The Happy Singleton- Part Two

[mildlymiffed]

Ta-dah! Welcome to all our happily (sometimes, admittedly, less so!) single peeps! All welcome, whether your recently singled or a long-term singleton.

We've got this solo thing sorted (-ish!)

@misty9 do your thang!

On a positive note, does anyone find that since their brain isn't full of relationship twaddle, that they have far more attention to give to things? I find my concentration has improved loads and I am enjoying reading and TV box sets again. I struggled for a long time because I just couldn't focus. It's so good to get back to doing the things I enjoy.

I hope everyone else is having a nice Sunday, not letting life get them down too much. One day, all the stress of today will just be a tale we tell to other people

@Zaphodsotherhead I’m so sorry about your cat. Pets are like family and it hurts just as much when you lose one. Sending you lots of hugs.

@cbeebiessavedmylifee some people can be so insensitive. If she doesn’t have anything nice to say she should stay quiet. Is there any way for you to let her know her comments about your DS bother you and ask her to stop?

@SirChing you are so supportive and fabulous I would love to have you as my sister. Thank you for offering to sponsor me. I’ll put my justgiving link on Facebook soon.

Wishing you all a very lovely evening. I think I’ll call it a night early as I’ve had very little sleep over the last couple of days.

@Maturewine78 just chiming in to echo what other people have said. You haven't failed to protect her, please don't put that burden on yourself. You sound like an amazing sister.

@SirChing I definitely feel as if my mind is clearer and I have such focus nowadays, even with being permanently exhausted. I don't think the HRT hurts ;) But I think it's because I'm not wasting vast amounts of brain space on wondering wth is going on, what I can do to fix it, why do I feel like I'm being lied to etc.

@maturewine78 sorry to hear about your sister. Sending love and hugs.

And sorry to all that I've been so absent. I had terrible terrible anxiety the last couple of weeks. Got some meds from the doctor and am beginning to feel more human. But had to step away from MN as was getting stressed by some of the posts!

Lots of love to you all, and cheery thoughts for the rest of the week x

Evening all - this is long. You may want to look away now.

I’m interested to know if you folk on here all have a good support network. I struggle with not having a good parent, friend, sister etc that I can just say “today has been shit” to. Boy it’s lonely but I usually push through.

The recent pandemic news had practically tipped me over the edge. My (not) DM stays with me a lot of the time though I engineer work shifts fairly regularly so she can go home (a 90 min train journey) and we all get a break. But essentially she’s here to fill childcare gaps while I work silly shifts. She’s a strange fish. Not a very good parent when I was growing up - a lot of passive head-in-sand which exposed me and siblings to abuse. The day she’s got a call from my DB. He’s offered to drive hours to collect her and take her back to his house tomorrow. No discussion or planning. Even though I opened the topic yesterday with “have you had any thoughts about where you’d like to be in the coming weeks”. I just got a stroppy reply. Really not helpful. Now she’s jumping because he’s offered. I appreciate It’ll be good for her. But flipping difficult as f**k for me. Anyway...

Knowing you have no one is the weirdest feeling ever. I struggle with Next Of Kin on forms. Just wondered if others are in the same boat and what they do to counteract crappy moments/thoughts. If I could buy a ‘mother’ i would.

@Maturewine78 how are things with your sister? I hope she is safe, and that you are in a better place mentally. We all suffer with feelings of guilt, and we all think we can do better. I am sure you were/have/are doing everything you could have done

@Upyerbum70 I have no parents left, my DSDad passed away last December. My DM passed over 7 years ago, she was my rock. My DSIS passed 4 years ago, my second rock. I will probably know re support when I really need it, and then be disappointed by the lack of it. I have to say though, my DS is 22 and lives with me, and I have a DD 29 whom of course I can call on, but she has a life/work etc. Compared to some, yes I have a support network, but in reality, it doesn't come naturally to them as I am fiercely independent, and have always been 'strong'it must be upsetting for the realisation of "there's no one" and the fact your DB/DM didn't consult/discuss with you must have cut deeply, thats aside from the practical aspect of it for you. This situation all around us, really does make us question what we have doesn't it? My local community website has people posting offers of help to vulnerable people, how kindsupport doesn't always come from those you expect it from, Therein lies the problem.

