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Original poster

Dating Thread 185. Rule 6 reminder - People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

999 replies

bangheadhere40 · 24/02/2020 10:08

The Rules: 1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin. 3. Do not invest emotionally too soon. 4. It's all BS until it actually happens. 5. Trust your gut instinct. 6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. 7. Know your worth. 8. If it's not fun, stop. 9. Loo update is mandatory. 10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps click here ** Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

OP posts:
Menora · 27/02/2020 07:58

It probably would bother me I am really clean and tidy but I am not the norm 😂

BatshitCrazyWoman · 27/02/2020 08:01

Utter I agree with Sorting - instructing a solicitor and taking control may make you feel better. No solicitor can guarantee anything - my divorce was high-conflict and went to court. The judge decides then. Don't listen to your soon to be exh as you aren't on the same 'side' anymore and he can't just decide to take everything as that's not how it works.

OLD can be brutal and you definitely need to be in the right headspace for it. Be kind to yourself Flowers

BatshitCrazyWoman · 27/02/2020 08:03

I'm a neat freak and clean. And hate silent sex 😂 It'd be a no from me. The cuddly toys would tip me over the edge 😂😂😂

Marlboroandmalbec34 · 27/02/2020 08:18

Eeek no. I’m not a clean freak but I think if there is a chance of someone been in your home you should clean it. The silent sex and teddy’s would also be a no from me

unambiguousbeard · 27/02/2020 08:18

Mr U was totally silent during sex. Freaked me out first of all esp as I like a bit of chat. But he pointed out that he's a quiet person so he's also quiet in bed. Which made me realise he'd been asked about it before. Probably repeatedly. But yeah a bit of signalling of how it's going/if it's appreciated is always good.

Some good advice re the divorce @uttersocks. Sounds like you need to take control of the process. You're the main earner(am I right?) so decide you have him by the balls not the other way round. Thanks

Notcoolmum · 27/02/2020 08:23

@echoelephant sounds like he put his cleaning effort into the rooms he expected you to be in. You can tell he difference between not wipes/hoovered today and never ever bother I think. We're the soft toys on his bed?

Hope you are feeling brighter today @uttersocks I'd have Botox in the blink of an eye if I could afford it. Sadly my bank is less than empty.

Lovemusic33 · 27/02/2020 08:26

Men are never going to clean their whole house for a FB/FWB, more likely just to tidy their bedroom. Your there for a shag not to eat so I wouldn’t worry too much, if he offered you a sandwich afterwards just decline 🤣

Jane1978xx · 27/02/2020 08:35

@UtterSocks I’ve not been and got any legal advice 🤦‍♀️ I’ve told my ex what I think he can have by working out how much the house has gone up etc. He has some shall we say tax irregularities so if he wants to go to court he can but he’ll have to show all his records.

Menora · 27/02/2020 08:39

Oh no I don’t like silent sex either!

Lovemusic33 · 27/02/2020 08:45

Silent sex would put me off too, I like to know they are enjoying it and I like to know I’m doing things right. I guess it can be a bit awkward to begin with, I am a bit shy so probably quiet until I have got to know someone a bit better. Maybe in time he will come out of his shell a bit?

Notcoolmum · 27/02/2020 08:49

Silent sex as in he made no noise. Or he didn't talk? I don't mind no talking but no noise at all i wouldn't like.

EchoElephant · 27/02/2020 08:49

I'm not obsessively clean and tidy but I wouldn't want anything to eat from his kitchen. This was more than just a few crumbs from today's cooking.

The cuddly toys were displayed in his bedroom. Probably souvenirs from somewhere. But it looked like the Finding Nemo display in a Disney store.

As I'm trying to find one, maybe two FWBs then I don't think he's right for me.

EchoElephant · 27/02/2020 08:51

Notcoolmum no noise at all.
I don't mind no talking but a few moans and groans are helpful.

Dazedandconfused10 · 27/02/2020 09:22

So I have just had 48 hours (minus work) of time with my current iron. It's been fun, I think even if its a fwb type situation I'll be happy with that for now. I don't need to jump into anything serious and we just seem to click so I'm going to let things continue naturally. I am looking forward to a weekend alone to just be on my Todd. I like my own company and need a little break from the world now.

I've deleted the old app I was using as I just dont see the need for it right now.

Original poster
bangheadhere40 · 27/02/2020 09:33

The dirt and the cuddly toys would put me off more than the silent sex!

OP posts:
supercali77 · 27/02/2020 10:24

Dirt. Toys and silence. Just. No. No thank you.

Original poster
bangheadhere40 · 27/02/2020 10:30

Mr Dumfries was pretty silent the first 2 times, the last time though he came out with a bit of filth, nearly fell off the bed....I think he's just shy though, and it is improving.

I once had an iron years ago who's house was awful, filthy, the bathroom was above the kitchen table and the floor boards were missing so when I went to the toilet he could actually see up. I never saw him again after the first 'house' date.

OP posts:
Sunshineandflipflops · 27/02/2020 10:38

Mr Ad lives in a house share at the moment, which is 5 men so as clean and tidy as he is, he can't control the shared areas and the kitchen is usually pretty dirty.
The bathroom is not ideal but ok but he keeps his own room clean so that's the main thing. I am a clean person so I've told him one weekend I'm going to give the bathroom and kitchen a good clean. I know it won't stay that way for long but it will make me feel better while I'm there!

Sunshineandflipflops · 27/02/2020 10:39

He's also not the most noisy in bed but is getting more vocal! I certainly know when he finishes 😂

Notcoolmum · 27/02/2020 10:58

@Sunshineandflipflops please don't clean his kitchen and bathroom!!

Jane1978xx · 27/02/2020 11:04

Oh yes don’t clean. I take plates and glasses to kitchen that’s my limit

Sunshineandflipflops · 27/02/2020 11:12

It would be for me, not him!

Menora · 27/02/2020 11:13

I am always cleaning! Mr M likes to be tidy I think but he’s not as tidy as me. I always have clean towels and bedsheets and clean the bathrooms all the time and clean the kitchen every day fold all my clothes up tidy and Hoover most days Blush

Menora · 27/02/2020 11:16

Neither me and M are quiet in bed 😂

Menora · 27/02/2020 11:18

@Dazedandconfused10

I also have always loved my own space
I have agreed to babysit my Dsis kids all weekend so absolutely NO spare time for me until Sunday night 😭