Dumped by text ( part 2)

[RunningInRain]

Hi, it’s been suggested I start a new thread as last one nearly full.
My previous name was user1471427667 and in the early hours of one morning nearly 6 weeks ago, my seemingly wonderful boyfriend of two years sent me this text message:
“Hey I’ve been thinking about us and it’s just not working out so best to end it. No need to reply. All the best.”
I was completely blindsided at being dumped when there seemed to be no reason, but mostly at the cold, dismissive way he did it. The words “no need to reply” were particularly cruel. I started a thread on here and was overwhelmed by the support. It’s no exaggeration to say, I was on the floor crying a lot of the first few days (and a few since) .
Even though I was, at first, desperate to talk to him, I didn’t. I knew there could be no ‘good’ outcome of me contacting him. It’s now been 6 weeks and he has sent a few messages - nothing substantial and no apology.
I’m slowly feeling stronger, helped by my friends, this thread, my new found love of running, especially in storms (hence my new name) and by choosing everyday not to reply to him.
I’m not over him yet, so hopefully this thread will continue to help me keep on the right path and help others going through something similar.
Can hear the rain lashing against my windows so I’m off for a run!

Yes, wanderlust, my kitchen ‘disco’ has saved me many a time 😃
To be clear also, he hasn’t come to my flat. Letter was posted.He has had 3 months to turn up at my door and hasn’t and I can’t see him doing it now tbh. He also knows my flat has video entry system, so he wouldn’t get very far.
There are other reasons for me to believe that he just wouldn’t turn up on my doorstep or harass me like that

Ah that's a relief then! Yeh I think he would want to save face so probably wouldn't want to be rejected in person. But you just never know what's in these sorts heads. Hopefully that was his last ditch attempt at getting your attention :)

Thanks @tarasmalatarocks, if I do text, it would be along those lines, although wouldn’t say the bit about he blew it- more along the lines of ‘ let’s both move on now’.
His letter did end saying that he realised I probably wouldn’t want to hear from him again and he understood that, he just wanted me to know how he feels. But if I did ever feel like talking, he would love to hear from me.
So, I could just leave it there . If I reply, I don’t want him to see that as a ‘way in’.

@Wanderlust21, yes, I do think it’s all about saving face for him. So, I’m happy for him to think I’ve read his “apology” and accepted it if that somehow makes him feel better.

Don't reply, don't text, ever - in any way.

After all that you have been through - I honestly think that if you did, he would be guaranteed to reply in a way which would have you kicking yourself for doing so.

I do hate the 'I was scared' line - it's really up there with the absolute worst of the bullshit lines. No, a normal person doesn't get 'scared' that they might 'love too much'. It's a drama llama line designed to paint them as vulnerable, turn the whole thing around so that somehow THEY'RE the victim of a terrible Thing which was beyond their control. It doesn't even make sense. 'I was scared of how much I loved you so I did something so abhorrent that it wouldn't have been possible to do if I'd even loved you a 'normal' amount - thus proving that no, I didn't actually love you'.

He wasn't 'scared' - he just showed himself to be a boringly predictable cheaty shit who got a better offer, and once he didn't value you any more as a girlfriend once that better offer came in, showed in spades just how fucking nasty he was capable of being to someone he had no further use for. 'No need to reply'.

Never ever reply. That whole three pages, all lies. That one text he sent showed 100% that he has no idea what love means and sadly probably never will.

@RunningInRain I know you're right 👌🏻👌🏻. Oh he was totally fishing and it's actually hilarious if he did think you'd changed your number, and then realised.. oh wait no she hasn't and just isn't replying 😂😂😂. What a dickhead!!

It must kill these type of guys ego's to THINK they call the shots and walk away when it suits THEM. Then they're left wondering.. but why isn't she crying over me, why hasn't she called, why hasn't she asked for an explanation. Hilarious!

We're SO proud of the way you've handled this whole situation. You've been so classy the whole way though. You could go for a short run (I'm sure you're allowed). Just to clear your head💕. We're all behind you.

