to hurt you so I feel better". What a transparent idiot! If he really did think you were awful and was having such a great time with other women, why would it occur to him to call you? The man is a dick.

Don't let him get to you. He is butthurt and trying to drag you down too. The fuckwit!