Dating Thread 185. Rule 6 reminder - People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

[bangheadhere40]

The Rules: 1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin. 3. Do not invest emotionally too soon. 4. It's all BS until it actually happens. 5. Trust your gut instinct. 6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. 7. Know your worth. 8. If it's not fun, stop. 9. Loo update is mandatory. 10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps click here ** Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

It’s so hard Jane I know
I’m so much over my ex trying to pick holes in me but it’s been 12+ years

I don’t think between them it’s anything major exactly but he’s hurt about her passing blame onto him for things and she’s probably trying to just move on

Even small things affect him a bit, she changed the locks to the house after he gave all the keys back and he was a bit hurt as to her answer why she did that
She also did something with their child that is usually he does with his DS and he felt a bit down about that too

humanswarm Fab is Fabswingers.com

Aww jane and menora so loved up!

@shitwithsugaron i'd be pissed off if someone was seriously asking why i'd not seen their calls.It doesn't hurt ime to let someone be aware of where the line of questioning feels uncomfortable.

Ant how many times has it ended with MissH? And was it you ending it each time? I only ask as I was with someone who ended things, then came back to me, teice (wouldn't stand for that now!). After the second time I said if it happened again there was no coming back. He did it again. I went NC, deleted his number, blocked him. He harrassed me, I even had to block him on bloody Pinterest. And I reported him to the police. So I don't really blame MissH for being wary 😂😂 (I know you wouldn't do the harrassing stuff).

Unambiguous such a positive update😃

Menora I don't cook for men. Years of cooking for my horrible exh, who was always rude about my food (I can cook!) means I won't do that again. Mr BC has joked that I can't cook. I've pointed out the difference between 'can't' and 'won't' 😂😂 I read a book called. Why Men Love Bitches and I seem to remember this being mentioned!!!

shitwith I hope you're okay!

teice = twice 😂😂

I have to cook for myself and DC anyway and usually he gets what is left over! 😂
And it’s usually lasagne/shepherds pie

Has Mr M met your kids then @Menora? How has that gone down with your teenagers? I think you said your DD and you were having a tricky time? My honest advice would be to be more wary of this one. He's newly separated, has incredibly young kids and still seems a bit hung up on his ex. Whilst I'm sure he really likes you at it seems quite early days for him to jump into something new successfully.

Aw @Jane1978xx and @menora you sound so loved up! It is lovely for you both, am really pleased for you, but I honestly think I am never going to have a relationship and am thinking of just giving up OLD instead of chasing what is not meant for me.

I know I’m at rock bottom right now and not thinking straight, but I just can’t imagine ever having that. It makes me feel wistful as nobody has done anything for me in years (well, I have good friends, but for example day to day stuff at home, even someone making me a cup of tea or washing up). My ex just treated me like an annoying nuisance for years, despite living off my income, and is being a twat now over this divorce. Even my daughter would probably step over me if I collapsed, she would be pissed off I didn’t cook her dinner 🙄.

I don’t have the headspace for OLD right now with huge stress at work/feeling completely terrified and overwhelmed by the divorce threat and not sleeping, but I can’t imagine anyone ever being caring or affectionate towards me on a regular basis. Maybe I’ll get an insincere compliment thrown my way if I’m lucky from someone who wants a shag. This is so hard. I have no trouble getting matches or irons but I don’t believe any of them would get over the line and become a relationship. My experiences with it so far have been fairly shallow and an effort for not much reward. I’m wondering whether to accept that I’m just always going to be alone. My ex is truly not a catch - insolvent, grumpy, unattractive, bad tempered, socially awkward and 9 years older than me - yet even he has a new relationship (she has just moved in). On days like these I believe every single bad thing he says about me. I also look in the mirror and consider Botox 🙄

Bats it's ended twice, once each.
And no I dont blame her for being wary at all, I'm well aware that I let her down and damaged her trust in me.
Feeling crappy today, that slight bit of hope where there was none before is actually bloody horrible to deal with even if it's what you really want.

@shitwithsugaron I'd just put that down to him being worried as to all the potential reasons you might not be answering, bearing in mind you said there was an outside chance you'd need an op. If so, it shows he cares 😉

@unambiguousbeard glad to hear you cancelled MrU, big step in the right direction imo 👍

That's not to say not to have fun @Menora just have an eye on it coming with issues and potentially a shelf life.

