The Happy Singleton- Part Two

[mildlymiffed]

Ta-dah! Welcome to all our happily (sometimes, admittedly, less so!) single peeps! All welcome, whether your recently singled or a long-term singleton.

We've got this solo thing sorted (-ish!)

@misty9 do your thang!

@Itsallpointless you sound like me! My ex was abusive at times and an alcoholic but we have managed to stay friendly. It hurt initially as he immediately met two women who were besotted, one who he then stayed with. But in a weird way he is better when with someone, and less prone to outbursts. Unfortunately that ended badly too but I guess I'm saying you don't know what is happening behind closed doors, she might be seeing the good side only. The police got called for my ex and his new gf in the end. I think out of respect he never discussed her with me though, I didn't want to hear that.

welcome! @Emmerdaledramaqueen I’m the same with the decorating, my flat is tiny so I’m trying my best to make it look nice

@BuddhaAtSea that is the same as my DD’s dad. he was in prison due to the violence towards me and from then on i decided to cut contact. it looks like it’s going this way with DS’s dad as he’s now heavily involved in drugs (i really don’t know why this happens to me, i don’t actively seek out scumbags but as soon as i get pregnant that’s what they turn in to). it’s annoying because if i could have it my way the DC’s would never have contact with their dads, but i can’t stop them as they get older if they want to know them. it’s so stressful!

@Itsallpointless that seems perfectly natural to me!. i felt like that with DD’s dad, he was posting all over Facebook with his new gf and they seemed so happy, whilst i was sat alone with a screaming newborn and no help from him. i just can’t see how i could ever be friends with him.

in slightly happier news, i have decided a name for baby boy. we have been to toddler group and i decided to treat us to a subway for lunch. how is everyone today?

Hey @Eesha yeah I pulled away from the dating thread when I decided to spend some time single. Hope you are well

On the being friends with an ex. I'm not friends with my sons dad as he was physical and mentally abusive. However it's strange because I'm still friends with a few of my ex's and one is a good friend. I think it helps when the attraction is not there anymore. A few I speak to via social media.

Ones from last year I went NC with as it was best for me.

I do find that, over time you just start not caring and therefore it becomes easy to speak to.

Welcome to all newbies, I love this thread because it's great to have support when you are feeling lonely or starting out on the single path for a bit.

I had a blip over the weekend and felt a bit sorry for myself. Mainly because I look around at my friends (all in LTR or married) and started to think how am I 40 and not settled. Why does nobody want me... grrr

But I've tried to put it behind me, as I'm not looking. But I live in the hope that a nice man will just come and find me. In my home 😂😂😂

@Itsallpointless makes perfect sense if there is no closure, if you don’t understand what happened, where it all went wrong and you feel you might have had some sort of future.
I’m in the unenviable position of knowing exactly what the problem is and knowing it will never get better. My exP has a serious mental illness. It’s really not me. He did exactly the same to his parents, to his exW and subsequently to me. By the time I fully understood what was going on I was more than ready to kick him out.
We’re all silently dreading the day he finds his next victim.

Yay new thread! I do like the idea of us having a 'collective bosom' @bibliomania that sums it up really well.

@Misty9 Hope you're feeling better today

@NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace that sounds like such a scintillating conversation they had I am almost overwhelmed with jealousy

@Itsallpointless hi! I get on with DD's dad. We're off out on Thursday actually. He has a new lady in his life, but she gets on well with her ex too so it's all good. It was hard to put all the hurt to one side but we both did for DD's sake. I decided that her seeing her mum and dad getting on had to be my priority. So much as I feel like sticking pins in a voodoo doll sometimes, I hold it all in like a seething bag of tension, beneath an outwardly calm surface. And faked it until it became natural. Now I just don't care enough to not get on with him. Plus, the idea of sex with him makes me want to claw my own skin off. He is now like an incredibly annoying brother.

I have nothing to do with my more recent ex. Not only because he really offended me, but he was horrible about DD. That's my line in the sand and I told him that he had made it impossible to be friends. He sickens me now.

@bibliomania Aw, I have a bosom like a Blackpool landlady which you can sob into if you like? Is your DD too young to be left at home for a bit while you go and do your thing? Will she start going out into town with her mates at the weekend soon? To loiter round McDonald's or whatever it is they do now? Your DD sounds like a good judge of character which is great. It means she is less likely to be attracted to anyone abusive herself.

@StarbucksQueen Hi! Have you recovered from Thailand? I am so envious of your photos. Dont be surprised if you find me disguised as hand luggage next time you go!

@Emmerdaledramaqueen Welcome! Can we run a sweepstake on how long it would take for you as to irritate you to the point of screaming if he returned? I am going for.aix hours and one shag I bet you would want to kill him of he did turn up. And find yourself thinking "my God, I don't remember you being this annoying. Even your breathing is grating"

Waving at everyone else. My fibro is hurting my hands today so typing is a tad painful. Have a lovely Monday everyone xx

Oops that was meant to say "your ex" Emmerdale

Lol @SirChing wouldn’t actually mind the shag! (It’s been a long time!) but your right he dropped dd off this morning and was in all of 10 mins before I was irritated. @bibliomania I too have to try and arrange activities around dd I have started parkrun and am always dragging her around the route while threatening to leave her sitting in the car next week!!
At least I can have tea when I decide and also have something that I want instead of having to consider other people.

@SirChing I nearly had a heart attack, cross posted and just saw “meant to be ex” and thought I’m sure it said shag, I’m away to sit in the corner it’s been a long day already!

I broke up with my partner a few weeks ago - he never actually said it was over but just went stone cold on me until I got the hint. We've had our ups and downs throughout the relationship and always agreed that if anything happened we would still be friends.

