Dating Thread 185. Rule 6 reminder - People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

[bangheadhere40]

The Rules: 1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin. 3. Do not invest emotionally too soon. 4. It's all BS until it actually happens. 5. Trust your gut instinct. 6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. 7. Know your worth. 8. If it's not fun, stop. 9. Loo update is mandatory. 10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps click here ** Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@clover thank you for your kind words! He did get in touch but sent me a photo of his cat! Completely ignored my concerns, doesn't Express himself at all so I'm done I think!

I think that's a sensible decision @bangheadhere40
He's either completely unaware or not bothered how you might be feeling, both of which are an issue, or is ignoring it so he doesn't have to explain himself.
Not great and on top of what you said about the weekend, I think you're doing the right thing 😉
But sorry it's ended up like this

Thanks @ant330 think I've tagged properly 😉

@ant330 how are things with Miss Outing ( I think 🤔)

@bangheadhere40 I would give him one last chance to answer, he may have had a crisis or forgot his phone or something. Also who sent the last message ? He may think he’s upset you and doesn’t know what to say. If you like him I’d give him one last chance to talk it over. Not let him off but let him explain himself

Hi @jane1978xxx I just think if he wants to get in touch he knows where I am. I was obviously upset last night and at 8pm tonight he sends me a photo of his cat!!! I'm not chasing him, I like him but I just can't.

@bangheadhere40 he seems to have sent you a cat picture to keep you interested despite his rubbish behaviour. Keep your head up high!

@bangheadhere40 I didn’t mean you had to make the first move but if he sends a reasonable message now then I would ask him to explain and not just dump him straight off.

He has just messaged now asking about my evening, showing concern 🤔

@shit. .I'm seriously going to either have to ignore ot pull him up on his shitty behaviour ( again). I'm tempted with the latter!

I’d hear him out then decide what to do , let us know

@bangheadhere40, do you usually communicate mostly through texts ? Would you find it difficult to have a conversation with him ? I don't like texts ( in situations like this ) and I think that the lack of communication today has really made the situation so difficult for you. Does his behaviour fit with the man you have seen over the first dates ? Can you sense a shift in his apparent attitude to you ?

I agree with @Jane1978xx.

@onnesmallstep yes normally via WA. It does make it hard with the tone etc. He is nice in person.....he's just not communicative. I don't know...he has always been nice in person, but won't speak about emotions, avoids deep chats etc.

But @bangheadhere40 were you obviously upset last night? I'm going against the grain here! The message you sent didn't sound upset, it was reasonable. Plus the "shall we see how it goes" from you isn't that keen. If someone sent me that I'd be a bit put out. And then I don't think he shut you down. He doesn't know all this anxiety and stuff is going on! He probably thought , " oh not heard from bang yet today I'll send a cat picture to say hi". It doesn't sound like you have good communication or even really get on that well though. Do you have a laugh together at all?

@unambiguous we have a laugh when together. He probably has no idea, well he won't do. I thought my message last night spelt it out but maybe not ☹

@bangheadhere40, sleep on it. Do you have another potential date with him lined up? Presumably that will have to be discussed soon and see whether he still intends to do as you had planned. The bigger question is still is this the man you want ? Will you be able to get beyond this hurdle in lack of deeper chat ? Are you trying to make a connection work with him when maybe sadly it's just not there ?

From what you have said @bangheadhere40 you aren't feeling comfortable and relaxed with him. That doesn't mean he's a bad person etc but he doesn't seem to be making you happy. @supercali77 said something similar earlier. How we feel should be our measure. They don't have to do anything that we can categorise as bad or a red flag. But we should listen to our gut and think whether they are meeting our needs. After 5 dates it should be fun and exciting. Not boring and causing anxiety? Imho anyway.

What I'm learning from this thread is that we all have different ways of communicating, different boundaries, different triggers. But I think we all agree that a relationship should be enhancing.

@Notcoolmum, definitely agree. We are all different and so are the men we are encountering. It's about finding the right match. And when we do, most of us know that these questions and issues don't usually arise but if they do they get resolved because both parties want to make it work.

@onesmallstep67 no definite date scheduled no.

I need to actually talk to him in person really and gauge his reaction. No good over messages, if he sets something up I will definitely try to have the conversation in person.

No judgement please. I really wasn't feeling it with Mr Smile so I cancelled the date this morning with him. Mr Army texted around lunch time and asked what I was doing later as he was free and is going to be really busy for the rest of the week and into next week. We went out bowling and had such a laugh, he had no issues with kissing in public or holding hands (no one I have ever dated or been in a relationship with has wanted to kiss me in public) I lost all 3 games even when he was deliberately trying to loose so I could at least win 1. Then we went for food and then back to his to watch a film because we both didn't want the evening to end. One thing led to another and we DTD (I was trying to wait with him but I just couldn't) He is just so easy to talk to. We even commented on the drive home that although we both have trust issues coming from childhood it just seems right and neither has an issue telling each other stuff we don't usually share.
I don't know where this will go, he is a busy man and has just been given more responsibility at work but at the moment we are just going to try and make it work and see where it goes. I like him and I'd like it to end up as a relationship but who knows. If it doesn't turn into anything at least the sex was amazing

@Dancerinthemoonlight that’s a great update, nothing to judge! You had a great time, what happens happens!

Hi girls. Haven't RTWT because it seems pretty well established but might hop on if that's ok. Been OLD on and off for 6 years. Had one relationship from there (fucking awful) and started another one very end of 2018 that ended up with me being royally fucked over last year (saw at the weekend hes back on POF too which made me think god should I even bother). Anyway for obvious reasons I had a bit of time off, had a lovely christmas and have spent the first part of this year going out with the girls, decorating and losing the Christmas weight. Now I'm back in the game so to speak.

Not sure how long this dating lark will last as I have limited time and even less patience to invest into it but hey thought sod it I'd give it a go.
The thing is for me I rarely meet anyone in real life. I've got a busy job but will not date anyone involved with work. And when I'm out with the girls I just want to have fun. I dont want to chat up blokes. I think I'm at that age (42) where the only men I attract on nights out are much younger and I'm not interested. So here I am.

Thing is I've been through so much shit over the last 6 years with 2 blokes that I'm just not prepared to settle now. I have zero tolerance for bulshit and I know exactly what I want. If I never meet anyone again then that's cool, I'm happy enough on my own so one sign of fuckery and I'm out of there.
It isn't looking very hopeful is it ha ha.

As you can probably tell, I like to talk .
Anyway I had a date with Mr I cant stop staring at your tits on Friday, which I left after precisely one glass of shiraz wasmy tits were feeling overwhelmed with all the attention (should've listened to my gut as I knew I wasnt feeling him). And then a 2nd date Sunday with Mr I seem quite nice but am probably a weirdo (going to have to think of a shorter name). It was actually the 2nd time I've met him and he still seems nice. So after regular contact since then I'm seeing him again Saturday. It's the last weekend before payday for me so I'm a bit skint (and it's been a busy few weeks) so I've invited him over for a takeaway. I fully intend to interrogate him. And I want to see if my very friendly but quite protective dog likes him.

@Dancerinthemoonlight sounds like a lovely evening. Why would there be any judgment you had a lovely time. At the start of a relationship no one knows what will happen in the future. Yes he's busy but if it's meant to be you can make it happen. If not enjoy it until it becomes not what you want.