Advice needed. DH being blackmailed over affair he says he didn't have

[Plastictattoo]

I need advice as very confused here.
Approx a year ago I had a feeling that somwthing wasn't right with DH's behaviour so asked to check his phone. Initially he snatched it off me and refused. I used the MN classic line 'That tells me everything I need to know' and he so he let me look. He said 'I don't know what you are going to see. There are some flirty messages with Cath'. (Cath, not real name is an ex colleague, not real name). Stupidly I just checked Messenger and not Whatsapp as I'm not tech savvy. There was nothing there but he admitted he had a crush on her and had arranged to meet her at a party for a colleague that weekend. He was going to stay at the hotel with a group including her.
We talked things through. Nothing had happened except messages etc. He didn't go to the party and agreed to remove her phone number and unfriend on FB.
Fast forward to last night when he told ne that Cath's DH, Andy, was trying to blackmail him for £5000.
Cath had rung him to say that her and Andy had seperated after he had gone mad after seeing a group photo of her with a man's arm around whilst on a night out last weekend. Cath had quit her job, moved her kids away and now Andy was demanding money from her. Andy doesn't work and has/ had drug issues. Cath forwarded messages to my DH which I gave seen. He names my DH and tells Cath that unless he receives £5000, he will 'tell his wife' and 'split his family up' (refering to me).
I asked my husband why, what evidence does he have etc. DH insists that there were messages but he doesn't remember what they say, that the messages were just arranging to meet for work dos, about wirk, general chat etc. All messages have been deleted (of course).
My DH's initial reaction before telling me was to go into my FB while I was asleep and block Andy so he couldn't contact me. Now I have never met Andy and wasn't FB friends with Cath as only met her twice.
I don't know whether to contact Andy to see what he knows but don't want to feed the drama.
Desperately need advice about next steps. Am going to work now but will be back at lunch.
TIA

Why does everyone think that ‘Andy’ is trying to blackmail OPs DH?
It states quite clearly that ‘Andy’ wants £5k from ‘Cathy’ - his DW or he’ll spill the beans by telling OP.

It might not be blackmail at all in the criminal sense - there are any number of reasons why he might want £5k from his wife - the most obvious being that she has emptied out the joint savings account when she left and he wants some back!!

OP - your DH has pretty obviously been unfaithful-and bad ‘Andy’ is just to distract you from discovering the truth or not believing it if Andy carries out his threat to his wife to tell you!

I’m really sorry OP - but when infidelities are discovered they rarely come without drama. But tales of ‘crazy’ people about to tell you something are absolutely the desperation of DH and OW to deceive you.

Where's the whole blackmail thing come from? Andy is not blackmailing your DH.

According to the messages he wants money from Cath...

Cath had quit her job, moved her kids away and now Andy was demanding money from her

The most likely and obvious scenario is...

Andy (who is NOT a druggie) has found out his wife has been shagging your husband.

He's understandably annoyed hence the "I'm coming for ya" message to your H.

Your H has shit himself and blocked Andy on your Facebook and spun this yarn as damage limitation.

And now he is hoping it'll all blow over without you finding out exactly what's been going on.

Perhaps Cathy and Andy want 5K; they could go on a nice holiday with it. Together.

Do you know if Cathy has form? She may make a habit of getting stupid men to send her 'incriminating' texts, and then she and her dh do the blackmail. You could make a living from that.

Unblock Andy.

@WickedlyPetite - I fully agree!

And I’ve no idea why posters are saying not to speak to Andy because he’s a blackmailer? He’s told his wife he wants £5k or he’ll tell the OP what he knows. We don’t know any more than that - my guess as I say is she’s taken it from the joint account? But even if it is extortion from his wife - he must know something mustn’t he?

Well without a doubt I'd be contacting Andy, as much as I trust my fiance I would still check this out, no way would I blindly trust his word over something like this ok these circumstances, especially when you could find out for sure here

I really can't see what calling the police would achieve.

