Dating Thread 185. Rule 6 reminder - People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

[bangheadhere40]

The Rules: 1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin. 3. Do not invest emotionally too soon. 4. It's all BS until it actually happens. 5. Trust your gut instinct. 6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. 7. Know your worth. 8. If it's not fun, stop. 9. Loo update is mandatory. 10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps click here ** Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Well I suppose all you can do is hold tight banghead, if you can’t raise the matter with him then the ball is in his court. Have you messaged since you left his?

@tiger yeah he has messaged me this evening asking how my evening is etc...as normal really.....

@daisy...so many men on there just like chatting, filling time, having an ego boost, but won't firm plans. Definitely the right thing to do to say message back when you want to meet.

The advice of meeting quickly if you can is probably the best advice going....

I do really love this thread even though I don't post often, I keep up to date with everything and it really makes me smile how supportive everyone is.

Can I ask how you get over the fear of actually meeting someone for the first time? I've dropped out of so many conversations because they've asked to meet, which is unfair of me because I do want to meet but I'm just so nervous. Both of what they'll think of me and if they're not like their profile and then I feel stuck.

I haven't been on a date for 7 years except for my ex and Mr Repeat and he's, well a repeat! So please give me your advice on how to get past this as some of them I would really like to meet!

I was meant to have a date tonight but he said earlier he wasn’t feeling well and could he let me know. This would have been our 3rd date, he finally cancelled fairly late saying he wanted to see me but wasn’t well and we’d have to arrange something soon. That’s a nice way of dumping isn’t it?
Anyway, I’ve arranged a date Thursday with a new one from Pof, I’ve chatted on the phone and we seemed to have a lot to talk about and when he asked me to go for a drink he asked me to choose where, so that I would feel comfortable, which was nice. When we exchanged numbers to phone, he also told me to message when I was free and he would ring me to save my phone bill, which again I thought was nice.

Thanks @bangheadhere40 it's a weird game. I wish you well with your mr Dumfries. X

pomegranatefizz I was always very nervous going on first dates, particularly with my current bf. We'd chatted a while before meeting and really clicked so expectations were high. I was so nervous I felt physically ill. In fairness, I didn't go on many OLD dates so I didn't have loads of experience probably why I found them so tough.

What worked for me was reminding myself of all the other people that go on first dates and that helped a bit. Am sure more experienced daters will have better advice for you

@pomegranate...I would just meet briefly for a coffee/ quick drink. See it as an opportunity just to have a quick chat with no expectations. The more you do it the easier it is, it's just getting through the first couple of them. Once you have done a couple it will get easier......

If you aren't sure what to say just ask questions, most people like talking about themselves. The only time I have been nervous about a first date is if I've over invested in messaging beforehand.

@mylife the new one sounds nice and considerate. I can't do phone chatting before dates, so if you get on well without meeting good sign.

The other one could be poorly, but really he should have apologised and set up another time straight away if genuine.

pomegranate I can be quite self conscious on the 'sitting infront of someone in a pub' sort of date ( if I fancy them!), so alot of my dates were dog walks . One bloke I said I was in his area and going to do an aldi shop and he came over and met me in the car park. Think he even pushed my trolley!

No dates for me still. I attempted pof again last week and managed four days. Never had a nasty message ever on there,never had a dick pic and lots of pleasant people among the dross but my God,do people actually want to meet to date? Chatted to a guy very local to me and after the second day of him messaging the same good morning, what you up to,sweet dreams etc and saying he liked a curry,then me saying i live very near the Indian restaurant ( hint) and the next day the same good mornings. I then said if he ever fancied a curry,just let me know. But then the same old good morning and hows you message. So I gave up.
Another one asked me over to his house for a coffee within two messages. I replied no,but a drink sometime would be great. His reply ' oh ok,what about my shed then ,I make a great coffee's.'

As if I was going to sit in his man shed,after just meeting.for a quick shag!

Someone mentioned up thread that they and their partner were careful with money. To find someone on the same page is so important to me. I've had a few long terms with men who on paper earnt well but spent it all and also were up to their eyes in debt and whilst I dont earn alot I'm a saver ( though generous and fair).

I didnt mean to be judgy then. It's just if I ever live with someone again I'd rather same page regarding money.
If I just casually date then obviously their money is their business.

