Advice needed. DH being blackmailed over affair he says he didn't have

[Plastictattoo]

I need advice as very confused here.
Approx a year ago I had a feeling that somwthing wasn't right with DH's behaviour so asked to check his phone. Initially he snatched it off me and refused. I used the MN classic line 'That tells me everything I need to know' and he so he let me look. He said 'I don't know what you are going to see. There are some flirty messages with Cath'. (Cath, not real name is an ex colleague, not real name). Stupidly I just checked Messenger and not Whatsapp as I'm not tech savvy. There was nothing there but he admitted he had a crush on her and had arranged to meet her at a party for a colleague that weekend. He was going to stay at the hotel with a group including her.
We talked things through. Nothing had happened except messages etc. He didn't go to the party and agreed to remove her phone number and unfriend on FB.
Fast forward to last night when he told ne that Cath's DH, Andy, was trying to blackmail him for £5000.
Cath had rung him to say that her and Andy had seperated after he had gone mad after seeing a group photo of her with a man's arm around whilst on a night out last weekend. Cath had quit her job, moved her kids away and now Andy was demanding money from her. Andy doesn't work and has/ had drug issues. Cath forwarded messages to my DH which I gave seen. He names my DH and tells Cath that unless he receives £5000, he will 'tell his wife' and 'split his family up' (refering to me).
I asked my husband why, what evidence does he have etc. DH insists that there were messages but he doesn't remember what they say, that the messages were just arranging to meet for work dos, about wirk, general chat etc. All messages have been deleted (of course).
My DH's initial reaction before telling me was to go into my FB while I was asleep and block Andy so he couldn't contact me. Now I have never met Andy and wasn't FB friends with Cath as only met her twice.
I don't know whether to contact Andy to see what he knows but don't want to feed the drama.
Desperately need advice about next steps. Am going to work now but will be back at lunch.
TIA

I would be getting DH to delete WhatsApp and then re add WhatsApp and if it has backed up messages u will be given the option to reinstate them ...they will all appear to be read ..all whilst u are sat beside him

Cath forwarded messages to my DH which I gave seen. He names my DH and tells Cath that unless he receives £5000, he will 'tell his wife' and 'split his family up' (refering to me).

Don't know what the truth is but no need for £5000 he's already achieved the second part 'split the family'.

OMG, I think I’d LTB on the grounds that he thought I was stupid enough to fall for such bollocks. He must think you’re a right mug OP, coming out with all that shit. seriously...

Two separate issues. Blackmail - contact police. Possible infidelity - talk to husband.

Don't contact the blackmailers. They have no hold over your husband now. But it's a serious crime that needs reporting.

I'd be staying well clear of Andy if I was you and leave your DH to deal with that. Andy has nowhere to go with it does he, as you now know whats going on. He sounds a nightmare.

Your DHs story has more holes in it than Swiss cheese however. More to find out there I think (but not from Andy)

I think Cath left her h, thinking your h would leave you in return.

Her marriage is over and your h is refusing to commit to his part of the bargain.

Cath knows your h will hate her if she lets the cat out of the bag to you directly so she tells your h this yarn about blackmail, telling your h to block this guy on fb because if you contacted him he wouldn’t have a clue what you’re talking about, and Cath would be left red faced.

Cath’s got what she wanted because you now know your h has been deceitful.

She’s waiting for you to throw him out.

If you were being blackmailed of something you hadn’t done, would your first reaction be to hack into your husband’s fb account and block that person from contacting your H?

Or would you tell your H and go to the police?

He had an affair and is frantically arse covering.

I'd want to know exactly what Andy knows or has seen but if he's using it to blackmail your Dh he isn't going to just tell you!

I think your DH is lying!
Defiantly get your DH to go to the police over the blackmail though

Hmmm.... I don’t trust Cath. Her story sounds like an excuse to get in touch with your DH again and do some kind of bonding over ‘awful drug addict Andy’.

Perhaps it’s actually Cath who’s trying to destroy your marriage? Perhaps her relationship with Andy has really ended for whatever reason and she’s now free and waiting for your DH to join her after you and him fall out over this?