Apologies for not RTFT. Have a good Monday all

@Maturewine78 I hope you and your sister are doing okay. Its natural to have a form of survivors guilt, but none of it then or now is your fault. Have you seen the resources on trauma by Carolyn Spring? Lots of people date her stuff as she went through trauma herself.

@Upyerbum70 it's understandable that situations like the current one highlight feeling alone. I have parents and siblings but they're either a long distance away or no real support. I have amazing friends luckily and they are my family. My exh is autistic and very asocial, so all my friendships and socialising were independent of him and not really affected by the split. However, I also never know what to write in the next of kin boxes! My best friend usually.

@mildlymiffed sorry to hear you're feeling so anxious. I bet this cv situation isn't helping I'm guessing you have tried it but is mindfulness any use? Living life to the full is an online free CBT programme too.

I'm doing okay and much better with a bit of distance from the scam a couple of weeks back. My holiday is now cancelled I presume as I doubt flights will resume in the next fortnight when we're due to go. It remains to be seen if I get my money back but I'm hopeful. I would like some opinions on something as, being on my own, it's hard to bear all the responsibility for major decisions! I'm buying a house and the family home was a beautiful 3 bed 1930s extended semi. Just for context about what I'm moving from... It's very important to me to stay near my friendship circle and that means I can't afford similar in this area. So the house I'm buying is a terrace with on street parking and a bisected garden (where there's a shared access path before the fenced off garden, so not straight from the house). Now, the two things that are important to me are light and gardening. And both are being compromised on with this house. But. It has 3 separate bedrooms (rare for a terrace around here), a bigger than usual kitchen, a fantastic location, very good condition, and a lovely light front room/bedroom. I wasn't lit up when I looked around each time but it's a good practical house that won't lose value. I'm renting and so want to buy asap, and I'm unlikely to find a better option in this area. I'm almost at the point of exchange and I've pulled out of one purchase last year as I decided it was too far away from my friends... What would you do??! It's at the top of my budget too. Location location location?

Re Carolyn Spring... Lots of people rate her stuff, not date! 😂

@Misty9

Sounds very much like the place I've just bought! Little terrace - quite dark in the front room and a right of way that goes past my kitchen door! I did umm and err about it, but I wanted to stay in the village where I've lived for the past 26 years. I could have bought a modern house in the nearest town with a private drive and garden and it was all new and fitted out, but i decided to stay and compromise.

I went from five beds, two bathrooms, utility and laundry room to two and a half beds, the right of way garden and a downstairs bathroom. I love it. On paper it might not be as good as the detached, private drive place, but I've come to love the foibles and annoyances of my own little place. Friends call it The Hobbit Hole, and the right of way isn't as annoying as I thought it would be.

Thanks to everyone else for the condolences on the loss of Little Cat. I shall miss her. RIP Zac, you cutey.

Upyerbum I know exactly what you mean. I had to cope with ill parents from a very early age, and everything was constantly heaped on me so I became a coper. So everyone always looks to me to cope and assumed I can and sometimes I just want to act like a terrible two and have a full on tantrum and shout what about me. I'm here. Can someone please see me. But I dont. I just drink 🍸🍸🍸. Probably better to have a good shout. So lots of sympathy here.
Zaphodsotherhead sorry 're your piss cat. X

Puss cat. V sorry but hope it Makes you laugh. Why is there no bloody edit.
Sorry again. X

@Accidentalaccountant...that just made me giggle hysterically. 'Piss cat' wasn't far from the mark really!

Hi everyone. Hope you are having a good Monday. I am having love life traumas which is quite an achievement as I am single, but fuck it. I cant be arsed with thinking about it.

@Misty9 I have shared access across my back garden. Aside from the window cleaner noone uses it. Every one is really respectful of each other's space and we all have gates at both sides so the gardens are private really. Even if you don't have gates at the minute, you can always put them in. My terrace is pretty dark too. But there's lots you can do with lighting and mirrors etc. I bet if the current residents had put "daylight" ceiling spots in, it would feel very different. You could also go through the loft to have one of those light well doodahs put in. I love my little house now. Worse case scenario is that you buy it and hate it. Well, leave it a year or so and then flog it. Or rent it out and buy another one. Once You have a property you have lots more options than renting. Go for it.

@Zaphod piss cat sounds like my furry fucker. Hope work was manageable and that you had lots of wine when you got home.

