Dating Thread 185. Rule 6 reminder - People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

[bangheadhere40]

The Rules: 1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin. 3. Do not invest emotionally too soon. 4. It's all BS until it actually happens. 5. Trust your gut instinct. 6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. 7. Know your worth. 8. If it's not fun, stop. 9. Loo update is mandatory. 10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps click here ** Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@bangheadhere40 @shitwithsugaron yeh I think if have said something that's sounds lovely but why don't we go out and do x'. It's too settled for me on what is your 4th meeting? A weekend could have been so much fun and you don't know when you will get another one. Sorry if I'm projecting my own views. I'd just like more excitement at his stage. Not act like a married couple!

No message confirming what time he can do tomorrow. I should have said what time I could do, shouldn’t I?Fact is, I’m off work and planning to be in town meeting other friends and doing errands, so am quite free and easy. Torn between wanting to be casual and also not wanting him to think it’s ok to leave me hanging like this!
Definite orange flag. I’ll go tomorrow if he does get back to me, but I’m not going to chase and won’t be as quick to get in touch afterwards. I feel like I’m already trying to protect myself from getting hurt by writing it off..

Yeah @Notcoolmum that's what it felt like, it was our 5th meeting.

I was a bit 'ok'....but as he had already been out and bought all the ingredients and had it all planned I didn't want to say to go out as I felt it a little rude! I did say next time we meet up I would like to go out for a meal. I don't want to just get into sitting in and watching TV.

@trees, did you ask him what time? and he just hasn't given a time?

I’ve had not-going-out weekends like that with Mr Mad but that’s because we were FWB and it was all about sex, plus conversation flowed as the man NEVER stops talking. It does sound a bit meh for 5 dates in to what you want to be a relationship bang.

Yeah, and I don't like the me firming up actual 'meeting' arrangements. I feel the effort may be dwindling unfortunately from his side. I'm not going to push it / chase.

What was the last convo @Treesinthewind
And in my mind you've not done anything wrong. You've given him a day out of the ones he suggested and he's not taken it further. I'd make other plans tomorrow and if he mentions it say you are busy now.

Last convo was me: “Hey, just planning my week ahead. Did you still want to meet up on Tuesday?”

Him: “Hey, yeah. I’d you’re still up for it?”

Me: “I am. What time is good for you?”

I had previously said “I can do anytime on Tuesday” and we’ve previously just met up in middle of day as we both work sort of freelance/flexible. I think even if he was totally just a platonic friend I would expect a vague time by now.
If he wasn’t interested why didn’t he just say he couldn’t do it yesterday?

I need to catch up on the thread it’s moved fast!
Mr M came over for dinner last night and my DD’s were both home

He bought them some chocolate and apparently he asked DD1 if he could book a table for us all for dinner to take me out on Mother’s Day
She was a bit touched by this, not that she wouldn’t do anything for me for Mother’s Day as she would, but that he had thought about it. It is slightly weird and also slightly lovely... what do you think?

I think that's a bit weird @Menora he should be arranging things with his mother or the mother of his children IMHO. If you were living together and he had a more defined role with your children maybe...

Yeh @Treesinthewind make other plans. That would drive me mad.

@Notcoolmum

I already know he’s taking her out for lunch! This is probably dinner

We are the worst for married couple quickly!

I am not really complaining about it, we do go out and do things as well but honestly do love cuddling up on sofa with Ddog watching a film on TV. And I get foot rubs... that he will touch my feet is a bonus! (I don’t have manly feet but still nice)

*manky
He also gets rid of giant spiders

@Treesinthewind - he hasn't replied at all to the what time is good for you? Has he 'read' it, if you are on WA.

I think he has left it too late now, and if he does come back you should say you have made other plans as well.

We stayed in from when I got there Saturday afternoon till I left Sunday evening. We had discussed going out but we had been sending flirty messages while I was on the train getting there so by the time I arrived plans to go out went out the window and we went straight to bed .
He did ask on Sunday but I didn't want to really.
I think if YOU wanted to go out @bangheadhere40 then you definitely should say.
I'm sorry if you feel the effort has dropped off . I hate that feeling.
I keep having to have a word with myself as I can feel myself getting needy and greedy!

@bangheadhere40 you asked how the exclusive conversation came about . Well, he asked if my 17 year old suspected and if she asked what would I say. I said I didn't know what to say as I wasn't sure what we were doing etc ?
This then led to both of us saying we liked each other, where this is now and who knows what will happen etc. He did say he no longer considers himself available and I said me too. .
It was nice. I'm a bit smitten....shit

@Treesinthewind Forget him. Delete the convo. He's dragging this out. Do yourself a favour and make it a certainty.

@bangheadhere40 I'm not getting a carefree and enjoyable impression from you on the weekend? It seems stilted. Personally for me I couldn't spend a weekend with someone feeling like that. And as others have said you seem to be focusing on whether he likes you, which I concur is the second most important thing, after you decide if you like him and his company. I'm sorry I just don't get the impression that this is the 'real deal' from your POV. But wanting to know if he's interested is maybe blinding you to that. Just my impression

@supercali77 yes, it wasn't that easy this weekend to be fair, as others have said though it's a lot of time to fill just 'sitting in'. I do like him and really enjoyed his company up until this weekend, felt fine. I liked him a lot more last time I saw him when he seemed easier to talk to and more open about how he was feeling about the situation. I felt a lot more relaxed the weekend before. This weekend with none of that has put me on edge slightly.

@Menora How long has he known DD1 and how old is DD1? I would have found it inappropriate unless DD1 is an adult and he had known her for quite a while. MrNN will have known MiniSJT for 9 months by fathers day (I think), but even if assisted in arranging a card or anything I’d be weirded out and tell him.

DD1 is nearly 18 so yes practically an adult
She’s met him in passing a couple of times
She initially was upset at me being out too much - not against Mr M at all. Just that things had changed in our lives a bit. Which he is aware of and I think might be a gesture of building a RS with her?
I don’t know which way to think it!

@Treesinthewind I wouldn’t delete just yet your moving from colleagues to hopefully something more and your not sure if he’s even thinking that, but I agree ire certainty would help, does he know your off sick? Or is he thinking he doesn’t need to set a time as you usually just slip out?

@bang great advice as always for you here, think about what you want, but I’m exactly the same! Wanting him to start the conversation and wanting him to make more of an effort. I just want to know if he’s playing it cool or not that interested!!

I’m off for coffee with mr inappropriate in half an hour, probably a really bad idea!! It’s got fwb potential but not sure I want that! Mr scenery did suggest Thursday night so I’ve sorted a sitter, I finally caved last night and messaged him, he was having a stressful evening with work, and did appoligies it’s all perfectly plausible and it could be im reading far too much into what he says/doesn’t say and I’ve just got to give it tome to grow!

He’s talking the mother of his own children out for lunch on Mother’s Day and this would be dinner

@Stuckinarut79 yeah I don't want to write him off when in fact it's my issue! I know I do have a tendency to get a little 'needy' and want reassurance. I am aware of my issues, so don't want to let them cloud my judgment and drop someone who is in fact quite nice and normal, due to my own problems.

Mr Scenery on Thursday....hope that goes well.

@Treesinthewind He's making no effort to see you. You've given him a day and asked about a time. How difficult is to say "I'll meet you at X time and place".
Make other plans and enjoy your day without him. His loss.

@Menora do you think he suggested it in order to try and show your daughters that he is really a good, thoughtful bloke? It's a nice gesture. I guess it depends on whether you think dinner all together would feel too awkward.