I’d unblock Andy on Facebook but take what he says with a pinch of salt, and I’d consider contacting Cath to ask about the blackmail and to tell her you’ll be contacting the police. That way you can gauge whether the blackmail is real.

I think you need to sort this ‘blackmail’ issue out first, then decide what to do about DH later. As an aside, even if DH had had an affair and I wanted to end things with him, I sure as hell wouldn’t let Cath and/or Andy have the satisfaction of destroying my marriage, so I’d leave it a while before ending it finally.

You could sit DH down and say this is his last chance b to give b you there full truth, as you are going to contact the blackmailer.

I think it is just about possible to come back from an affair, but it’s not possible to come back from mingling doubt.

Hope it all works out for you op .

I think there's more to this and as others have said I'd contact Andy and ask to meet him to see what evidence he has. Then confront your husband with it.

i deffo think there’s more to this

i deffo think there’s more to this

I would definitely NOT be contacting Andy or meeting him for a coffee as some posters have suggested. He sounds like an absolute nightmare and I would stay well away from him.

You and DH need to sit down and talk. It’s up to you and him what he says and what you believe and how you move forwards from here, but don’t involve Andy (or Cath). Is marriage counselling an option?

Are you sure Andy has really said anything/tried to blackmail your DH at all or could it be an elaborate rouse by Cath to extort money by showing fake messages, or even a crazy attempt at a cover up by her and your (D)H?!

Even if your DH did have an affair, which I think is very likely, I would stay very well clear of Cath and her husband, and neither your nor your husband should have any further contact or communication with either of them. . If there are further blackmail threats, I would take it to the police.

Deal with your marriage issues separately from this. Good Luck

I’m another cynic here.
Reading the OP again it’s Cath (allegedly) saying Andy wants money. But, as OP described it, from HER. Not your DH. Or is that not case?
He hasn’t contacted your DH directly.
He has not asked/demanded money from your DH.
I would suggest you don’t go to the police. If Andy is demanding something from Cath, that’s for her to report.
Your DH is also utterly full of shit! He’s lying...

It says the original texts were a year ago....

It didn't all happen in one weekend.

Still very suspicious

I would not contact Andy yourself; he may be a chancer or a wronged husband or a fictional character or an innocent bystander - but he may be dangerous. I also find it odd that Andy hasn't contacted your H directly but is going through his allegedly estranged ex-wife who quit her job and moved house to hide from him. This could easily be some kind of scam she is involved in, or some excuse for her to contact your H (if he indeed had broken off contact with her as he promised).

If I were your H and (relatively) innocent, as he claims, I'd stop speaking with Cath and let Andy do his worst. (I mean, seriously - a would-be or actual blackmailer isn't going to be able to figure out a way to contact someone outside of FaceBook?) Or go to the police, but I'm not sure how much the police can do in this case since your H has not had any threats or requests from Andy. If the story is true, Cath should be making a complaint, whether or not your H also does.

You know best whether you trust that your husband is now telling you the truth and not hiding anything. Is HE willing to call Andy's bluff/go to the police?

Cath sounds unstable and desperate for someone to FUND her new move.. ie your Prick of an unfaithful Husband ... do not be a fool OP..

Why would Andy think cath would give him 5k to stop him breaking up SOMEONE else’s relationship who she hasn’t spoken to in a year? Who would pay that?
I’d unblock Andy too and see if he has any evidence. And call the police to ask what you should do if being blackmailed.

Blackmail still stands as a crime, whether or not your husband cheated.
He DID cheat, OP. Ask your DH to attend the police station with you to report it and you’ll have your answer.
I am sorry. How are you doing? I hope you are as well as you can be x

Thanks for all the replies. In work so not had time to read them all yet.
I forgot an important detail so sorry for drip feed. Andy messaged my DH saying 'MrPlasticTattoo, I'm coming for ya'. This is what led ny DH going on to my FB, according to him.
I think with the fact that Andy is or was a druggie, is trying to blackmail and has sent a threatening message, that I won't contact him. I have 3DC and don't want this drama in my or their lives. Thanks for this DH!
I need to decide what to do about him but not sure I will ever get the full story