Advice needed. DH being blackmailed over affair he says he didn't have

[Plastictattoo]

I need advice as very confused here.
Approx a year ago I had a feeling that somwthing wasn't right with DH's behaviour so asked to check his phone. Initially he snatched it off me and refused. I used the MN classic line 'That tells me everything I need to know' and he so he let me look. He said 'I don't know what you are going to see. There are some flirty messages with Cath'. (Cath, not real name is an ex colleague, not real name). Stupidly I just checked Messenger and not Whatsapp as I'm not tech savvy. There was nothing there but he admitted he had a crush on her and had arranged to meet her at a party for a colleague that weekend. He was going to stay at the hotel with a group including her.
We talked things through. Nothing had happened except messages etc. He didn't go to the party and agreed to remove her phone number and unfriend on FB.
Fast forward to last night when he told ne that Cath's DH, Andy, was trying to blackmail him for £5000.
Cath had rung him to say that her and Andy had seperated after he had gone mad after seeing a group photo of her with a man's arm around whilst on a night out last weekend. Cath had quit her job, moved her kids away and now Andy was demanding money from her. Andy doesn't work and has/ had drug issues. Cath forwarded messages to my DH which I gave seen. He names my DH and tells Cath that unless he receives £5000, he will 'tell his wife' and 'split his family up' (refering to me).
I asked my husband why, what evidence does he have etc. DH insists that there were messages but he doesn't remember what they say, that the messages were just arranging to meet for work dos, about wirk, general chat etc. All messages have been deleted (of course).
My DH's initial reaction before telling me was to go into my FB while I was asleep and block Andy so he couldn't contact me. Now I have never met Andy and wasn't FB friends with Cath as only met her twice.
I don't know whether to contact Andy to see what he knows but don't want to feed the drama.
Desperately need advice about next steps. Am going to work now but will be back at lunch.
TIA

Why are you trying to sort this out for your cheating DH? Sounds like the affair may have continued as this all seems a little strange after 8 yrs the OW husband is trying extort money

Your H is lying and minimising

As above.

If there was truly nothing, your DH would have said - "My wife knows all there is to know. Do your worst"

And he would have contacted the police.

Whatever you choose to do regarding the "affair", you should still contact the police. The blackmail is actually a separate (criminal) issue from your relationship.

TBH - I think your husband sounds a sleaze, and I suspect that there is a lot more to come out regarding his behaviour. You may not want to know about it - that's your choice - but the blackmail should be addressed.

Always call the bluff of a blackmailer. Your OH must tell you ALL of the truth and then there is nothing to blackmail. Simple

Sorry, it my feeling is that your dh is lying through his teeth. I’d wan tot know what “Andy” has to say..

I don't believe he is being blackmailed for a single second. How interesting that the messages you've seen came via 'Cath'. I think he's invented the whole story to cover up an affair. I really wouldn't go to the police about this, look a bit closer to home.

I’m surprised how many people are saying call the police-

And say what?
It’s all chinese whispers so far and there isn’t a single truthful element of any of this yet.

All this go to the police business assumes that the blackmail story is true.

Personally I think it's a crock of shite made up by the OP's husband to stop 'Andy' telling her about the affair.

The fact that the OP's husband went into her Facebook account to block Andy says it all. Andy clearly has lots more to tell about than a couple of flirty messages.

His first instinct is to block Andy from contacting you. If there was nothing to tell then why would he do this? He's shady af

Go to the police. Blackmail only works if people don't know. So... it needs to be out in the open and that's it.

And your DH needs to wake up a bit.

but if he only had one photo like your dh says surely he wouldnt be thick enough to think youd beleive him off this.so id want to know this proof he has thats damming enough.

Re-reading it I think possibly either Andy and Cath are in it together (ie your dh and Cath had an affair, Cath and Andy have evidence and are going to use it for financial gain - although this seems a little far fetched) far more likely is that Cath has told your dh that Andy is on the warpath and your dh is desperately trying to make you think Andy is a nutter as he’s shitting himself and trying to discredit his character before he gets to you.

Honestly, I would leave DH for bringing a blackmailing drug addict into my marriage. And for cheating, which he obviously has done. Let the three of them wallow in their own bad choices.

An ex of mine I discovered had some inappropriate messages in his phone. He claimed they were good friends and nothing more. However he did similar with the blocking and told her not to speak to me (later finding out he had spun tales to her).
He was cheating.

Your husband has gone much further with this woman than he's told you.

I would contact this man and find out what he has to say.

And I would divorce my 'd'h. Anyone who brings this kind of drama, bullshit and suspicion into my life I would get rid of. It's not worth it.

I wouldn’t actually go to the police, but I’d be intrigued to see what H said about the notion. I suspect he won’t be fir it

Tell your DH that you've reported it to the police with all details, and they are coming round to take statements.
Gauge his reaction.
I suspect he will backtrack rapidly.

Good idea sugarbum

I wouldn't believe Cath, her boyfriend or your husband and I'd find a way of getting away from all of them.

Who is the man who had his arm around Cath last weekend? Does Andy think this man is your DH and has decided to try and blackmail. It doesn't make sense that it's all happening now.

I think ‘Cath’ is blackmailing your husband. Maybe because she is angry that he didn’t leave his wife for her. I would tell her that I would be reporting it to the police. Then you’ll need to decide whether you can continue with your marriage. That will probably require more honesty from your husband.

Let your DH worry about police or no police.

I guess the problem you have is that the man is probably more keen on the money than on solidarity with you. For £5000 I'm guessing he has something quite damning. And the fact that there was a question mark over the two of them before...

I'd go to the police. I wouldn't contact 'Andy' because he may decide to ask you for money for his information/photographs/video footage.

I wonder if maybe his wife was involved too, and I also wonder whether she/they've done this before, all of which the police could discover on your behalf, and which might come in handy should you want a divorce. If you make the complaint, rather than your husband, then the police should deal with you, and not your husband, too.

sorry this is happening to you. hope you get a resolution, either way.

I'd ask Andy what evidence he has, obviously not pay for anything. Say you already know anyway so no surprise there. I think your DH has cheated and is now trying to cover his arse by minimising to you.

Unblock Andy on FB messenger and change your password to stop your cheating DH to access it

I'd unblock Andy and then leave it, see what happens. The fact that your DH blocked him is extremely telling - why do it if he's already told you the whole truth?

My DH's initial reaction before telling me was to go into my FB while I was asleep and block Andy so he couldn't contact me.

Why would he do this if he's aleady told you everything?