Dating Thread 185. Rule 6 reminder - People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

[bangheadhere40]

The Rules: 1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin. 3. Do not invest emotionally too soon. 4. It's all BS until it actually happens. 5. Trust your gut instinct. 6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. 7. Know your worth. 8. If it's not fun, stop. 9. Loo update is mandatory. 10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps click here ** Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

The silent sex is a funny one. Mr Photography is quiet. I found it very disconcerting the first time having been used to quite a lot of dirty chat with others. I was over there again last night. Sex is definitely improving although a bit too much ' banging' for my liking. But it's been a very pleasant addition to the last few weeks. Saw my ex Mr Print yesterday for a coffee. Don't think I fancy him any more. But he'd make a really good life partner. He loves all the organising of holidays and very supportive in the more mundane stuff.The one and only guy i responded to on Fab is in a relationship. I don't think I should pursue anything. But he seems a mixture of pleasantly normal but clearly horny. Chatting a small amount on kik ATM. Iron from Tinder Mr Property seems keen but he's at the upper end of my age range 58 ( and looks it on his photos so might actually be 60+) age is a number but I definitely want someone young at heart and healthy if he's a few years older than me.
Sending love and positive thoughts to anyone feeling slightly at odds with life at the moment. Remember nothing stays exactly the same forever. Things will ease and improve. We have more strength than we realise sometimes. Paraphrasing someone famous and clever " all things will pass".

The silent sex would put me off more than the cuddly toys. Struggling to think of a reason for a dirty house though- I'm not a tidy person by nature but my house is pretty clean.
I can't seem to control myself re noise when dtd

I'm not very quiet in bed so find it a bit odd when someone is . But I've not had years of house shares or having to be mindful others so that might have a part to play.

My first partner, after my marriage ended, was very vocal during sex. Lots of dirty talk and appreciative noises. Taught me to enjoy sex again. Sadly he was a love-bombing cheat.

Last night I was erm...vocal but got a bit put off by his silence. My needs were met very well and he said after that he enjoyed himself. But I think I need a FWB that is more compatible in bed.

Mr Young, that I met last week, had an immaculately clean house, no cuddly toys and wasn't silent. But his availability is very limited

@Dancerinthemoonlight glad your date went well last night.

Finally finally got to the kissing bit with mr scenery last night, he dropped me home and said shall we try a kiss then! I was fully prepared for awkward, brief etc took me by surprise completely, 20 minutes of intense, passionate kissing!! Definitely really weird kissing someone new for the first time in over a decade, and minimal kissing in the last 6 years or so, but I was just blown away by quite how confident, assertive it was, might have a bit of lip chaffing this morning! Hormones have definitely kicked in, I can feel I’m anxious needy, not seeing him again till next Wednesday, which is probably a good thing, though he did end the night by reiterating he’s really busy the next few weekends (which we’d talked about) but then he’d have a bit more time, not sure I will but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it!

Messy I can life with, my house has more stuff than fits in it tidily! But it’s clean, my stbxh flat when I met him was disgusting, I used to joke that if I’d seen it before I’d fallen for him I’d have walked away, but wasn’t so funny having lived together! So definitely a red flag for me, but I’m talking more toilets and simple things like closing wardrobe drawers, he used to leave his underwear drawer open because he couldn’t see the point of closing it to open it again the next day!!! So dirty toilets and laziness are a big no no to me!
Quiet sex would probably freak me out as well. Cuddly toys it would depend on how many and where, my youngest still sleeps with me so I’m used to cuddly toys all over the place, but a shelf full or more than one on the bed would be a bit weird! But will remember to remove them all if I get to the stage of having mr scenery over!

@stuck glad you had a nice time, and you have another date planned. What a surprise about the passionate kissing, and I can't believe he waited 5 days, sounds worth it though!

5 dates not days!

@shit glad you are home now, he has probably been stressed with you being in hospital and his DM, hopefully things will get more back to normal for you.

sorry to everyone whose having a hard time right now.

So jealous of all the loved up and smitten stories. wish it was me. ❤

Once again ive gone from a few irons to none! one wanted a date but I just wasnt feeling it so cancelled. dont want to waste his time. another seemed nice, good job, local but hasnt text in a few days. other is only interested in a hook up it seems! mr driver has ghosted! I've been asked to meet by a local guy who has messaged on and off for a bit, no sleazy chat or anything, seems genuine but I'm just not attracted to him, I feel kinda bad, he says he just has to accept hes ugly and no one meets him.

only person I'm talking to is miles away. Mr ireland. he says I seem like the only normal on on the app and he seems to want the same things I do. why are the good ones always so far away? 😕

an old online friend I made through OLD/online forums years ago years ago told me last night he has thought of texting me to see if I'd like to meet up. he is in a relationship that is touch and go at the minute apparently.

lots of offers. none of them right 🙁

Oh I'm a quiet one None of my cuddly toys ever said it was a problem. In fact they were quite silent about it.