Hi OP

Been following your threads. You are fabulous.

Don't reply. Ever. Let that hang over him for the rest of his selfish life.

Shame he thinks you changed your number. As if the only reason you could possibly not be replying is that you haven't had his messages!

He knows your okay. That is as much comfort and reassurance as he ever deserves.

Glad I found this thread. I wish I had your self esteem @RunningInRain. You sound awesome. I'm a bit awesome. At least my very recent ex told me many times how special I was before withdrawing to the point I had to ask him about it and he emailed me his break up reasons.

I'm going to read your earlier threads now while having a cry. I feel shit today.

@RunningInRain you’re amazing! Don’t respond to his letter.

@RunningInRain, how old is he?

Playing the field isn't so much fun in lockdown! He must be very emotionally shallow.

Hey Fizzy,
I know, t keep going back to that text from the beginning.. He had every opportunity to speak to me face to face after 2 years together and yet he chose to send that short text in the early hours of the morning dismissing me out of his life.. It really does say it all

Thanks for the update @RunningInRain .

It is unbelievable that anyone can be so callous and cowardly. You are definitely way too good for him and he knows it.

Hi OP, I followed your thread avidly so thanks for the update. Not a surprise I don’t think. I would stick to not contacting him, though I think at this point it would be understandable if you did send a text to try and shut things down once and for all.
HOWEVER, I think if you do text, don’t put ‘no need to reply’... though it is tempting, if you echo his words it will give him a clue as to what a massive effect these 4 little words had on you. So if you DO text, I would just say something along the lines of ‘I think it’s time you moved on from this, please stop contacting me’. So it’s clear but not echoing what he said

@LostandLockeddown, oh sweetheart, I’m sorry that happened and that you are feeling sad today. Please don’t let any mans or indeed, anybody’s, opinion of you, define you. You are special because of all the brilliant things about you. You know what they are, keep hold of that knowledge. Of course it’s great if other people, especially partners, recognise that, but if they don’t, YOU still know it’s true. That’s not in a big headed way, just in a knowing yourself way - the good and not so good bits.
Your ex started acting differently, so you asked him about it. Perfectly mature thing to do. He chose to email you rather than speak face to face. If his reasons were valid and said in a respectful way, then, of course it still hurts like hell, but at least you know, can grieve and eventually move past it.
It’s no reflection on you that he wants to move on. That is what dating is about - finding the right fit.
Have a cry, let it out and then be kind to yourself. Do something you enjoy - read a good book, have a bubble bath, all those cliche things that have become cliches because they work.
Xx

He is so arrogant thinking you have a new number.

I agree op. A straightforward 2 line apology for sending such a shitty text would have had some small value. 3 pages of self serving narcissim 🤷‍♀️

And thank you again to everyone. However ‘awesome’ and ‘strong’ you think I am, I have had many a wobble and doubt along the way. I have a little voice inside my head telling me I’m being too hard hearted and I have to remind myself that I’m not. I loved him and trusted him, allowed myself to be vulnerable with him and really let him into my life. He chose to end it the way he did, after spending a weekend telling me he loved me, planning future events together and making love , by sending a short text.
I have had no choice but to pick myself up and get on with it. With the help of lovely friends, this thread, running( in and out of rain!) a lot of crying and just,.....time, I’m starting to see my way through.
Keep safe and strong everyone xxx

I followed the previous thread. I am so glad you are still holding strong (you may not think you are, but it takes an incredible amount of inner strength not to respond to messages).

Your ex has continued to reveal himself to be a tosser of the first water. I stick to my original theory that he thought he was well in with someone else when he sent that text, but that relationship fell apart and he thought he'd go back to his comfortable life.

Good on you, gal!

Oh gosh op, so pleased to see your updates, and that you're starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Your threads read like a case study in how to behave with dignity. I wish that I knew you in 'real life' as you seem bloody awesome.

