Aw thanks everyone for the kind comments. I am just properly low at the moment. I do have a lot of friends, I am lucky with that, I've always had tons of friends (you get really good at building a support network in an unhappy marriage when you have no family of your own), but I feel that, apart from a couple of exceptions I have known since childhood, who both live miles away and have their own families, that they don't want to hear my problems unless I parcel them up in an amusing story, and they certainly don't want to hear my insecurities. And of course they shore me up and tell me I am fantastic, but it's not the same as having someone who is just a partner and there for you. (Not that I'd know, my marriage was 21 years of intolerance and barely concealed resentment). Or even just someone decent who fancies you and occasionally says something nice or does something kind. As if you are a person worth treating nicely.
@Sortingitout you are right, the divorce has blindsided me. Ex has his sister and live-in girlfriend and all the free time in the world to rinse me for everything. I can't sleep for worrying about it (and thanks @Jane1978xx as well for offering PM support - I have spoken to 5 solicitors so far who have all said different things and my head in is bits!)
I have an ungrateful DD at home who never washes a dish, a job which stresses me to fuck and zero time and no support. Ex-iron Mr Media sends me some pointers via WhatsApp and Mr Rugby has sent some nice texts, but I'm not about to become his 'baggage', he is 7 years younger and has never been married, he doesn't need that. And I know he's not for me anyway so not going to take the piss and just use him.
I do take everyone's point about needing to take time and wait until things are calmer. And I will because I feel too fragile to do anything else. But, I am 52 now (I also put 49 on the apps @unambiguousbeard, after an unfruitful venture into GSM aged 50 where only grandads liked me) and I think if I leave it much longer I am never going to get anywhere. To be fair, before I started this I thought (and friends kindly went along with the delusion) that I was fairly attractive for my age. Now I am starting to look in the mirror and hate the lines, it's like every one of them is reducing my chances of anyone ever fancying me again, no matter how much time I spend in the gym. I have even seriously considered Botox as I have a forehead like fucking Sid James.
But for two years after my ex walked out, I didn't care, I was just enjoying not having a miserable twat in my house and being able to have friends around and stuff without him glaring at them, and being able to come home from work and not sit in the car on the street for 30 minutes steeling myself to go in and face his moods. But when you start this, you sort of get your hopes up and it reminds you that you would actually like someone to like you, and to give you physical affection, and I actually wish I'd not bothered. I didn't realise it would be this impossible, that so many of them are so disappointingly different from their profiles, or dickheads, or that the rare ones I would start to fall for would end up unavailable or liars (says the woman who is 36 months older than her profile).
Aaagh, I am so miserable I am pissing myself off now. Sorry for clogging up the thread. I am off to bed as up at 6.00am for work and a 5 hour commute to meetings and back. Again!
@shitwithsugaron hope you feel better soon lovely, And @unambiguousbeard, hope one of your irons works out but maybe not Mr Baggage? (if anyone fancied me they would be calling me Mrs Baggage and I wouldn't date me, so... 
)