anyone up so angry i can hardly breathe need advice

[neverfeltthisdown23]

is anyone up to talk to before i loose the fucking plot ....
bit of background....
my partner and i have a baby he also has an older son ( teenager ) his sons mother is a cocaine addict ( with 3 children ) and an all round nightmare, shes threatened me countless times and he hasnt let me report it incase she gets cross n stops him seeimg his son,
threatened to come smash my face in infront of my kids
she doesnt like me as thier son was vile to my daughter for months n months with me asking them to do something about it and them saying she was lying a crybaby and roxanne pallett!!!
anyway this nastiness culminated in thier son stealing my daughters dirty knickers not once but twice and apparently her calling the police on her own kid ( although i never heard off the police at all )
since then he has been seeing his son away from the house taking him on treat days out but NEVER have any of the other kids been allowed to be included even his own baby brother...
i have kicked off that he never takes the baby anywhere and i mean anywhere while i work and he should be allowed on trips to find out tonight from his mum that the ex has banned our baby from going on any of the days out incase i accuse her son of being a peadophile
WTF!!!!!
how fucking dare he pretty much neglect his own baby on the say so of his ex?
are they actually concerned that the kid might do something to my baby?
he hasnt come home tonight hes at his mums i have sent him a message saying if she has that much control over him to get him to mistreat his own baby then he can decide which one he has in his life now his baby or his ex
just bagging up all his stuff to leave out in the rain...dont think ill sleep tonight so any advice welcome :)

Hang on....how old is your daughter? The one whose knickers he stole? AND how old is the teenage boy?

WHY would you WANT your baby to go on a trip with a teenage boy who stole dirty knickers!????

Considering his son stole your daughters dirty underwear I would be concerned that he's a danger to your children, actually.

If the ex is a cocaine addict why hasn't she had the children removed?

I don't think it's an unreasonable request to expect him to treat his children equally. How often does he see the teenager?

Does he not look after your son on his own at all, or is it just that he refuses to take him out with the teenager?

Sounds like you would be better off without him.
Do not let him have access to your children without a court order.

my daughter is 12 the boy is 13.... i want the baby to be included as i work and hes my childcare and all week he does nothing with the baby but sit in the house all week then takes his older son to nice places
wtf has the baby done wrong?
he did nothing when she said she was on her way to rip my face off when i was on my own with the baby wouldnt even let me call the police
did nothing when his son stole the knickers as apparently she had called the.police n he had been spoken to n told it was normal teenage hormonal behaviour
the police never spoke to me or my daughter and the first opportunity the boy was back in the house he did it again

He stole your DD’s dirty knickers and you’re upset that your DP won’t take your kids to spend time with him?!

Seriously OP. Call social services. Your do is a walking nightmare as is his family. I'd keep my DC's well away from them. Don't give a fuck if he fathered them.
Take responsibility for your own children

I agree you primary concern should be what's going on with your daughter and his son not your baby. Your baby doesn't know any difference. There could be something going on with your daughter. Alarm bells are ringing

anyone know how these things work if a report was made would they speak to my child? she was very upset that the police apparently told him it was ok ( which im sute they didnt as im sure they were never called ) she doesnt know about the 2nd time as was away at her dads and i didnt want her to be upset
it frightens me how much control this woman has over him that she can tell him what to do with his own baby and he agrees!
yes she is a cocaine addict there are also photos of her online on a prostitution website and the son has admitted to his grandparents he has caught her snorting cocaine in the middle of the night but dont tell anyone and if they do he will just lie to protect her
the whole family r either drug addicts or the male members all in prison for sex offences

First of all calm down.

Let’s look at this logically.

Clearly your partner’s son has issues. He’s obviously a handful/ very troubled and his dad is trying to make an effort with him, whilst keeping his other family safe by the sounds of it. This is particularly true if mum is an addict as you say. Your husband is trying to give his son some stability. That’s good. It’s good it’s away from the other children too.

You are frustrated as your husband is focused on this older child. You feel somehow he’s making the choice of his ex’s child over yours. This isn’t true though. The children are separate to their parents. This is not about your partners closeness to his ex.

Now, of the issue that your partner is not providing your joint children with attention, that’s a fair request. Rather than attack him with the ‘comparison’ to his own son and rather than bring the ex into this...could you not just calmly explain that dad needs to bond with all children, so a bit of time here and there is important. Maybe this could be done in the family environment...bathing the children; reading bedtime stories etc

It’s possibly to sort this without resorting to black bags on the doorstep. So take a step back and use this evening to think about the best way to move forward.

All the best.

You’re not coming across well here op.

The 13 year old boy clearly has problems and if his mum is a violent drug addict then I also feel really sorry for him. Has anyone contacted social services?

As a mum your first instinct should be to keep your children safe. It is probably better at the moment to allow your partner to see his son without your children present. The boy clearly needs his dad too.

Your children have 2 parents who live with them.