@Accidentalaccountant You can always always talk to us. We care. And you can even have a two year old tantrum if you like. With full on foot stamping. No-one will mind. I am in the same boat as you - the one others turn to. Luckily my best mate is my rock, even though she does live 250 miles away.

@anunseemlylovefordustin Oh God, the wondering if you are being lied to is the worst isn't it? I would rather be told the truth no matter how bad than be lied to. It eats away at you. So glad you aren't in that position any more. I could probably do with some HRT. Pretty sure I am peri menopausal. As soon as periods stop, I am off to the GP for some!

@mildlymiffed so sorry your anxiety has been bad. It's like a record player of worries going round in your head isn't it? It's bloody awful. I am so so glad you have meds. There is no shame in it and they really can make a difference. The website @Misty9 recommended is excellent. You really don't have to suffer alone with it. And you can get better, honestly (speaking from personal experience with that one).

@Upyerbum70 It's shit that you haven't got the parents you deserve or the support. Is your mum quite narcissistic and your brother the golden child by any chance? Toxic Parents by Susan Forward is excellent at looking at shitty family dynamics and makes lots of people feel much more able to cope with it. Family are massively overrated. Half mine are nasty bastards that I have nothing to do with. Abusive fuckers who use emotional blackmail to get their own way. Just horrible. So it's just me, my mum and my grandma. And my exH. I suppose my mum would be my NOK but I would rather exH was as he would respect my wishes more I think.

@Itsallpointless I am so sorry about all your bereavements. You don't have to be strong and independent with us. Ever

@Maturewine78 Hope things are feeling better today for both you and your sister. Hope the arsehole has stayed away too. Shame he can't be given a taste of his own medicine so that he is too scared to come near her ever again. I know violence isn't the answer, but it's sadly the only language some of these apes (sorry apes!) understand

Hey everyone.

Sorry I haven't been on lately, life has been really busy, trying to read through everything now and catch up.

But the general feel of the thread is, men create such a head fuck. With them or without them.

Hope everyone is well and keeping safe. ❤️

I still miss the little face popping up at the window. (This is cat related, not man related, by the way. Never missed a man popping up at my window...)

Day off again today. Working in the shop means we're frontline for germs but jobs should be safe. Worried about my kids's jobs, but they all have nicely important desk-type jobs which all look safe for now. So much to worry about that I think my brain has done worry-overload and is now skipping through mental flowers and pretending everything is fine!

Stay well, everyone!

Am about to be evacuated from Japan. Oh well. X

@lifegoes Hope things are ok with you? I think you have encapsulated the theme of the thread perfectly 😁

@Zaphodsotherhead yep, cat's faces at windows are cute. Men's faces at windows necessitate a restraining order. Definitely not cute! The mental flowers sound rather nice!

@Accidentalaccountant oh Blimey! Is that where you live? Hope you have a safe trip back. It's worrying isn't it?

Thanks for making me laugh @Zaphodsotherhead that idea of men's faces at windows sounds terrifying and hilarious!

Hope everyone is doing okay, this thread has never been quite so relevant and amazing. I'm so glad I joined.

Hello everyone,

My sister is coping well. Victim support have been in touch and they were very supportive helping put my sisters mind at rest. The fucker has been calling her but she is not responding. I hope she ignores him permanently.

I’ve been sent home from work. Due to covid-19 our site is closed and everyone has been asked to work from home. I went to the supermarket to do grocery shopping for my sister and me to find the shelves empty which is worrying.

Hope everyone is keeping safe. Please keep posting and don’t feel alone or isolated. I for one am here to give support to anyone who needs it.

Hello all.
Manic here for the past few days, but I have an almost zen calmness.
I saw reports of Venice and just how much the nature has thrived with humans away for a while. I think this is what’s going to happen to us too, the isolation will give us a chance to come off the wheel for a bit and spend time with ourselves.
Hope everyone is doing alright.

Me too on the evacuation from japan. I'd sooner stay here. We thought we were being brave coming out. Actually we're been brave going home.
It's so odd and interesting. Almost every public loo here has mountains of loo roll. But it's japan. No one nicks anything !
The world is a crazy place right now.

@autumntimebrowns are you on holiday there?

Not for much longer!! Currently in airport hotel finishing the last of our duty free rum.