Dating Thread 185. Rule 6 reminder - People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

[bangheadhere40]

The Rules: 1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin. 3. Do not invest emotionally too soon. 4. It's all BS until it actually happens. 5. Trust your gut instinct. 6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. 7. Know your worth. 8. If it's not fun, stop. 9. Loo update is mandatory. 10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps click here ** Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

thecat obviously there’s more to a relationship than just sex but it sounds to me like you really click with Miss Haircut sexually, so it’s got to be worth seeing where it goes from here.

Mr GN has said three times that he wants to marry me. I’ve made it clear that I can see no point whatsoever in such a thing, and that I will never be someone’s wife again. Makes me feel ill quite honestly.

No dates for me this weekend. Mr ski seems to be slowly slipping away from me, texting has dried up and I can’t be bothered to chase, same with Mr Snake, I sent him a few texts yesterday and received one word replies. Feels like I’m undatable, maybe boring or crazy?
All I’m getting on POF are “hi sexy” messages from men in their 20’s.

Went for drinks last night with someone from Fab. Getting on great, having a laugh when about 20mins in he says something about his girlfriend.
My profile is very clear that I don't meet anyone who is married or attached. But it's ok, he said, we're in an open relationship and we don't live together.
I finished my drink very quickly and left.
Time for a break, I think.

@TheCatWithTheHat It's not that long since the demise of your thing with Miss Confusing. It's difficult to avoid making comparisons at this point, I know rhat from experience of feeling a great spark with someone last year then dating when I was not as over it as I thought. Still if you must make comparisons make them over the entirety of your knowledge of Miss Haircut rather than just the spark you had. Is she non flaky ? More straightforward ? Is the sex more enjoyable ? And again if you must compare, look beyond Miss Confusing, can you look at how you and Miss Haircut are with respect to your other relationships before Miss Confusing. You'll get a more balanced idea of you and Miss Haircut perhaps.

No way I’m getting married again , I didn’t really want to the first time 🤦‍♀️. Don’t think I could even live with a man.

@TheCatWithTheHat lots of relationships are built on great physical chemistry so I think enjoy this time. Miss Confusing, regardless of her good traits, didn't give you what you wanted and you sound like you are pining for what could have been rather than what it actually was.

So I think my one iron, Mr Young, might be a no go. We were having text chat where he said how his ex had had an affair with her married boss for several years. Really awful situation but from what he wrote, he was clearly distraught so in my mind, not someone I'd think was ready to meet anyone new. The old me would want to be there, supportive etc as I think I gravitate towards helping others but I'm looking at this for what it is, a non starter.

Morning all.
Hope everyone with dates or not have a good weekend. Support to those struggling a bit.
I'm off this afternoon to Mr Ps for our second sleep over.
Bloody trains have been cancelled though so have to get a rail replacement bus....bleurgh.

And in typical me fashion, I have woke up feeling really nauseous!!! Don't know if it's a bug, nerves or my anxiety as my heart is beating fast too.
Really don't want to cancel but honestly you couldn't make it up, something always always happens to me when we try to get together!!!

I think that’s a good call eesha, excellent boundary-keeping!

Morning! I feel full of anxiety today and I don't know why...I'm not sure if it's a self sabotage thing or what. I'm at Mr Dumfries's still. He's lovely, but I find myself not knowing what to say convo wise though all the time. I also feel a little inferior...some post arrived to his ex who seems to still have mail delivered here 🤔 I had to look her up on Facebook and she's got an amazing job, a real high flyer....His house is like nothing I've ever seen too.

He is carefree, hobbies, no real ties...I'm just wondering what he sees in me...tied down with 2 kids, 1.5 hours away from him, quite a boring job, not a high flyer for sure.

I wish I could just enjoy the moment with him, but these doubts of not being good enough are creeping in, and that he will think I am, well, boring.

I can come across as maybe unfriendly when I feel like this so I would rather just talk to him as there are reasons why I act like this that not many people know.

I don't think that would go down well though so early on and would probably scare him off.

@shitwithsugaron I'm actually finding it quite easy to tell them apart and remember who's who.
Mr Army is clearly the front runner at the moment. He was named because he is in the army. He is also the shortest of them all at about an inch taller than me.
I'm letting things just slide with Mr Dimples because he is showing signs of controlling behaviour.
Mr Runner is the only white man out of all my irons so very easy to tell him apart from the rest. Although he is having second thoughts that I'm too far away.
Mr Smile is currently in second place but it's proving difficult to find somewhere to meet on Tuesday, think he is a drinker and I very rarely drink so don't have knowledge of local pubs.
Mr Carer is easy because he texts all the flipping time. It's really becoming irritable.
Can't remember if I named the other potential iron.