Also if your partner has the baby all week then I think it’s fair that he gets to spend time with his other son alone.

He is obviously controlled by his ex as far as his son is concerned, it’s a tough one but not sure I would want them to mix. I understand your anger but you only have his mothers word. Why don’t you contact his ex directly, try and meet for a coffee or something and find out her side of the story. He could of course be trying to protect your children in a weird way.

im not upset the baby cant go to see thier son no im upset that he never ever takes the baby ANYWHERE all week while im at work but nice trips out at the weekend none as a family only his son is ever allowed and im concerned that his mum has told me the ex is worried ill accuse him of being a paedophile and can dictate where my baby goes n doesnt go plus he doesnt seem to have any protectiom for the baby at all when she threatens to hurt me while im looking after him
im concerned what the older boy might do next even tho i have it drummed into my brain daily that police said its totally normal n even more concerned now that shes worried he might be accused
EVERYTHING is hidden from me since the knicker incident they have to have serious chats when the kid has been naughty but since then im not allowed to know what hes done
my partner had to attend a meeting at his high school the other day n i was told it was just playground nonsense but his mum let slip he was given a police caution .... for what i have no idea.....

I totally get why you're fuming, but I don't see how not taking the baby out when he's with older son is neglect? Where is your daughter during these trips?
Their mum is obviously a bit batshit BUT I'm confused about why it matters to any of you, why you haven't contacted her and told her that she has no fucking say over where your baby goes when he's with his dad and brother.
What did his mum phone the police for?

i am fine with him seeing his other son i dont even want the baby to go but i do want him to be able to have experiences and days out too if his older child isnt safe around other children then he needs to do 2 seperate days out not be told by his ex u r spending the whole weekend with the older son and not doing a thing with the baby
when i say he has him while i work i mean the baby plays on his own while his dad plays on his phone all day he wont take him to a single playgroup nothing

The baby doesn’t need day trips.

Your partner can’t go to the ex’s house to see his son, and it’s not a good idea to bring him home to the other children, so days out is the only alternative.
Whilst your children are little, they won’t even notice this.

They are not telling you about his son because right now, they are trying to get a handle on his behaviour. Your husband senses you resent his son already and it would only give you more ammunition.

You need to appreciate that even if it is the ex’s decision...the idea not to mix your children with his son is a good one for the moment.

OK, I crossposted, have there been any other weird behaviours?

You've focused on totally the wrong part of this situation.
Yes, it would be better if your baby went our during the day, any day. It doesn't have to be the same day that his worryingly behaved son is with him!
It makes sense that he wants to focus on his son at the minute, police cautions and god knows what else he's in trouble for don't just 'happen', that kid is in need of some attention.

Ok firstly you are incredibly upset, so you need to calm down a little-maybe a cup tea? Breathe and then sit down to figure out how you want to proceed.
Your priority is to keep your children safe, so them having no contact with your step child, sound like a good idea.
You need to discuss going forward a new type of weekend arrangement with your partner, to parent your children too.
Maybe split the mornings and afternoons?
Also you need total honestly from your partner about his dealing with his ex.
This all sounds quite messy and clearly there is alot going on with your step-child, so a call to social services maybe be appropriate.

i have contacted the ex before during all the other minor incidents that led up to him stealing my daughters knickers to ask her to help stop him being awful to her but was told my daughter had framed him and was a crybaby roxanne pallett
his ex apparently called the police over the knicker incident an officer came out to see them and told him its just normal teenage hormonal behaviour ... he then did it again.... no one ever contacted me or spoke to my daughter

So your partner cares for the baby five days a week whilst you work, but not in a way you approve of, and you'd like home to continue to do so at the weekend, when he is seeing his eldest son. He sees the baby 1-1 5 days a week but you expect more? And expect hi. To drop or curtail some of the one day a week he sees the oldest? If your worried about the oldest- you should have reported him.

His ex never called the police!! Don't be so naive. Call them yourself!

So that's she called the police for ? Stealing his dads GFs daughters knickers. No fucking way she called the police and said that if she's worried about social services taking him/the other 3.
That doesn't make any sense.

It's very unlikely a drug taking sex worker would call police for any reason.

ive always said she never called the police ive asked for the officers details to make a complaint if as they said he was told it was fine and normal as he then did it again
but of course i was never given them as i assume.the call was never made
anyone know if this is classed as normal teenage hormones as it doesnt sound.normal to me but ive never had a teenage boy

Not normal at ALL. I know many teenage boys...none would do such thing.

If he's been given a caution because of behaviour at school, I'm struggling to see how your DP doesn't know the circumstances having attended a meeting at the school.
I'm struggling because that's bs from him. If you get called to the school over your son's behaviour they tell you what your child did.

Of course, he knows what his son did, why isn't he telling you.

I can't see this going very well to be honest. Most adults would struggle with never leaving the house day after day with a baby. What is he doing during the day?