Dumped by text ( part 2)

[RunningInRain]

Hi, it’s been suggested I start a new thread as last one nearly full.
My previous name was user1471427667 and in the early hours of one morning nearly 6 weeks ago, my seemingly wonderful boyfriend of two years sent me this text message:
“Hey I’ve been thinking about us and it’s just not working out so best to end it. No need to reply. All the best.”
I was completely blindsided at being dumped when there seemed to be no reason, but mostly at the cold, dismissive way he did it. The words “no need to reply” were particularly cruel. I started a thread on here and was overwhelmed by the support. It’s no exaggeration to say, I was on the floor crying a lot of the first few days (and a few since) .
Even though I was, at first, desperate to talk to him, I didn’t. I knew there could be no ‘good’ outcome of me contacting him. It’s now been 6 weeks and he has sent a few messages - nothing substantial and no apology.
I’m slowly feeling stronger, helped by my friends, this thread, my new found love of running, especially in storms (hence my new name) and by choosing everyday not to reply to him.
I’m not over him yet, so hopefully this thread will continue to help me keep on the right path and help others going through something similar.
Can hear the rain lashing against my windows so I’m off for a run!

@Newtothis5643
He has done a despicable thing to both you and his daughter.
In time when you've got over the shock of it all, you will recognise what an arsehole he really is.
Give yourself time you will be ok and you really will be much better off without him - you just can't see it at this time.
Good luck.

@MaeveDidIt - thank you. we had a long history of friendship. He loved being involved with my family - I am finding it really hard to accept that he is an arsehole but you know what - I know you are probably very right and I am being extremely niaive. thank you

@Newtothis5643, poor you, that most have been such a shock. Please try to remember this is his issue. If he can't talk about things that are stressing him out then he can't commit to a real relationship long-term. It's not you, try not to look back on what you've done, it's about him. How long were you actually together (in a relationship rather than friends)? It's very tough - you will get over this and be stronger for it.

@Mostlyhappy4 thanks for saying that - makes me feel a bit better for 30 seconds and then all the churning and heart pain starts again.
It’s the not being able to fathom out how he’d rather sabotage everything and on such bad terms, rather than have a conversation.
I get that you can’t force someone to love you or want to be with you but after such a good spell, nearly 2 years - then why would you at least not make it amicable, for the sake of our families and his daughter. And us. Why has he not had any remorse yet to even message and say, I’m sorry I dealt with that so badly and sorry I can’t do this but this is what he’s told his daughter etc etc
How can he just leave it severed so cruelly and be posting pictures on facebook as if life is normal!?
It’s beyond comprehension!

@Sadlonely my heart goes out to you - you sound like me. People keep saying focus on you and what makes you happy. I can’t even face eating and drinking things we used to enjoy together. I can’t even watch coronation street because it was like we watched it together with a glass of wine on the Friday, discussing it all and then he the Sunday he was gone. Sounds so pathetic but nothing is making me happy at the moment and I am scared as to how long this will last - keep going, seems there are more of us feeling this than I thought

Here to cheer you on after reading the whole of your last thread. And I'm so glad you that you've taken up running instead your booze and ice- cream! You are inspirational!

I've searched for this thread because I wanted to check you're ok OP

@newtothis I'm sorry that this has happened to you too but honestly, you're so much better off than with a man capable of this

@Newtothis5643

You poor thing

I know it might not help right now but thank goodness it's ended before you had a baby with him if you were trying - you deserve to have a baby with someone who isn't capable of being so cruel.

Not only is he cruel, he is a coward. Hold on to that. At a time things are calm - he's with a lovely woman who is so fond of his daughter and treats him well, he can behave this poorly.

Imagine how crap and cowardly he would be when the going gets tough.

I know that's all useless right now, I have had a few heartbreaks that felt like I had been punched in the gut for weeks or months and the upset felt insurmountable.

But it does get better, time is a healer as wanky as that sounds.

Thinking of you

Hey OP. Has the other fella been in touch since lockdown? Hope you're doing well💖💖

@RunningInRain

Finally caught up on your thread! You are an inspiration. I just knew he would try and weasel back in.

Take care lady

I was sent a link to your previous thread by another poster and read every post. I'm so amazed and proud of what you have done. I am glad you are in a better place now and take inspiration from your story.

Hey OP. Any news since the last post? Hope you're still doing well x

This thread was and is an inspiration and a masterclass on the awesome power of the blank!

Hadn't seen this second thread, although I followed all of OP's first. Hope you're doing ok, OP.

Legend 🌺

I dealt with something similar years ago (dumped by text after a year) and guess what, I'm married to an amazing successful man and have a beautiful dc. The coward on the other hand, just blew his engagement, in his mid 40's single and has lost his business and still emotionally detached. I'm not happy because of his misfortune however, he had it coming. I also went no contact and I'm glad I did. You are brave and one step closer to being completely free and forgetting all of this. Well done though, you have inspired a lot people with your thread of not ever contacting him again.

Same here, except I got a 3 minute phone call! The gist of which was that he was bored and lonely in lockdown and was "seeing someone else now".

Do these men come out of some special class at school where they are actually taught to be as ruthless as possible in relationships? I wouldn't mind so much if they could apply it to becoming hot shot billionaire businessmen, but it seems a bit inappropriate in ending relationships!

