Dumped by text ( part 2)

[RunningInRain]

Hi, it’s been suggested I start a new thread as last one nearly full.
My previous name was user1471427667 and in the early hours of one morning nearly 6 weeks ago, my seemingly wonderful boyfriend of two years sent me this text message:
“Hey I’ve been thinking about us and it’s just not working out so best to end it. No need to reply. All the best.”
I was completely blindsided at being dumped when there seemed to be no reason, but mostly at the cold, dismissive way he did it. The words “no need to reply” were particularly cruel. I started a thread on here and was overwhelmed by the support. It’s no exaggeration to say, I was on the floor crying a lot of the first few days (and a few since) .
Even though I was, at first, desperate to talk to him, I didn’t. I knew there could be no ‘good’ outcome of me contacting him. It’s now been 6 weeks and he has sent a few messages - nothing substantial and no apology.
I’m slowly feeling stronger, helped by my friends, this thread, my new found love of running, especially in storms (hence my new name) and by choosing everyday not to reply to him.
I’m not over him yet, so hopefully this thread will continue to help me keep on the right path and help others going through something similar.
Can hear the rain lashing against my windows so I’m off for a run!

I really need to start running again. If you can do it so can I!

How is your week going OP?

@RunningInRain how are you doing this week?

@RunningInRain It hasn't rained here for a week or so. Are you ok???

Hi OP, am on phone so didn't catch up with all of thread, but at one point you say you were 'choosing not to reply to him.' Have you blocked him yet? I recommend it, it'd make it easier to not reply and move on. Xxx

Hello OP, how are you doing?

Hi OP. How are you?

Hope you are ok?
Wondering if he has wormed his way back in

What do the more recent texts say OP? Is he reaching out to you?

Hi,
Just re reading this thread again - so strange how so much has changed with the world on such a short time. I’m actually jealous of myself, reading how I’d go for a morning run and then pop and see friends and contemplate if should have another run. How I took those freedoms for granted!
As for my ex ( yes, can finally call him that without feeling sick), well he has continued to text on and off . All very predictable, photos, ‘in’ jokes we had, declarations of love swiftly followed by abuse because I didn’t reply. I’ve been fairly numb, just watching it all unfold, watching him reveal himself to me and it’s made me realise I didn’t really know the real him at all.
After the last petulant “I can’t believe you won’t talk to me” text, lockdown hit. Just after that , he contacted a mutual friend to ask if I was ok. The friend replied with a ‘yes’. It was a very weird time in the world and I was fine with him knowing that. I thought that would be it.
Today, I got a letter in the post, 3 pages, an apology, remorse and lots of declarations of love. Apparently he got scared he loved me so much(!) and didn’t want to be tied down, wanted to play the field some more ( I’m paraphrasing that bit). When having his ‘freedom’ didn’t turn out like he thought, he suddenly had this revelation that it was me he really wanted. Hmmmm.
I just feel tired of all this.I wanted so long to hear his apology and know it just seems so late and so hollow.
And I can’t even go for a bloody run to help because I did my daily run this morning!!!
Hope you are all ok in this crazy time and thank you again for helping me see the wood from the trees in the early stages of this when I was truly broken . Xxx

Apparently he got scared he loved me so much(!) and didn’t want to be tied down, wanted to play the field some more ( I’m paraphrasing that bit). When having his ‘freedom’ didn’t turn out like he thought, he suddenly had this revelation that it was me he really wanted. Hmmmm.

So he wanted his freedom, wanted to be single (probably had his eye on a somebody or somebodies), wanted to play the field for a while ..... But simultaneously loved you too much. Riiight.

Yeah people who.love people "too" much don't generally want to date and shag other people. Generally they just appreciate they're with someone they're crazy about and forge a life with them while hoping the other person doesn't lose interest/leave them etc.

It doesn't really hang together.

But it's a very good line - I dumped you because I loved you too much, because I was scared of my feelings.

It sounds bull shitty and manipulative and I have a feeling people who do stuff like this and says things like that - repeat similar behaviour sooner or later.

