Dating Thread 185. Rule 6 reminder - People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

[bangheadhere40]

The Rules: 1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin. 3. Do not invest emotionally too soon. 4. It's all BS until it actually happens. 5. Trust your gut instinct. 6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. 7. Know your worth. 8. If it's not fun, stop. 9. Loo update is mandatory. 10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps click here ** Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

No flaming here @misty9. So he had sex with you. Left without saying goodbye and blocked you in his way out? What a total and utter twat he is. I honesty think that's the worst behaviour I've read about on this thread. Please, please know that it is not you. His shitty behaviour is his shitty problem. Be with friends tonight and keep busy. I think the only good from this is that you will raise your boundaries as a result. No more second chances. No more thinking connection usurps decent behaviour.
Hope you are ok.

Well done @shitwithsugaron that can't have been easy.

@misty9 im so sorry you have gone through that. I do think though when people behave so badly, it's the wakeup call one needs and you can finally see what a twat he is. Don't let it discolour your view of dating because that's the first time I've read a story as horrible as that. You deserve, and will find better.

@Misty9 we give people chances because we hope they are genuine like us. Unfortunately they are not and he's showing his true self. We learn from things like this and eventually it makes us stronger. Be king to you today

Misty that is a horrible man, I’m so sorry for what happened to you. Absolutely cruel and actual scum I’m raging! Where does he live give me his number

Glad you are ok @shitwithsugaron if you feel relieved then it shows it was the right thing to do!

@Misty9 what an arse hole. It’s not you it’s him. Hope you find some support in rl.

@bangheadhere40 one of my issues with the deeper convos is apart from him and my dd the rest of my life is a mess and I’ve also had so much shit in my past I don’t want to just sit telling sad stories .

Misty9 what a horrible person he is to do that. Look after yourself today

shitwithsugaron sorry things didn't work out with Mr List. Don't feel bad, though. He was what you needed at the time but just not for the long term. People pass through our lives for a reason.

Dancerinthemoonlight dinner and bowling is my sort of date! Enjoy it.

@misty I'm sorry, his behaviour is appalling. It says nothing about you and everything about him.

Thanks all. I think I'd gotten so used to his behaviour that I didn't see it anymore. I've got dd for a couple of hours so that's helping take my mind of things. Then a friend is taking me out for an early dinner. I've had it with dating...

@Dancerinthemoonlight that sounds like a great date idea to me!

@shitwithsugaron hope you don't feel shitty for too long - it's tough to walk away from a relationship, but better to do it now than later if you know it isn't right for you.

@Misty9 - sorry to hear that - he is a complete shit for treating you like that. Most people are better than this though, and it really isn't a reflection on you so try not to beat yourself up about it - you really do deserve so much better, and you will get it.

Don't let it put you off dating though - although when these kind of things happen it is sometimes good to take a break while you recover. But there are plenty of genuine guys out there, and it would be a shame if this twat makes you miss out on meeting one.

@Dancerinthemoonlight Bowling sounds like a lot of fun. Lots of opportunity for flirting too.

@shitwithsugaron Well done, even though it must have been tough. I totally agree with the concept of there being men who are there to teach us something, and there will be someone out there who is just right for him.

@misty9 No judging here. He sounds like an utter twat, but they have their ways of reeling us in. Take care of yourself today 💐

@Jane1978xx I totally understand your fears about deeper conversations. I think this is partly why me and Mr Coffee talk about work a lot. All I really have going on at minute is looking after DS3 and getting stressed out about custody issues with ex. I’m actually signed off work with stress this week and last but hardly want to talk to him about that!

Thanks for advice @Dancerinthemoonlight, @bangheadhere40, @Stuckinarut79 and @TheCatWithTheHat. It seems there isn’t a simple answer! I think if it was clear we were ‘dating’ and he didn’t reply I would write it off, but it’s such early days and he might not even know I see him like that.

I totally agree that ideally I would wait for him to message, as it was me that suggested the date and it’s his ‘turn’ to reply. In someways it would reassure me that he’s actually into me if he messaged, though actually he could still just be seeing it as networking!

I do want to see him in person though as I have totally over invested in him and need bringing down to earth a bit. I know if he can’t do Tuesday he’ll suggest some other days. Like many of us though, the fear of rejection or making a fool of myself is so strong!

Maybe I’ll leave it till tonight and ask casually in a ‘Making plans for the rest of the week’ way.

@treesinthewind that sounds like a good idea. I have watched a few of Matthew Husseys videos on YouTube and he suggests something similar along the lines of am I seeing you because if not I'd like to make other plans.
I have texted him suggesting bowling and waiting for him to get back to me. Not expecting to hear from him until later as he was out last night. Texts got a little suggestive but initiated by me.
Although Mr Runner suggested I have a wank and not to worry as he always delivers as I was having trouble getting to sleep. Im meant to be meeting him for the first time next weekend but I'm not sure I want to now. He apologized for the drunk texts last night but it creeped me out a little.

dancer in my book that was a rather gross suggestion for someone to make to a total stranger.

@tigerdater that's what I was thinking. It didn't even go that far with the suggestive texts to Mr Army. He thinks bowling sounds interesting so just need to arrange a day and a time now. It's easy with him to talk about things. Communication is something I have always struggled with

@Dancerinthemoonlight ewww inappropriate that would put me off going on a first date with him too! @Misty9 big hugs to you some 'men' (narcissists) can't deal with being dumped so they will reel you back in only to dump you it's classic narcissism, if you're not familiar with the delights of dealing with people with this particular personality disorder do read up on it! It's all about him and his ego and his personality disorder andnothing about you and certainly don't let this one bad experience put you off giving other men a chance with you

Afternoon all - joining the dating thread after a name change & my breakup playing out in another thread.

Just joined Badoo and regretting it instantly. Joining in the handhold with you all as we navigate dating

@Dancerinthemoonlight that is a bit too far and specifically suggestive. I’m ok with things like oh I’d warm you up or cheer you up etc

@jane1978xx they were the basis of my texts with Mr Army, couldn't sleep, feeling lonely in bed and he was saying don't tempt me and that I was making him want to come over. So suggestive but not lewed

@WhereDidAllTheFunGo welcome to the thread. Badoo is crazy. I've only tried it once. There seem to be lots on there who just want a penpal.

I've managed to injury myself this weekend. Nothing serious but I just need to rest. So I'm bored and have set up a Tinder profile. I decided to put my age as 49 but my real age (52) is in my bio.

@Dancerinthemoonlight yeah that’s ok I think personally or messages like it’s cold today and they say they’d warm you up or things about hugs and kisses etc but not them telling you to do Something 🤢

@EchoElephant I think a lot do that and put the younger decade. I’m 41 and if I joined again I’d be 39 🤣

I have just received a marriage proposal on POF. What really goes though people minds