I'd known him for 15 years and this time around (he had dumped me before) we had been in a relationship for 2 years. He strung me along for 2 months by text after he had started seeing someone else, saying he was "self isolating to stay safe". I worked it out because there was a lot of flirting on social media between them. It was a LDR but rather ironically, I had been interviewing for a job in his city during lockdown and I got it a couple of weeks after he dumped me. Dream job so no possibility of not taking it, but it was so sad being here on my own at first and of course, because of lockdown, I've barely met a soul since moving here and all my work is still online! I dont know if he even knows I've moved here, if he does, he probably thinks it's because of him!

It was how unneccessarily nasty he was after dumping me that made it worse. I went a month no contact and then texted him to arrange to get my stuff back. I had hoped that was long enough for him to start behaving decently. He replied saying he would bring it round, I told him when I would be in and then he deliberately came round when he knew I would be out and dumped it all on my doorstep. Then he sent me a text to say he had thought it better we didn't meet up. Exactly 2 weeks later, he blocked me on whatsapp, even though I hadn't even contacted him and barely ever use it, when I changed my profile picture.

I'm sure he felt he was being kind by not giving me false hope or something and he felt guilty, but actually I now think he's a psychopath because he barely treated me like a fellow human being. So many people tried to warn me about him, and other men seem to hate him (he has no friends) - I've never seen so many men seem to take an instant dislike to another man. They obviously noticed something about him that I didn't. But stupidly, I thought he was mysterious!

Wow. I've now finished reading both threads (when I should have been working ;)!.
What started as an incredibly sad shocking story has ended with my feeling deep admiration and awe for your resilience and determination. Masterclass in action.
Who among us hasn't had the hair makeover following a breakup!!!!
I tell you what though, I have never taken to running unless we're talking running to the pantry and fridge.
I'm hanging on in here, longing to hear about more pathetic texts from him. Sorry. Or your story of running into him in the street (probably outside your house) and having to confront the wanker. I guess you have planned for that time and have some dignified and dismissive words ready for him.
And I agree with you Running, the mumsnet community has been outstanding in their support, advice and humour. Sisterhood at its finest.
All the best from this (non-mum) mumsnetter in NZ.

This thread is so inspirational. Hope you are ok OP.

OP, ypur thread came up on 'active' I guess because of SueBlueNZ msg above. So I read your posts & well done you!
I too would love to know if that pathetic ex tried to get in touch? I got ghosted over 10 years ago, after many years together albeit after a few months of relationship complications (not very serious complications in my mind), but it was a massive shock & so so hurtful, painful. I loved him, was mad about him & I remember being physically ill from the crying...even months after. I didn't even know ghosting was a thing then. And then one evening I left my house for a walk & he was parked on my street sitting in his car...it was maybe 3 years later. I walked past. Next maybe 12 months after we ran into each other in my town (he doesn't live there)...he was on his phone & did the 'wait a min' gesture as I saw him. I didn't stop. Next another few months/year later was a phone call...he realised I was working on something connected to his business (I hadn't known.. altho it was a possibility because of the industry but other than ask his name specifically couldn't have known). I ttook call without recognising no as his (had deleted contact)...I half recognised it as familiar.. he wanted to meet, he was friendly, jokey..I was ultra polite, very business like, caught totally caught off guard, didn't say no but didn't say yes..he said he'd text me time & place & I could think about it. He did, I didn't reply. Maybe 6 months or so after that he then was at a professional gathering (networking/product launch) & came over when I was in company for network banter. It would have been awkward unprofessional for me to run off...(I didn't want to be some hysterical/emotional female in male dominated industry).. but after a couple of mins I could excuse myself & leave. So nothing then for a while. He must have then somehow heard or read (if he was googling) of death of very close family less than week earlier & left me a message...& then through that night there were a few missed calls.. And never ever once in any of his attempted contacts did he acknowledge what he did all those years earlier & he never has ever said sorry. He's blocked now after that msg & missed calls... but I wonder sometimes if he'll pop up again somewhere. I changed industry since so very unlikely our paths will cross in that way. My heart nearly stopped whenever I have seen him, just the memory of the hurt & then I think what an utter dick he is & look for the exit route. But I do have a sweet moment when I think his conscience must be at him! I am so much better off & happier without him. I hope your life has also improved OP & you are in a wonderful happy place now! 🌷

OP you are amazing and so strong! I could have written your posts myself as many years ago my first love did this to me after 2 years together (and a few days before my 21st birthday).

I was devastated and honestly felt the physical pain of my heartbreaking. I lost lots of weight and honestly felt like my world had ended. However the one thing I did was not ever message him. It was the hardest thing to do, but the longer I did it for it almost became my only way of taking control of the situation.

He did message me and said he had made an awful mistake but I felt so shocked by what he did originally that I knew I couldn’t ever move past it.

I then decided to live my life and move on. I met my husband and we have children. I still think of my ex but weirdly I now feel really good about things as I have an overriding feeling of pride in how I dealt with it! I know it would have been the opposite of what he expected and that feels great.

You will move on and look back and be proud of yourself too. You got this!

This thread #2 and (#1) should be pinned to the top! Bravo!

I've never been in so much awe for someone keeping silent. Bloody well done. And sorry he's such a shit.