It's kind of like "ok, I've fucked up - I dumped her, grass wasn't greener like I thought, I e gotten whatever out of my system, I want her back .. what can I say to spin this so as to make her think it's not a total rejection, insult etc. Ah I know! .. I loved her too much, I was scared. I dumped her cause I felt too much, not too little, genius!".

I have serious doubts, sounds like you have too.

In any case, whatever his reason for ending the relationship; he chose to do it in an outrageously callous, cowardly and disrespectful way.

He's just expected you to cry, beg, hang around waiting on him .. it hasn't worked out his he expected a d he wants what he can't have. Not sure he'd have been so keen if you find the above. He'd probably just be keeping you as an option.

*if you had done the above.

In summary - what a fkg wanker.

Hi op, I remember your original post. He's following the typical narcissist timeline. Contacting your friends pretending to be concerned (I wouldn't be surprised if he starts telling them how sorry he is and trying to get them to fight his corner for him too btw) and writing you rambling letters when you dont respond to other communication. Because he cant tak no for an answer.

I hope you can see now how creepy he is and now make sure he is blocked on everything. If he contacted me again op I'd be going to the police to report it as harassment. Because that is what it has become.

You wont get any more 'closure' from him. He is nuts. You may need to start thinking about protecting yourself.

Hi GM, I agree. I loved him, I’m not sure if I loved him “too much”, not sure if you can do that, unless it crosses over into some sort of neediness? Anyway, I loved him and that was the very reason I DIDN’T want to be with anyone else.
I would have had respect for him if he’d said sorry because he’d acted like a shit for sending that text and that he should have spoken to me and the truth was, he just didn’t want to be with me. Fine, ok, I’m a big girl, I get it.
This has just compounded the disrespect of the text to end it, the “no need to reply “ sentence, the manipulative tactics since in order to provoke a reaction and now, when an apology finally comes, it’s all about him.
I’m done.
He is welcome to all the freedom in the world

Ps: stick some music on and dance about your house instead! X

Maybe you should... (and I'm going to be shot for saying this). Just text him.

Hi ..... , received your letter. Apology accepted. Let's put the past behind us and move on. No need to reply. All the best, .....

And then block him. He's already taken up too much of your energy💕. Especially now that we're al stuck indoors🙈. So glad to hear from you OP.

Incidentally his behaviour, from Mr. "You're Dumped, No Need To Reply" is now verging on harassment.

You've not responded to a considerable amount of attempted contact, in various forms and he's still persisting - against your obvious wishes.
You would be justified reporting him, though that might get him a reaction and drama that he wants.

Sorry cross posted with wanderlust

Actually, could you maybe call 101 (or whatever the police number is) and report it. Tell them he is coming to your house now and you just want to make a note of it incase things escalate. Because I wouldn't be surprised if, when he gets no response, he turns up knocking at your door. Hopefully not. But you never know with these weirdos. Couldn't harm to speak to someone just incase. Even if you dont feel he is a risk atm, you didn't think he was nuts 6 months ago...

Time to block now, surely.

Hi wanderlust, I never wanted or expected any closure from him. I don’t believe you get closure from others. It comes from within, when you draw a line under what has happened and realise you deserve more.
I don’t think he will contact friend again. He said he presumed I’d changed my phone no as I don’t reply but could (my friend) just let him know I was ok as he was worried about me with lockdown etc. My friend just replied with one word. “Yes” .

A good friend that! Maybe buy them a drink next time it's possible!

Yeah, exactly with regards to closure. I'm glad you see it that way so he cant manipulate you further :)

LJenn, you won’t get shot for saying that! There is something to be said for that sort of message. My worry is, that it may feed his need for attention even more. From what he said to friend, she felt he was fishing for my ‘new no’( I haven’t changed it, but she didn’t say that obviously).
Ironically, when the lockdown started, If he’d messaged me asking if I was ok, it may have been the one time I might have replied, just to say I’m ok, take care etc.
I’m not scared of him in any way, I just want him out of my life now.

I would probably text and say - apology accepted , but I am afraid you totally blew it, and I no longer feel the same. I will be blocking you but wish you well