Dating Thread 185. Rule 6 reminder - People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

[bangheadhere40]

The Rules: 1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin. 3. Do not invest emotionally too soon. 4. It's all BS until it actually happens. 5. Trust your gut instinct. 6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. 7. Know your worth. 8. If it's not fun, stop. 9. Loo update is mandatory. 10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps click here ** Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Ha no it doesn't trump soup. I don't actually like Mr U's soup though. That's not a euphemism.

Im not meeting either of them. Mr U will say he doesn't want sex but we won't be able to keep our hands off each other. And I feel too rough. And I think the foot guy wants a hook up. And I don't. I will stay in bed swiping everyone and watching tv and sending live updates to the thread.

If he were Tarantino is let him have my feet. Just for the anecdote

@unambiguousbeard some men are far more attractive in real life than pics. See who you get

Part of me never wants to go back ok Tinder again but the other part wants to have a mad swiping session just out of curiosity!

I won't though as I have my Mr Ad 😊

In don't really go on looks though @Jane1978xx I go more on style/bio. I fancy many different types of men and I can safely say the only good looking one I've had was exH.

Ah @Sunshineandflipflops it's terrible out there! Don't get swipe envy. Remember the parade of faces you wouldn't want to even consider going anywhere near kissing...

Ok guys, well I am still here, still stressed and sad and ex is hassling me to ‘talk’ about divorce and I am actually scared to speak to him. A man I spent over 20 years with who is the father of my kids. I feel quite desperate and have been unable to focus on work all day (which means I will have to do it at the weekend).

However I have googled Alvise Rigo and can now tell you all that @SimonJT is obviously ridiculously hot!!!

@unambiguousbeard who is your date and why do you think he is a foot fetishist? and are you taking up MrU on his offer of soup and sympathy (not shagging)?

I have spent a lot of time on trains this week and been swiping in a sort of resigned fashion, despite not believing I will ever get anywhere with this, but now seem to have a date with MrLawyer (sadly not a divorce lawyer) but could equally call him Mr Baggage as he has rather a lot going on. But he seems like he would be nice to talk to, so agreed to a drink next week after work. He is attractive but I don’t find him gorgeous like MrScience, who I am convinced is out of my league, so am playing it safe here, am not going to overinvest. Or even medium-invest.

Thank you all for your lovely support. Divorce combines the 4 horsemen of my personal apocalypse- the ex, conflict, paperwork and financial insecurity. It is a perfect storm of horror and you are all helping me just by being here x

Oh and also I realise I miss seeing MrMedia, despite not fancying him. I just like him so much as a friend, but I guess that is not why he was on Bumble!

And I saw the original MrMedia again this week (now on Bumble, was Tinder) and again almost swiped right thinking ‘he’s hot’ then remembered the teeth!!! And squeaky voice. So I know nobody is what they seem ... now worried no teeth shots of MrLawyer!

Going to PM you @UtterSocks

Do I have to reply to all these matches? There's about 15 now.

No! You can keep them in a holding pen till the others disappoint and then do it 😂

They're all messaging though.., and new ones popping up.. it's like the sodding sorcerers apprentice...

@UtterSocks Stop with the out of your league stuff. If you like him and he likes you that's a good basis for progress. I can guarantee he won't be thinking of leagues. I can't remember what the story is with him though and whether it's complicated ?

I found separation required trade offs, and I reduced conflict by not arguing over the financial side. The last thing I wanted was a continuation of arguing and disagreement played out in front of my son In the end I rationalised it that I will be dead at some point and so will my ex and so beyond that my son will be the beneficiary of the financial sacrifices. It's the bit where I'm alive that's tough but still it's one less thing to worry about.

It does sound like fun unsmbiguous! But at the risk of droning on, lovely Mr Mad looked rubbish in his pic and for some reason wrote a dull and badly spelt bio but in reality he is, well, lovely, clever, funny and completely bonkers. Sigh.

uttersocks goodness me I feel for you re the horsemen, especially paperwork. Please reach out for help as much as you feel able. And good news, I hope, about the date 😃

@UtterSocks I'm dreading the divorce bit (if it ever happens.. I refuse to apply I didnt end the marriage he did. I had to contact him today infact annoyingly and now he wants to come round? I have said he can but I dont intend to be here when he does. I do need him to pick up the rest of his crap though.

