Dating Thread 185. Rule 6 reminder - People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

[bangheadhere40]

The Rules: 1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin. 3. Do not invest emotionally too soon. 4. It's all BS until it actually happens. 5. Trust your gut instinct. 6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. 7. Know your worth. 8. If it's not fun, stop. 9. Loo update is mandatory. 10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps click here ** Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

simon well he’s not divorced yet so it’s a moot point, but no i don’t think he will be happy with not being married long term 😕. So logically we should end it now.

Bloody hell your alter ego is gorgeous simon!

So, say you were arranging coffee with someone for a week or so in advance (having asked them, and them saying “Yeah, definitely”). And they said “I can do Tuesday, Thursday or Friday” and you said “Anytime on Tuesday is good for me x” what would you expect the next step to be? He’s not someone who sends a lot of messages, though those he does are thoughtful. He has been continuing to like my tweets (which I am finding infuriating to be honest as I just want him to message me!) but we haven’t messaged for a week. I don’t want to chase if he isn’t interested in me, so am tempted to just hold out and see if he remembers/gets in touch to set a time/place. But he’s also super busy (is working and doing a PhD and volunteering) so it’s totally possible he could have forgotten and maybe I should message him?

@treesinthewind I'd text either today or tomorrow with a light message along the lines of if it's the first meeting. Looking forward to meeting you on Tuesday and asking for confirmation of the time. I don't think that looks like you are chasing him.

@trees...I would leave it and let him sort the time....even if I missed out. Wouldn't have used to but would now I think.

@bangheadhere40 have you spoken to mr Dumfries yet?

@shitwithsugaron sorry your still feeling like crap and things have gone a bit pear shaped, the whinging would annoy me as well but I have little patience!

@trees I’d leave it, I think you’ve done your bit it’s up to him to step up if he wants more than a professional acquaintance.

@stuck...no, and I'm having a few doubts....he is lovely but just not sure if we are compatible or if it's me. He's not very easy to talk to apart from superficial things, I did try having a more meaningful conversation but we always end up talking about the weather or tv so I gave up!!

I think he's just super chilled ( wish I could be), but would be nice if we could talk on a deeper level. Don't feel we are connecting that way!

I'm just not feeling he's that keen...or he's not saying he is 🤔 so I would rather leave it and see how things pan out than force anything. It's not coming naturally.....

@shitwithsugaron yep, it is tough when you start getting carried away. Looking back at my previous relationships, there's always been a small part of me that thinks I won't find anyone else better, so I've always ignored red flags and stuck with people when others would have walked away (prime example Miss Confusing!). And is also probably why I'm always the one who gets dumped.

It's tough to walk away from someone if you think they aren't right, so I hope you don't feel too bad about Mr List. Sometimes big events in our lives make you see things in a different light, and your head injury is certainly one of those. I'd be irritated if someone I was dating moaned about being tired all the time. And at this point in the start of a relationship, people are usually making an effort to be the best version of themselves, so if he's moaning about stuff like that now, then what's he going to be like in the future?

@Treesinthewind Was that the last message you sent him? If so, I would have expected a reply suggesting a time and place already. I don't think it will seem like you're chasing if you send him a follow up text after a week to confirm the time, but it's down to you whether you want to do that or just wait to see if he gets in touch.

Personally, if I was you I would feel a bit miffed and assume that the other person wasn't that bothered, but some people aren't that good at texting back so I wouldn't write someone off for that reason alone just yet.

I can't work out if this is a lame date idea. Getting a bite to eat and then going bowling. But making it into a friendly sort of competition like best 2 out if 3 and winner gets to choose a prize. Im planning the second date with Mr Army

Sounds like fun to me dancer. but then I don’t think you want to date me! Who is paying?

I was going to pay for at least bowling as my local does a late night offer of 3 games of bowling and a drink for £10.50 per person after 9

That’s probably a bargain but given you’ve felt a bit ripped off by irons in the past, suggest you stipulate that he pays for dinner

I think he would pay if I asked him to. He seems to have old fashioned values which I like. He will probably offer to pay so I will let him pay for dinner as a compromise. Already have date 3 planned with him. Either going for dinner or picking up a takeaway and watching the third 50 shades film in his room on base. Although it will probably end up with less watching and more snogging. That man can kiss like I have never been kissed before

@shitwithsugaron that’s a good way to look at it and you can remember all the good bits and his good qualities

@shitwithsugaron

Sorry to hear that @shitwithsugaron. I think once you've decided it's not going anywhere it's very hard to pretend otherwise. Hope you're ok x

Well done for recognising what you need though @shitwithsugaron I could have done with doing that... I'm in a crappy place and need a bit of a handhold. Please don't flame me, but I did end up going back to Mr ghost...it dragged on for a bit then he came round last night, we had sex, then he dumped me this morning. He left while I was in the shower and has now blocked me I feel a bit in shock at just how poorly I allowed him to treat me...and I'll be figuring out the reason he came into my life. For now, I just feel panicky and shit. It's a year today since I left my marriage. Great timing huh. I really don't want to be alone so am trying to find friends to hang out with this evening...

@shitwithsugaron well done for pulling the trigger quickly and I like the positives, he’s been good for you for right now and shown you what is possible with the right person, hope your ok.

@bangheadhere40 i can really relate, I think that’s where I’ll end up with mr scenery, the superficial stuff is good but the real stuff, like you I struggle to open up and need someone who can talk on a deeper level without it being hard work. Hopefully you can relax and enjoy what is.

@Misty9 I’m sorry to hear your in pain, he really is a shit, please delete all his numbers and block him so he can’t come back and do it again. You deserve so much better. I think finding friends to be with is a good idea, be gentle with yourself.

@Misty9 so sorry to hear that. I hope you manage to find some company for today.

misty such bad timing, that must really hurt 💐. And shitwith, yet more 💐 to you.