OP knows Cath exists, having met her briefly, and that some flirting took place a year ago. The rest of the tale is hearsay and conjecture. If there is a victim in this alleged crime it's - who? DH? Cath? Neither of whom have reported it. OP is a third party, there is no evidence, her sole source of concern is a story that may or may not be BS from her husband who is a known (would-be) cheat. If you were a police call centre operative, what would you make of it all? What would you even be able to do? My experience with the police in our area is they don't even have enough resources to investigate crimes that definitely took place...

The fact he blocked Andy on your FB says it all..

Could you unblock Andy but not contact him? Change your fb password and don’t tell your H. Wait for a message, and in the meantime do some sm sleuthing. Is Andy on other platforms? How long have his accounts been active? Do they look genuine or just a couple of generic photos? Any evidence he was/still is in a relationship with Cath?

On an aside, if your H blocked and deleted Cath a year ago, how come she managed to get straight back in contact so easily? How has she managed to relocate and change jobs so quickly if Andy only kicked off last weekend? Whose are was around her in that picture, when was the photo taken (last weekend? Or Andy just saw it last weekend?)

Far too many question marks here OP, I’d find out what you can and not take the word of any of them, including H, for granted

I kinda think cath is behind it too. But I'd also be unlocking andy to see what 'proof' hes got

Thanks again for replies. I have unblocked Andy on FB but not messaged him. He can get in touch with me if he has info but who knows.
DH wanted to call the police last night but I tols him they would laugh in his face. They don't investigate burgularies so why would they be interested in this?
There is so much that doesn't make sense. No wonder I am confused! So much doesn't add up, that it stinks to high heaven.
DH obviously has something to hide and I asked him numerous times to tell me everything last night. He insists he has. I agree with many of you that he is minimising.
The requests for the £5k are screenshots which Cath has taken from her phone of text conversations between her and Andy. Supposedly. Andy hasn't requested money from my DH directly, just the message that he was 'coming for' him. After listening to you lot, I wonder if Cath is trying to get money from us either working with or without Andy.
So many fucking questions.
This time yesterday I was living a normal life and now I feel like I'm in a shite episode of Eastenders! I feel numb. Its surreal.

Usually if things don't make sense is because the other person is lying, covering up etc

Honeatly I think he has had an affair.

I think you need to kinda block cath/Andy from your narrative here. Your husband cheated on you, do you want him to stay or go? That's really the crux of it

He's had an affair, for sure. Things don't make sense because he's trying to give you half the story. I'd message Andy and say "Cathy says she's not giving you the £5k so can you just send the affair details now please? Thanks". Then you get your evidence of the affair, and the evidence of the blackmail plot which you can give to the police. Job done, you get rid of all of the grotters.

I would let your dp call the police.

The problem is your dp know full well that you want all this to go away quickly and quietly.

It's like when a bloke is having an affair but says it's his mate and he says do you want me to call the number. But your to confused and embarrassed if it is a mate.

You need to take action for your dc. Because you really don't know how dangerous this situation really is

I think I will give him one last chance to tell me the WHOLE truth tonight.
Noone is getting the £5k. Although Cath will know that DH had a huge compensation payout from work.
Its the marriage part I need to focus as the blackmail is irrelevant now

I would tell your h that he has one more chance to tell you the truth about the affair or the marriage is over and it will cost him far more than 5k.

I think your dh is also spinning a tale I’m afraid!!!! I don’t lie, but if I did, I would NEVER admit it and I would lie and lie and lie and dig my hole (hence the no lying as a rule!!!)

OP when you contact the Police I suspect you fill find it is all much worse than you know.

After spending £45k my relative eventually came clean to his wife he was being blackmailed and it turned out he even rented the OW a flat.

Noone is getting the £5k. Although Cath will know that DH had a huge compensation payout from work

Even more suspicious then...

Agreed.... She wants a CHUNK of his compensation payout... She's bloody AT IT ?!

Putting aside the non blackmail issue

Your DH slept with Cathy

You are being taken for a spanner.

Sounds like your husband could be building up to getting 5k out of family money for whatever reason. What way are the family savings secured - can he move money without your authorisation or is it in a joint account? His story is not making sense because you don’t have all the facts. So sorry OP but he sounds a lot more involved in this then he is letting on.

I also think he’s lying, sorry

At present Cath is the only person being blackmailed.