How is everything with Mr L?

It may scare him off bsnghead but currently you are scaring yourself off so it amounts to the same thing. probably the best thing is just to have the conversation? Remember, his ex is an ex for a reason.

He obviously sees something in you! Plus even if the ex is a high flyer something was clearly off. Try and just enjoy the time together? (Easier said than done I know!)

tiger yeah, I am scaring myself off...and am not appearing relaxed for sure.

It's not so much the ex, I won't mention that it's other stuff that's happened to me...so I have I guess a fear of intimacy, but I want him to know it's not him and why really.

I will try to talk tonight....it's maybe a bit deep so early on, but it's not letting me feel relaxed, my issue. Worried I will start crying if I talk though and not sure he will understand. Or I can just carry on with how I'm being and try and get through the weekend.

The book is making sense now and why I probably go for unavailable people myself with issues.

If I mess it up so be it!

Banghead I’m in the same situation with Mr Ski, his ex was a high flyer too and so is he, he’s obviously loaded, has many cars, a plane and probably a huge house, I’m petrified of him seeing my home (my council house), he knows what I do for work and knows I’m a carer to my 2 DD’s who have sn’s but I don’t feel good enough for him. He has messaged this morning asking if we are meeting next week, I’m meeting him Friday but I think I will find a way of talking myself out of it by then, his life style is so different to mine, I don’t see why he would want to be with me.

Shit I am on Tinder as well as POF, have had a few matches but most are too far away. I’m not overly bothered right now, I’m kind of waiting for the weather to get better as I’m just not into going to pubs and bars, prefer to be doing a activity or going for a walk on a date.

Morning all and happy weekend

Sorry to only ever post when I have a Mr C dilemma 😂 but I know I'll get sound advice on here.

I've been seeing Mr C around 2.5 months. We've said we love each other and can see a future together. His family are visiting this weekend, there was a vague plan for me to meet them. Last week we had our first falling out because I was 30 mins late to a date because I'd got wrapped up in something else which was fun and trivial and not a priority. He obviously was upset by this and pulled me up on it and I didn't respond very well and we fell out but almost immediately made up again. He then said it had made him rethink me meeting his family because he thought I wasn't as sure about him as he is about me, and basically uninvited me.

Initially I thought this was fair enough but then I dug a little deeper and it turns out he hasn't even told his family about me. Now I'm getting the feeling, an intuition, that it's because I'm a single parent and he's not sure how they'll react.

What would you think in this situation and how would you deal with it?

@bangheadhere40 @lovemusic try not to think about lifestyles, exes just focus on the connection and whether you enjoy being together. I can identify with what you’re saying because I am ‘just’ a ‘boring’ mum and I can’t just drop everything for a weekend away but Mr R is happy to just watch TV and stay in for cuddles when dc are in bed. It’s coming up to ten months and even though I have nothing in common with Mr R we want the same things and are in a similar life stage. A couple of men I dated went out with very successful, attractive women but the relationships didn’t work and I am confident that I have other good qualities those women don’t. On the subject of lifestyle I have a wealthy ex and a good lifestyle but I would never judge a man for living in a council house or not having as much money. As long as it’s clean and a home that should be what matters. Any man who does judge you for your house doesn’t deserve you.

@lovemusic horrible isn't it, I'm sure he won't judge you on your house..try not to talk yourself out of it if you get on in other ways. Have you been to his house?

It's also my baggage...I have a bad situation with my family and he has the perfect relationship with his parents etc.

He's going to think I'm a nightmare if I talk to him about why I am like I am. If I don't though I can come across as aloof and unfriendly, because I'm not relaxed, and he could perceive me as not bothered.

Ah, if I get it in my head he will probably be put off then nothing to lose.

@lovemusic33 my guy is a high flyer, I am a single parent to 2, low income, living in an ex-council house (mortgaged but he's never asked so I reckon he's presumed I'm a council/HA tenant) yet all he's ever said is how much respect and admiration he has for me for living the way I do. He knows that various men in my life have caused me difficulty and he is impressed by how I've overcome it.

@bangheadhere40 I often feel like this too, I find the anxiety is tied to my cycle. Some days I feel like I'm a fascinating energetic superwoman and other days I feel like I'm a slug 😂 I've explained this to Mr C and blamed it mainly on my cycle so as not to make it too deep (even though there is also a huge backstory I didn't feel comfortable sharing it early on although now he's had snippets)

@peanut I think mine could be tied to my cycle too..some days I'm fine. I guess I could say that....so as to not get too 'deep' 😀

Please can anyone read my post ^ and give me advice on Mr C, he's sending pics of his family and all I want to ask is whether he's told them about me yet!!