I've texted him a couple of times over the last two weeks about very innocent things - i.e. I saw an offer on something he'd been looking for so let him know - and he has not responded to any of them.

Seeing as how we were so very happy for a long time and I'm absolutely positive there is no one else in his life, I don't understand how anyone can switch off their feelings so abruptly.

I don't want a relationship with him but had hoped to chat/have a cup of coffee occasionally. Am I being unrealistic?

Thanks for the bosoms. @SirChing, you're absolutely right that it's a good thing for dd to be able to see through her father and I hope she'll choose better than I did!

@Emmerdale, I am hoping to take up Parkrun, but luckily we live quite close so dd can always loiter in bed while I head off to that.

How long were you together @Sally99

I think some people take the coward way out and just ignore everything

Whilst you say you are sure there is nobody else, I wouldn't be trusting that. To be so happy and then end it by him going totally cold on you with no explanation seems very bizarre behaviour - if there was nobody else involved. Obv I'm just assuming here.

But I think the best thing for you, is to not try and engage in any conversation. If they can't show you the respect you deserve by ending it or even explaining why it's over. Then why does he deserve your friendship or effort of one.

that sounds awful @Sally99, he sounds like a coward

@StarbucksQueen..so it's not just me then..hurrah! I was beginning to think I was mad, I am actually, but not that kind of mad😀

@Eesha..another who thinks the same! I'm feeling so much better about this now!

@KLS02.."that's perfectly natural" thank you for that! I'm sorry you had to see that all over FB, it's the work of the devil is FB😖great you have a name for your LO😊

@lifegoes..it does help with the no attraction, I'm not attracted to my ex at all, never was really, that was the elephant in the room, but I do think it is the imagined outcome that eats me up. Yes it hurts when everyone's coupled up and (through no fault of your own) you're not, but you've no idea what's going on behind the nets!

@SirChing..it's great you have that relationship with your DD dad. I was also ok with my DC dad/gf and subsequent child, that's why I struggle with these feelings I have.

@BuddhaAtSea..One of the issues I have is the lies and deceit I experienced with him. I met a lady last year through a group I'd joined, that she met up with him online a couple of years before (when we were together!) she'd described him/his family (and dog) to a T, so all the things I'd accused him of were actually true. He lied and lied and lied, and he needn't have, as I stayed out of sympathy. He'd been meeting up with women behind my back, although I only have concrete proof of the lady I met. But it all falls into place now. So I guess I'm pissed that he's walked into a steady relationship immediately, after treating me like that!

Sorry..rant over😕

Thanks to everyone who has made me feel I'm 'normal'🤪

Oh I'm fully aware that I don't know what goes on behind closed doors. I've seen enough "faked" relationships that I could write a book. @Itsallpointless I didn't mean I was sat feeling jealous or envious of them. ( I probably didn't articulate myself well In my post tbh) I was just meaning I'd had a blip with feeling lonely, which I think is absolutely natural to have, and that I'm fine now.

@lifegoes..it's ok, it's not about jealousy, like you, I don't begrudge anyone anything, I'd just like something for myself.

Hello all! Bloody knackered today... and it's only Monday! Had a training course at work today which involved using my brain. Harrumph.

@bibliomania you could nuzzle into my bosom- but I'm afraid it's like two aspirins in a draining board!

In terms of the relationship with the exH, he's a good enough guy. I wouldn't say we're friends or not friends, we just kind of co-exist. We were together for 15 years in total. We just know each other well! His girlfriend on the other hand is really delightful. She's funny and witty. He's done well! The ex-boyf is an arse. Funny after only two months apart, but I can see now that he was unstable and not nice to my son (like @sirching has experienced)... don't need that.

I too get the occasional bouts of loneliness. But... I still know that I'm not strong enough to date. I'm not even strong enough for a fwb. I think I would fall in love, because they were being nice to me... and I don't want that. I need to be able to love me first! So- the man-ban continues. At some stage I may want to come out of the cocoon, but for now I feel safe and "self"-protected!

@mildlymiffed it's interesting what you say about FWB and getting attached. I thought I had feelings for mine but then realised it was because he was nice to me (like you said) and I wasn't scared of him. I ignored the fact that he has some mental health issues and emotionally unavailable. When I now look at things in the cold light of day, I realise that being nice to me is not enough for me in the long term. I think it was important for me to realise that, as you have stated so well in your post.

That said, we still see each other as he is amazing in other ways

@Eesha the jiggery-pokery 😂😂😂 would be nice. I just don't trust my emotional state just now! Exboyf has a lot to answer for! But it won't be forever, I think I know that!! I bought a new lampshade though, that's fulfilled my soul in other ways! 😂

A (big) part of me would like a FWB . I really enjoy sex and miss it. But I know I’d get attached and couldn’t keep my emotions under lock and key. Anyway I reckon I’d never find a FWB. One way ticket to Single town please.

@mildly..15 years is a long time, bound to be some familiarity there that keeps something going.

I think I am much older than most on here, late fifties..sigh. I've done my fair share of OLD, and couldn't face it ever again🤦🏼‍♀️probably not attractive enough to be 'pulled' on a night out either, so I guess I'll be single forever now, which, as long as I'm happy, I'm ok with. I cannot do any more head wrecks🙄

@mildlymiffed jiggery-pokery 🤣

i couldn’t deal with a FWB, i’d deffo get starched. i don’t have time for it either

@KLS02 that's the other thing. I'm quite busy!! Think anyone would want more of my time... ! To be fair I waste a fair bit pissing about on Mumsnet! But hey-ho!

I've just started watching the series sex education on the recommendation of a colleague. It is funny! Sorry if we've covered this already- anyone else seen it?