I don't know how to do compliments. I thank Mr B for things he does. But don't think I've given him a physical compliment. I'm also not very good at receiving them.

He has met them briefly yes - DD1 is the one who is struggling with change and she was at her dads. She’s met him in passing to say hello

DD2 is absolutely fine and just did her own thing as usual aka FaceTiming friends in her room and doing revision. I have a different RS with her she’s nearly 16

I am wary trust me... he’s not hung up on her as a person or missing her it seems but he’s still vulnerable to be hurt by things she does and says. He’s certainly not healed completely and has a long way to go. I don’t want him to use me like a sticking plaster over the wound.

@UtterSocks

This was me the past 2 years and I am really glad I did wait it out till my life was calmer. Last year I was moving house and in a job I hated and so stressed. You need to feel settled and calm within yourself and this can take time - don’t look at ‘forever’ like that, but look at now - it’s just not right now. I may be in the future

*it may be

@BatshitCrazyWoman I cook and he cooks for me. Like @menora it’s nothing fancy and it’s actually good for me as if dd wasn’t there usually I’d be having wine and Doritos 😂.

@UtterSocks your ex sounds like mine and he was happy when he was getting something out of me. I think OLD is a numbers game and mine just came Up early. Do you look outside your comfort zone in terms of age, interests etc even what they look like. Some times people don’t take a good photo but you are attracted to them I. Real life.

I feel for you with the divorce things as well my ex keeps putting up the amount of money he wants from me (I am the higher earned) and he wants me to pay for everything even thou he left but he said I can’t say he is at fault or he’ll bring me down. I don’t sleep and it is making me ill, I can’t take time off work as if he finds out he’ll use that against me. It’s a nightmare I just want to be over. Pm me anytime of you want to talk.

I haven't caught up with the thread. Date with Mr Army is on for tonight. He just told me where and when he has booked a table for.
Mr Unexpected is asking me when he can see me and calling me his girl. Never event met him so amber flag there.
Mr White hasn't asked me on a date yet.
Mr Shy hasn't got incontact after me giving him my number.

I have hidden my profile on POF me not swiping on bumble at the moment. I presume the men I'm talking to will still be able to see my profile but it will be hidden from everyone else.

I don't want to put all my eggs in one basket but the thought of going on multiple different 1st dates is exhausting

Wow batshit that is also me to a T re refusing to cook (for Mr GN or my DC when they’re around) - I’ve done my 21 year stint. Also it seems to be true that men prefer b***s/princesses!

uttersocks if the fun stops with OLD, stop - just until you’re in a better place. And you will be. Please keep posting here 💐

@UtterSocks I felt really sad reading your post. Please take time out to find yourself a bit and don't let those bad thoughts about your ex criticizing you creep in. It's easy to believe everyone is doing well on OLD but most people have been round the block a few times and had ups and downs. I do think only do OLD when you are in the right headspace as then can be a lot of fun.

Agree with @Eesha
Sometimes it’s just not the right time and we are all in different places

It's a bit odd @shitwithsugaron I'm not a fan of someone turning up unannounced anyway to be fair. I'd feel uncomfortable meeting someone's parents but if I'd put myself in that situation I'd put a brave face on it. I assume you were being taken home by your parents so maybe he felt awkward and in the way? Did he ask you what you wanted to do?

@uttersocks I know how you feel. I've been on my own for so long and my kids have zero appreciation for what I do for them. I thought I'd met someone lovely with Mr S last year. He made me cups of tea, even when at mine. Did odd jobs for me. Made me feel attractive etc. But then he dumped me which threw me. As I'd taken those things as a sign he cared?!

Mr B also does nice things for me. But I'm probably less at ease with it than before. Wary of reading too much intent behind what are simple actions. But meant so much to me as I've done everything on my own for so long.

Have you got friends to support you?

@shitwithsugaron do you think it's just been a difficult sequence of events that he just couldn't cope well with. It's still early days and you are unwell, parents there. Some people thrive on those things but maybe he just got into a flap and didn't handle it well. See how things pan out.