People wanting to WhatsApp.....when do you do that generally, and why would (men) people want to WhatsApp rather than chat on the app? Am I super suspicious of everyone, or am I right to not swap numbers?

I swap numbers all the time. I hate chatting on the apps. Plus. I can always block numbers if need be.

I had a third date with Miss Haircut last night, and she stayed over again after dinner. I really don't know what's happened, but I have suddenly become amazing in bed! I'm normally a sprinter rather than a marathon runner, but with her we just click really well sexually, and I'm feeling the pain today due to lack of sleep!

I'm still not quite sure what I feel about her - I'm not over Miss Confusing for sure as I'm feeling a little down and thinking about her today, but Miss Haircut is definitely growing on me. Other than the lack of Miss Confusing levels of spark, everything else is good. But there's a little voice in my head that is ruling her out, and I'm not sure whether to listen to it or not.

We haven't had any discussion about whether we're seeing each other exclusively, but I'm losing interest in using the apps now, and it doesn't really feel right going on dates with other women, so I would be quite happy to come off them while we figure out what we're doing.

I also had a birthday very recently, and noticed that I got a load of likes on Tinder that day. Maybe the age changing puts you at the top of the list as you enter their age bracket - has anyone else noticed that?

@TheCatWithTheHat I turned 41 and matched with Mr Ad within a few days. Turns out he had his lower age limit set to 41 so
as soon as I entered his stack he swiped on me! I think that's what made him show up
on mine as he was out of my distance preference but I liked the look of him anyway and swiped!

@Dazedandconfused10 I feel the same re: divorce. Separated over 2 years now but as he had the affair, I refuse to shoulder the stress and financial burden of the divorce. I think I'll be waiting forever for him to do
It but I'm not intending to get married again so doesn't really bother me.

@Mylifestartstoday i rarely give my number out but it's because I find myself overinvested if we don't continue to chat! I prefer staying on the apps but I guess some men might suspect catfishing hence prefer whatsapp.

@Sunshineandflipflops I dont think I will get married again either. I'm not sure I'll manage a long term relationship to be honest. Every guy I have ever dated has cheated on me so I have sort of lost faith!

@mylifestartshere it's kind of dating app etiquette. Moving to WhatsApp. I was really suspicious at first but it's just easier to message there than in the apps. And it's a bit like making a statement of intent. It's like a predate step if that makes sense. I think also psychologically you're not having to go back into the app and see all the other irons. If they behave badly it's just as easy to block them. I only give out my number if I think I'm going to agree to a date.

I've hidden myself on tinder now. Out of that mega 21 plus matches this evening I've whittled it down to 1. Who I matched with before. Mr maracas. Mr baggage is on a yoga retreat and messaging me from there. Mr artist has dropped off since I saw his Instagram pix yesterday. Or since he saw mine. So I'm down to two. And a lovely guy in turkey. Which is a bit pointless.

In the midst of arranging date 2 and 3 with Mr Army. Some really flirty texts this evening.
Meeting Mr Smile for a drink on Tuesday evening, I feel a bit bad about him travelling to see me when Mr Army has most of my attention at the moment.
Mr Runner wants to meet up for a coffee So going to find a time to suit both of us.
New iron today who I will call Mr Carer but he is beginning to irritate me as he wants to text or voice note seemingly every second of the day. I get that he has a lot of time as he is his mum's carer but I'm currently off work and don't have that much spare time. It's got to the point where I'm just not reading them as if I read and don't respond he will send another message.
A potential iron is going to message me when he gets back to the UK on Monday so that could be another potential date.
I have never had this many irons on the go at once and I'm beginning to feel guilty that they might be interested in me and I have more than 1 first date. Any tips?

Morning guys. Hope any dates went well last night!

Don’t feel bad about having too many irons 😂 enjoy it? You aren’t doing anything wrong!!

I’ve got my sisters small kids and my own, and Mr M has all of his kids so we are just sending each other groggy texts about how little sleep we have had.

I’m hoping my period will be over by Sunday so I can get some action but we may both be way too tired 😂

I’ve never been married so I would get married I think
It would have to be something really special but a teeny tiny wedding