Sorry to resurrect this thread if you just want to move on now OP. I was just wondering how you are now at this stage? I've taken a lot of inspiration from you as I'm sure many other people have too x

@RunningInRain - I was sent a link to your original post from back in February last week, as I have just had a similar experience. Last week the love of my life, the person I thought I could trust the most in the world left with his daughter and sent me a text to say the key was under the mat and that he couldn't do it.
Same as you, I can't see any warning signs, he was very committed to doing so much around my house, he was making the suggestions of putting pictures up of the 3 of us, was planning holidays and events next year with my family, he had amazing sex with me the night before and actual was saying 'thank you' which seemed a bit strange but didn't think anything of it. We were about to go out for the day and he was talking about the week ahead and then all of a sudden out of nowhere he got a bit stressed, I went for a walk for him to clear his head and he was gone. Then just text saying it wasn't me it was his problem but that was it - knowing that I had a huge relationship with his daughter and that I had been hurt before and literally we hadn't had any arguments or anything. Just so so odd - he had been describing our time together as a bubble (as we only moved together for lockdown and it wasn't even permanent so not like he was committed to staying all the time) he said he didn't want to go back to work as he was liking the bubble we were in. And then he left.
I didn't reply to his message, as I had already asked him to come back and talk to me and not sabotage things but he made it very final. And I needed to keep some form of dignity - I did think that I would have heard something by now but it's been over a week and nothing. So this caring person, clearly doesn't care but that doesn't take the horrendous pain away. You reminded me of me, as I have been walking none stop since it happened as I can't settle and can't concentrate on anything. I am so shocked that one minute I can't breathe with it and the next I am just sobbing.
I don't sleep and when I do get an hour, I wake up panicking having to remind myself of what has happened as I dream about them as it all is okay. I then spend all night upset and time seems to go so slowly.
My house feels like they have both died as everything is as they left it and I can't begin to clear it all away, as it will make it more real.
I am so beyond shocked and want to get in touch with him but feel like you have, that no explanation would actually help me, unless it was a big apology to put it right and that is seeming less and less likely. He will have seen that I haven't been online for nearly a week as I know he looks at things like that but, it hasn't made him phone me or contact me in any other way. I guess you never really know someone - I just wish there was something to take away the constant churning and to occupy my brain so that I can stop feeling so sad. We also had the future planned and were trying for a baby, so it's all very odd. I thought someone with a daughter and who I had had so many in depth conversations with and who seemed so emotionally mature, would never be capable of something like this but, he has.

Anyway, I haven't replied and I won't and I want to say thank you as you have sort of kept me going through the days and I wish I had more to keep reading as it has helped me through some dark hours.

Thank you

Dumped by text after 2 years... Wow. You dodged a bullet being dumped now

@Newtothis5643 Sending you a huge hug💖 that's horrendous. Not saying women are always 100% perfect because it's certainly not the case, but it actually shocks me how many men out there can just walk away from someone so easily. And this man has a daughter you say? Uuugh what a great example of a man he turned out to be for her 😑😑. You've had a lucky escape from this awful person so it seems. I know it doesn't help. Keep going, don't contact him, keep walking and keep doing things that make you happy 💖💖💖. Just like the lovely OP, we're behind you 💪🏻💪🏻 you can do this!

@LJenn - thank you for your message - I really want to be able to feel angry and like it's a lucky escape but all I can feel is heartache. We knew each other a long time ago (as friends) and I really thought I could trust him more than anything.
As for his daughter, yes we had a wonderful relationship and he knows I had said that I didn't want to ever feel that something would sabotage that. It makes no sense that he would split us up for what seems nothing. I assume there must be someone else as this is just too extreme to understand - but then I don't know when he would have met someone on lockdown and someone has sent me screenshots of him on a dating app and I have no idea why he would want to do that when he said when he has been on them previously they have not been successful. I can't believe he didn't think what we had was special - unless he is an utter psychopath and I really don't think he is....I am so heartbroken I can't cope. But thank you for your words!