Dating Thread 185. Rule 6 reminder - People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

[bangheadhere40]

The Rules: 1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin. 3. Do not invest emotionally too soon. 4. It's all BS until it actually happens. 5. Trust your gut instinct. 6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. 7. Know your worth. 8. If it's not fun, stop. 9. Loo update is mandatory. 10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps click here ** Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@shitwithsugaron I had a not easily explained head injury whilst alone, I found the range of reactions quite startling, from people who treated me as if I were extremely fragile, right through to people who pretty much laughed it off as if it were a joke.

All I knew was that I felt just fine despite the injuries, but it wasn't until months later that I could see just how much my brain had been jumbled up by it all, and the thing that still bothers me now is that I will never know what happened.

Make sure you are generous in looking after yourself, as some people forget very quickly that you've been seriously injured if you aren't hobbling round in a cast.

@shitwithsugaron don't make any rash decisions/snap judgements. Although it does sound like you might have gone off him. And tbh you've not done a great deal of enthusing about him!

I cannot imagine someone doing something nice for me. I'm totally self reliant. And yeah I won't cook. I can but I don't. Did every meal for over 10 years and got undermined. I now give my kids food they'll eat. The irony is exH now cooks huge proper meals and they refuse to eat it. He never ever cooked when we were together. I can't really imagine someone saying nice things either. Mr u and I had a piss takey way together which suited both of us. Very very occasionally he'd say the odd nice thing. I think if someone was complimentary I'd see it as a huge red flag.

I'm flicking between about 8 or so irons. A couple of front runners but then they change. Trying to go for suitable this time but I do love a tattooed millennial. Which I am not. And leftie single dad doesn't do it for me! That's my male equivalent.

Have turned it off for a bit as I'm getting confused between all the robs and Simons. No Daves though. Rule no 14.

One is my rules is no Jason's. Everyone I have known has turned out to be arrogant. No offence if they are any Jason's on the thread or anyone's whos iron is a Jason

I remember the name issue a few threads back! Can I please remind everyone to please avoid Mark's like the plague.

Ah it's finally happened to me! Number 1 iron appears to be married. Told me where he works, did the @Marlboroandmalbec34 (oh how is marlbs? Hopefully loved up w big?) search and found his insta. Last pic posted end jan with #wifey!!!

I'll message and ask when he split up. And then see. Might see if she's on insta. Creep.

And no he's not a mark. Or a Jason!

@dancer I've never met anyone called Jason weirdly...in any capacity. Note to self to avoid though.

What a creep! What's the @marlborough search?

@shitwithsugaron Glad you're home and feeling a bit better. Re Mr L, I think the fact that he came to hospital (twice?) to see you says a lot and maybe he just hadn't factored in bumping into your parents and it threw him a bit? You are the one that was there though so if you found it all uncomfortable then I'd talk to him about it (and the thing about the missed calls) and see what he says.

Can I recommend everyone avoids Michaels or Mikes?

Which is so annoying as I used to love that name ever since The Lost Boys 😆

@shitwithsugaron
I'm hoping it was the shock of meeting your parents that has turned him into a knob and maybe he's embarrassed about his behaviour and that's why he said for you to stay at your parents tonight.

If it's not that and he wants to see you tomorrow is it just sex he is wanting?

The phone call thing would be a huge red flag for me, who rings someone in hospital, surely you would text/whatsapp just in case they were asleep or something and then if you got a reply ask to call.

I hope you're feeling so much better and you're back to normal soon.

They're only noodles michael

Nerves are kicking in. Meeting between 7:00 and 7:20. Feels like it's forever since I went on a first date. Risking going without a sling as it doesn't go with my outfit and haven't taken any painkillers either. Hope I don't get bumped into

@UtterSocks
Sorry to hear things arent going great, up until your ex mentioned the divorce you seemed to be doing ok.

Have you managed to get legal advice yet?
I think it would help you feel more in control if you didnt have to guess what might happen.

I've just had my divorce through so if you want to chat via PM I'm happy to.

My ex was emotionally abusive and actually did say some nice stuff to me but he also had numerous emotional affairs so in my mind he meant none of it.
I find it difficult to accept compliments, when I just had FBs or FWBs everything they said was taken with a pinch of salt because I always knew it was all about the sex.
My current situation was never meant to happen, it started as FB and has become more, I think when you are happy in your self and with life things just slot into place.

I'm getting better at accepting compliments from my new guy, instead of dismissing him and his words and being negative I now thank him. It was hard to start with but does get easier.

And as for him doing nice stuff, it scares me a lot and I kept it strictly sex for so long but then I got ill last month and he came to help with my animals.
I
Part of me thinks he is only doing nice stuff to have sex with me but then I'd have sex with him anyway.

I hate ex's that fuck our heads up.

Please remember that you are amazing and you are worth 100 of your ex who is a cockwomble, no doubt he is on his best behaviour for his new girlfriend and she hasn't seen that side of him or maybe she likes men like that.

@shitwithsugaron
That is logical if he doesnt drive but I'd still be annoyed.

I hope you can discuss it and it's just stress that's made him be like this.

No one wants to have a hospital admission so early on in a relationship, it's hard to know how to act and stuff.

I know it's been said before but I just love how supportive everyone is on this thread to what everyone else is going through. The support and advice has really boosted not only me but I'm sure many more of you on here when we haven't quite been feeling our best

He doesn't drive @shitwithsugaron oh I wouldn't like that. I think a chat sounds like a good idea. A lot has happened very early on and maybe it's wise you aren't both relying on each as sole support at this stage as you aren't partners. I wouldn't like he accusation though. A text to ask if you were ok would have been much more appropriate.

@unambiguousbeard you think if they were going on dating apps they'd lock down their social media. He's a cheat and a stupid one.

Would you think it weird if the guy you were dating added you to FB and it was absolutely full of photos of his estranged wife, wedding etc etc? Or do people not cleanse and just leave it?

Mine has got loads of my wedding on it. Wouldn't even occur to me to remove it! Was a great party! And me with ex looking happy. Unlike my iron however they weren't taken this year.... or actually even this decade!

I don’t have many photos of my ex on my Fb unless you search hard for them (I think there’s one or two from many years ago), no wedding photos, just a couple of him with the dc’s.

My snake has been looking at my Fb I think as he came up on my “people you might know” list the other day, so I clicked on his profile and there are many photos of him with his ex wife but they are from years ago and I don’t think he uses Facebook much anymore, doesn’t look like he has posted any public photos on there for 5 years. I think if I was going to add a potential partner I would clean up my Fb a bit first but I don’t think men think like we do.

Mr scenery on his way to pick me up, we’re off out to the cinema, date number 5 and I’m on a promise of a kiss at long last!!
I’ll catch up properly later, but @shitwithsugaron glad your home, he could just be feeling overwhelmed with you and his mum and feeling inadequate! Or he could be an arse!!

@Menora
I never really put photos of my husband on Facebook because I had a shit marriage and wasnt going to pretend things were great. There are some at events and on occasions.

My Facebook is a story of my life so I wouldnt tidy up my facebook if I added a boyfriend, it is what it is.

If Mr M shared a memory and the photo included his wife/marriage then I'd be a bit miffed but old stuff is fine in my opinion.