Dating Thread 185. Rule 6 reminder - People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

[bangheadhere40]

The Rules: 1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin. 3. Do not invest emotionally too soon. 4. It's all BS until it actually happens. 5. Trust your gut instinct. 6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. 7. Know your worth. 8. If it's not fun, stop. 9. Loo update is mandatory. 10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps click here ** Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

A dinner out with you is probs Amy a nice idea @menora but I find the fact it's Mother's Day and your aren't his mother nor the mother of his kids. Nor are you living with him as a daily with your kids. My kids are the same age as yours and they' wouldn't like it. They'd feel he was muscling in our our time. And as much as I'd like someone to treat me for the first time in forever on Mother's Day it wouldn't feel appropriate to me. Maybe suggest you all go out on the Saturday or the weekend after so you are appreciating the thought and the gesture.

Finally one of my Tinder matches has replied.
His profile says "no grumpy women". He says he's come across loads of them. Hardly surprising as his messages are just 2 or 3 words long.

I'm trying to think how to say "no wonder you think women are grumpy, put some effort in!"
Or maybe I'll just send that!

@echo - ask him if he's ever considered he is the common denominator there.

I’ve spoken to DD17 but not DD15 yet and not Mr M

I asked if she minded his suggestion and said absolutely no problem to say she minds and wants to spend it with me without him I just want what she wants, and will not be upset and nor will Mr M. No one will judge you and you are not obliged to say yes. I said I understood if it felt weird and if he’s overstepping into her life

She said she did not mind and that it takes some pressure off her as she feels like the only child who makes the effort for me (DD15 is lazy AF) and she appreciates the idea and is happy to get to know him better. She wants to go to wherever he has suggested (I don’t know where it is) and he’s going to drive
She said she likes that he actually seems interested in the family side of our life and it is better than ‘you going out all the time’ (once a week DD!!)
I said ok well just think about it as you can change your mind any time

DD is receptive to people who make the effort with her

@Stuckinarut79 Entirely appropriate for Mr Inappropriate! Glad you had fun.

@EchoElephant Wow! What a catch!

I decided not to put all my eggs in one basket. I know I should be staying away from Twitter but.. I followed this guy I used to fancy before my last relationship. He followed me back straight away, messaged me to say “hi” and we had a nice catch up conversation. Thus proving it’s not that hard! Enter Mr Actor as an iron..

Yup @EchoElephant I am increasingly coming to that conclusion about Mr Coffee. Unless he messages and is incredibly apologetic and suggests an amazing date, I’m definitely pulling back. Even then, I’ve scheduled other things in so he’d have to fit around them. I feel like if I did meet up with him now I wouldn’t really enjoy it as I feel so under appreciated! The thing is, if he does just see me as a professional acquaintance, this would be rubbish networking!
It’s maybe a one off - he’s normally good at keeping me updated and rescheduling promptly..

Hi everyone, reading along but having a horrible day. One of my cats had been missing and it was confirmed this morning that she had been in an RTA on the day she went missing and passed away.
I will update on my irons soon. I sometimes think that my experience of losing my DH to illness means that I haven't had to negotiate some of the difficult and draining relationships some of you found yourself in. But what I do know is that a good man will look out for you, be in touch, won't play games and will make his feelings clear. And you will want to do the same by him.

So sorry to hear about your cat onesmallstep, that's so sad

@onesmallstep sorry to hear about your cat.

So sorry about your cat @onesmallstep. I'd be gutted if anything happened to mine.

So sorry to hear about your cat
I lost my cat last year the same way and I got a necklace with her name on which I never take off. It just makes me feel closer to her and I think about her all the time

Onesmallstep67 such sad news about your cat

Menora that sounds like a positive response from your daughter

@Onesmallstep67 sorry to hear about your cat.

@Menora that’s a positive sign from your daughter, I think it’s all been said and your open to the chance it’s all going to go pear shaped as well as open to the chance it’ll all work out, which is good, I think we need to be cynical in this old world to protect ourselves but by being vulnerable that’s were the good stuff happens it’s just getting that balance right.

I'm meant to be meeting Mr Smile tomorrow evening but I'm not sure if I'm really feeling it. I kind of want to put all my attention to Mr Army but then I have made that mistake before and put all my eggs in one basket. I suppose 1 meeting won't hurt

Have you got a date lined up with mr army @dancer? Or still not a time agreed? I would think seeing mr smile would be sensible but get the wanting to concentrate! How’s the wrist healing?

We don't have a time agreed yet as he works 2 jobs, in the army and part time security. I suppose it would make sense to hate the date with Mr Smile. My wrist is massively bruised at the moment but some movement is beginning to come so I'm feeling more hopeful than I was.

Thank you for your kind words. Just glad that we found out and have some closure.

Hi all.
@Menora I think your situation sounds great. You both know what you want, you're being open and your consulting your kids. Go for it, I'm jealous!!

I'm struggling here. I'm really over investing in Mr P and I miss him a lot. I'm going to struggle seeing him just one day a week. I want to see him more. I really like him and I'm struggling feeling like this. I'm not saying any of this to him as I'm quite sure it will scare the living shit out of him ! He has his kids 50 percent of the time and rightly prioritises them. It's part of why he's so lovely to me! But I'm really struggling with not seeing him. Despite him making this quite clear from the outside that they come first.
Please someone slap me....

@clover I don't know what to suggest as you sound similar to me. If he has his kids a lot then that's a good thing as he's a good dad. Can you try and look at it like that? He has also had the conversation with you an said he wants to see how it goes which is a good positive.

@clover is there an opportunity to meet up more the 50% he is kid free?

Well currently we are seeing each other 1 day a week and we've done 2 weekends ( his child free ones ) however he told me yesterday he's going away with his mates on a prearranged thing on his next child free one so I won't see him .
He says hes relaxed and happy to see where this is going but I'm not relaxing at all lol !!!!!
I find myself checking WhatsApp repeatedly and hate being like this!!!

@Clovertoast don’t feel jealous! It’s not perfect what we have found with each other, it just is a thing, we don’t know what the thing is maybe 😂 and there is every chance the thing won’t work out. I’m trying to enjoy the days as they do come - FaceTime is good for catching up? I FaceTimed with Mr M he was cleaning the bathroom and I was cooking

Everyone decent will put their kids first doesn’t mean you can’t feature somewhere
I agree go with your gut at not blurting out feelings and try go with the flow. Sometimes feelings spill out and that’s just how things happen but try enjoy what you have now and don’t over think it!

I hate the way they are so 'relaxed' how infuriating! It annoys me too, everyone is different though, they have no idea how we can wind ourselves up about this. It makes me think I need someone who is a little less relaxed....

I think that if you are happy with the level of contact then go with it, if it's making you insecure and not fun then have a think if it's what you want.

I'm putting zero pressure on Mr Dumfries but if he doesn't want to see me a little more or is that different in his expectations we probably aren't compatible relationship wise.