@Stillsexystillsingle not sure I could do the long distance thing! But glad he’s making you smile.

@shitwithsugaron how are you this evening? Mr list leaving you alone or have you gone nc ?

@bangheadhere40 are you any better chatting over text, I can find that easier.

I tried badoo, very interesting loads of matches, I did the whole like everyone who wasn’t really awful, some absolute toddlers but hopefully I have a date for coffee Thursday morning. I’ll call him Mr rugby he seems really nice but not getting over invested!
Also have a coffee date for tomorrow with someone off tinder but turns out he’s also on fab, I’ve bailed on him over the weekend as conversation kept getting very sexual but words were had and just had a long very clean chat on the phone so I’ll give him a go a potential fwb!
Mr scenery is very quiet and can’t do Wednesday this week, I really feel I’m too invested and far more into him and it’s crap!

Had an amazing weekend with Mr P. He's just lovely.
We had the chat and we've agreed we're seeing each other exclusively to see " where this is going "
Its going to be tricky though. Hes 40 mins drive away from me and has his kids 50/50 and I have mine all the time.
We're probably only going to be able to see each other once a week and every other weekend.
A small part of me is asking how this can turn onto into anything when thats all we can see each other?
I think IM self sabotaging there maybe?

@clovertoast I only see mr g once in week and every other Friday and it’s working . Come the summer we should be at the stage to introduce kids so we can have a day out with them too.

@pomegranatefizz just go for it - there's not really any secret to not being nervous the first time! But the fear of it will be worse than the actual date, I can almost guarantee it!

Pick one you're not too fussed about as a trial run, and arrange to meet for a coffee. Once you've got the first one out the way, the rest will seem easier. The chances are the guy will be feeling just as nervous, and we've all been there before so there will always be someone on this thread to support you!

Worst case, you'll have an awkward 30 minutes drinking coffee with someone, and a story to tell us on this thread. Best case, you'll meet someone you click with and want to see them again.

@clover...that's good news....how did the conversation arise?

@stuck...ah sorry about Mr Scenery...has he rearranged another time? Good on you for setting up a new date though.

@Clovertoast That's all me and Mr Ad see each other and we've just gone past the 6 month mark.

I guess it depends on what your looking for really but this suits me fine as I have my kids and love my time with them and he has other things that require his time too.

I'm not looking too much into the future, just enjoying what we have now.

@bangheadhere40 how do YOu feel about Mr D? You appear to be more concerned about how he feels and yet you aren't describing that you feel particularly connected to him.

I'd be disappointed if I gave up a whole weekend to see someone and we hung around their house the whole time. Whilst that stuff is nice as things progress, during the early days it's nice to go out and do something together. Also if you are just sat about it's not a surprise you don't have a great deal to talk about. That's a lot of hours to fill.

On 'the chat' I'd say it has happened either because they are keen to pin me down. Or in bed where perhaps I've asked if they are doing this with other people...

To who asked about going on a date, I think you just have to brave it. It's always a bit nerve wracking meeting someone new for the first time. But it does get easier. And you get better at knowing if you want to carry he date on. Lunch dates are a nice way in with less pressure.

@notcool...I didn't think of it like that but yes I would have hoped we would have gone out one evening out of the 2. We went for a walk as I said, but I would have liked to have got out of the house for a meal or something the other night. Just sitting around did make it more difficult conversation wise.

I expected to stay in Friday but he didn't ask if I would like to go out Saturday, as he had bought food in to cook for us.

If I shift perspective to me and how I feel I'm not sure. I like him, fancy him, but would like him to be more expressive and a little less laid back!!!

@shit yeah I think I am looking at it the wrong way round, and would have liked to have gone out. I don't like sitting around all weekend and it did affect the conversation topics! Saying that he had been to the butchers and had got something really nice to cook, so maybe that's his way of making an effort.

He also isn't a big drinker ( which is a very good thing)...but I felt a little awkward drinking wine on my own.

I guess it's too early to tell.

He initiates messaging, but I find it's me firming up plans. I would like him to as well, so will just sit tight and see if he does.

@shit he had already bought food in for both nights ( nice food) so already had the meals sorted.