Dating Thread 185. Rule 6 reminder - People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

[bangheadhere40]

The Rules: 1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin. 3. Do not invest emotionally too soon. 4. It's all BS until it actually happens. 5. Trust your gut instinct. 6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. 7. Know your worth. 8. If it's not fun, stop. 9. Loo update is mandatory. 10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps click here ** Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@HairyArsedMan and @Eesha thanks - you're right in that part of it is that I miss what could have been as well as what we had, and also feel sad that it was scuppered by timing and her issues. Part of me though still feels that there is unfinished business there which I'm finding hard to ignore.

But I'm trying to look at Miss Haircut without rose-tinted glasses, and I do enjoy spending time with her - although there are a few things that aren't ideal. I'm also worried that I have a tendency to jump into a relationship with someone even if there are issues right from the start, so want to try and avoid making that mistake again.

@bangheadhere40 and @Lovemusic33 My last long term ex came from a council house background and had a low-paid job, and one of the first things she said was that she worried I would look down on her as I was "posh" in her words, and came from a slightly different background. It never crossed my mind - I liked her for her. Miss Confusing also had a really low-paid job and said she was intimidated by my job, and wondered why people would want to date her as her life was a mess. That didn't bother me at all either.

I've been on dates with supposedly high-flying women, and the majority have come across as quite snooty and not very down to earth. I'm sure some guys out there would be bothered by someone's background, but most won't and if your irons are wanting to spend time with you, it's because they like you for who you are.

So when you're feeling anxious, just remember - they like you because you are you!

@coffee43 don't be annoyed with yourself for getting caught up in the messages. It's something lots of us have done (or still do) especially if you've met them a couple of times and start to like them. Don't blame yourself though!

OLD is hard, especially if your self esteem has taken a bit of a bashing. It doesn't hurt to take a break sometimes to give you a bit of time to recover, or alternatively get back out there and see if you can find more irons to talk to.

@shitwithsugaron what part of it aren’t you feeling ? You seemed to be getting along well

@shitwithsugaron makes Sense if the meeting up seems like an effort (and driving that round trip to get him is an effort) and you aren’t feeling it then that is enough to not carry on IMO

Whoever asked about our jobs, I have an okay job and okay house....but not in his league.

His ex must be very clever ( think similar to a top lawyer). It's more the I must be stupid and boring than the money side 😀

@cat agree, and @shit I have also had a tendency to do that before and settle...which makes it harder when you meet someone you really are into, as it's different feelings!

I've just ended my subscription with match. They send way too many emails about twenty a day it's completely exhausting. Plus I get hundreds of likes yet none of the f*ers seem to want to actually have a conversation with me! The whole thing is just way too bizarre for me. I'm out!

@shitwithsugaron got you. He shouldn’t be tired from sitting on a train. Every adult is tired lol

shitwith I guess you have to go with your gut. Why does he choose not to drive? The only iron I had who didn’t drive turned out to have a drink-drive conviction 😡 explained why he tried to keep his surname from me too.

I think the whinging would get on my nerves. A lot of men do seem to go on about being tired a lot I’ve noticed. I actually read research that said women need more sleep than men do 😂

I dont think I could handle whingeing all the time. I'm thoroughly enjoying my weekend of solitude. I am intending to see mr confidendent when he is next free. I have decided to save the conversation of what we are for after I have been away as I'm going on a trip soon. See what happens after that.

@shitwithsugaron to me, it sounds like when things were at early stages and romantic and fun, it was great but you then had a serious hospital stay and things got tested. He possibly always whinged a bit but you might have overlooked it but now you are seeing things a bit differently as you have been through a lot yourself.

Agree whingeing is a massive turnoff. I’m sorry shitwith, you really have had a tough time recently 💐

Aw @shitwithsugaron. Sorry there are a few flags appearing...I guess it's quite normal to go into these things head first and then the little things become more and more apparent as things progress. Mr Ad is not perfect at all and he also loves an hour away and doesn't have a car (but can drive). I go to him more for this reason as trains are so expensive but my house is nicer, so it's a bit of a pain!

I have insured him on my car though so he has started doing a bit of driving when we are together, which helps a bit. I am a crap passenger though so I'd rather drive 😂

I think the whole point of this dating lark is to weed out whether you will feel like killing the other person or not. Usually I’m the same @shitwithsugaron that I will just start picking up on things that make me feel annoyed, usually they don’t just happen once either
But I know when I am hormonal or tired I feel this a lot more intensely
Sometimes people seem to whinge for something to talk about...

@shit for what it's worth I think you are doing the right thing and being strong for realising what you want.

@UtterSocks I normally rubbish peoples doppleganger suggestions, but I have to admit the likeness is uncanny, he also appears to be too miserable to smile. I know nothing about divorce, but would you be able to meet with some sort of mediator? Also, there’s no such thing as out of your league.

@Menora Me too, but we’re lucky not to have been married before and have the stress of divorce etc.

@TigerDater Is he happy not to get married?

@unambiguousbeard Don’t put yourself down, a job is just something to pay the bills, it doesn’t matter what you do to get paid.

@Peanutbuttermouth To be fair I wouldn’t expect to be mentioned to parents after 2.5 months, but if he’d suggested a meet and changed his mind that’s fine, but only if he actually explains it. MrNNs parents had never been introduced to anyone before, he was worried me being a parent and foreign (they want him to live in Sweden), I think it’s a difficult thing for a lot of people, from things he has said I do think me being a parent is a bit of an issue for them, but then he is only 27, so I can see why that would worry them.

@shitwithsugaron Is your head all okay now? Could it be related to you coming to terms with what has happened to you?

@sexy give it a go with Mr Belgium. Things just change so quickly OLD and it's a huge head fuck.

Thanks @bangheadhere40 I'm going to I really like and fancy Mr Belgium and this hardly ever happens to me and especially not with the online irons usually!!! I also have another new iron Mr Leeds who's keen to take me out to dinner as well my life has suddenly got interesting again!