Sorry I joke when the topic is sex. I have wondered if my quietness brought about a sense of inhibition for my partner and I would hate for them to be feeling that. I'm not anti-noise in the slightest. It (quietness) is just my way of concentrating in the moment. On balance though I do like sex where you've both got it down to a tee and things are unspoken, and just felt, in terms of muscle tension, touch, racing pulses and breathlessness.

Glad you're out and about @shitwithsugaron. I'm sure you've been given care instructions. I gave myself a concussion this time last year but I was foolish and didn't go to the hospital and then struggled with fluorescent lights for a while (made the room spin).

@shitwithsugaron glad your feeling better and home. Good your looking forward to seeing mr L but hopefully you’ll address some of what you were feeling yesterday and have a conversation with him about it.

I’m getting jealous of everyone’s sex stories. I haven’t slept with anyone since October/November, having lots of issues with random bleeding which my gp is trying to sort so I haven’t got the confidence to sleep with anyone .

Mr Ski wants to see me again next week, I’m a little unsure, I think he’s actually older than he says and the age he says he is (49) is at the top of my age range so if he is say 55 it would be a no for me.

@Lovemusic33

I have loads of giant fibroids I have only just got them under control really with the bleeding via a lot of medication. It is shit when you have a load of gynae stuff going on. I didn’t have sex for about 2 years and I’ve been really honest with M about my crazy womb 😂

@shitwithsugaron Admittedly my concussion was self diagnosed. Yes, Miss Outing is the name. It seems we're both fairly cautious but there is an undeniable attraction even though we've only managed a couple of dates this month. But I can live with messaging dropping a bit as she has asked me to stay over at the next convenient weekend. I've said I can't wait I would be delighted to. So I would say things are progressing at a pace the thread would approve of

Just catching up. Hope you're feeling much better now @shitwithsugaron and yay for your passionate kisses @Stuckinarut79! Love a good long snog, one of the things I miss about being single although tbh there wasn't much for the last few years with stbxh!

Following the silent sex chat with interest. Mr Repeat is my first ever silent partner 😂 Literally never happened before and I am pretty vocal so was a bit anxious in all honesty. Both times we've dtd he's been silent, I don't like loads of chat but I do need to know they're enjoying it. I mean I could tell he was and everything worked well for both of us but I felt a bit self conscious with the lack of noise!

I'm a bit fed up at the moment. Mr Repeat has been chatty and I do like/fancy him but he's just not very committed about plans. He asked if I wanted to go to the cinema this Saturday. I said yes, all good. Then last night I asked if he still wanted to as I know he's been busy with work and we hadn't made firm plans. He said yes he did still want to but he's really behind so isn't sure if he'll be able to. Just makes me feel a bit like he's not that interested.

The other iron I had Mr Finance has totally disappointed, lots of messages and mentions of meeting up and then I haven't heard a word for over a week and I'm not messaging again so that's that.

Quite a few messages on Tinder but no one feels right really.

@EchoElephant The silence thing is a bit odd, but then I thought about it. Not sure how to word this, bit awkward. But thinking about it when I have sex with MrNN he’s fairly noisy and I’m quiet, yet when he has sex with me he’s very quiet and I’m not, found the same thing happened with my ex, at first anyway, it changes when you’ve been having sex a while. So could it be a bit of a general man thing?

@shitwithsugaron I’m pleased you’re home, hospitals are the worst place for sleep/rest in general. While it isn’t an excuse lots of people can act like a bit of an arse when stressed

Thanks shitwith glad you’re feeling better.

Ah@SimonJT I do love your perspective. When a man and woman have sex they do it at the same time...

(Teasing. I think we all get your drift....)

Mr U was the first silent man I've come across. But as discussed previously (see post course showering) he's very very repressed. He's good at sex though. Not that I'm going to go back. Most men like to show a bit of appreciation. I'm quite (very) noisy and I suspect women are generally. Love a bit of verbal encouragement/ direction

Mr P is definitely not quiet ! He provides a full running commentary and lots of enthusiasm

@shitwithsugaron yes I have heard from him today. Going to leave it a day or.so.and ask if he wants a second date.
Have a few other irons on the go but no dates with them yet.
Slight amber/red flag from Mr Dimples last night. He sent me a message while I was out and I didn't see it until a lot later and he got really pissed off because I took hours to reply. I have been on one date with him and he is acting like this. He apparently wants a second date but not until I'm fully healed and back driving. So much for not expecting me to do all the travelling