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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

anyone up so angry i can hardly breathe need advice

145 replies

neverfeltthisdown23 · 23/02/2020 03:03

is anyone up to talk to before i loose the fucking plot ....
bit of background....
my partner and i have a baby he also has an older son ( teenager ) his sons mother is a cocaine addict ( with 3 children ) and an all round nightmare, shes threatened me countless times and he hasnt let me report it incase she gets cross n stops him seeimg his son,
threatened to come smash my face in infront of my kids
she doesnt like me as thier son was vile to my daughter for months n months with me asking them to do something about it and them saying she was lying a crybaby and roxanne pallett!!!
anyway this nastiness culminated in thier son stealing my daughters dirty knickers not once but twice and apparently her calling the police on her own kid ( although i never heard off the police at all )
since then he has been seeing his son away from the house taking him on treat days out but NEVER have any of the other kids been allowed to be included even his own baby brother...
i have kicked off that he never takes the baby anywhere and i mean anywhere while i work and he should be allowed on trips to find out tonight from his mum that the ex has banned our baby from going on any of the days out incase i accuse her son of being a peadophile
WTF!!!!!
how fucking dare he pretty much neglect his own baby on the say so of his ex?
are they actually concerned that the kid might do something to my baby?
he hasnt come home tonight hes at his mums i have sent him a message saying if she has that much control over him to get him to mistreat his own baby then he can decide which one he has in his life now his baby or his ex
just bagging up all his stuff to leave out in the rain...dont think ill sleep tonight so any advice welcome :)

OP posts:
FredaFrogspawn · 23/02/2020 07:04

Sorry about typos

TheVanguardSix · 23/02/2020 07:05

John Wayne Gacy Jr started out stealing knickers. Look who he became. Your partner's son is abnormal and dangerous and your ONLY role here is to protect your children from him and ALL of these batshit people, including your partner who is enabling his lying mess of an ex and his dangerous son. Don't get sucked in.
I'd be walking away from it all, for the safety of my children and the peace of my own mind. I wouldn't hesitate to walk away from this.
How is your DD doing? Does she feel threatened? Has she talked to you about how she feels?

TheVanguardSix · 23/02/2020 07:07

anyway this nastiness culminated in thier son stealing my daughters dirty knickers not once but twice

Don't whitewash this.

Monty27 · 23/02/2020 07:12

Are you talking to the police service OP?
You won't have a leg to stand on if you don't and your DC's are taken in to care. Your df must be going through hell. And yes school should be aware of her difficulties.
[exasperated head shake]

Lhia29 · 23/02/2020 07:14

Talk to the police. Report everything. Report the ex to SS. Sort out childcare for the baby. Leave this piece if shit. Your daughter will certainly thank you and your baby won't be neglected and potentially abused. What a horrible situation for the kids.

CassidyStone · 23/02/2020 07:16

Please be proactive and talk to the police and social services as soon as possible. This is a mess. Children are in danger. You can't wait to see what may or may not happen.

Lhia29 · 23/02/2020 07:18

Your dd is at risk from his son. She will never forgive you if something else happens. And social services will see the non reporting and continuation of living arrangements as you not safeguarding your children. My mum is a social worker so I'm not just hypothesising. You won't have to worry about childcare because you will have no children...

Doggybiccys · 23/02/2020 07:23

@neverfeltthisdown23 - in an earlier post you said this ......”dunno what hes upto no one tells me anything but if this all blows up in my face n dp leaves i will have no way of knowing if the older child is safe to be around the baby and im sure he wont keep it seperate as its more hassle for him and less kid free days where he can do what he likes”.

This reads to me like you are worried if you separate, when he has the baby for his time his son will be there and you will have no control over it. This is exactly why you must inform SS now. Then if you do split, and there is a strong chance you will, there will be a record of his sons disturbing behaviour and SS involvement which will help protect your baby eg dad has to see baby without son being there.

I agree with others that it’s coming across that your priorities are wrong and you are more concerned about “baby day trips” and free childcare than you baby. I also see a bit of snobbery in some of the responses. But I also see a mum with a baby who is trying to cope in a horrible situation. You want your partner to bond with your baby and take them to the park etc. If you posted to say your solution was to give up work and go on benefits you would be vilified. And just “get other child care” is not that straightforward.

You really need to re-think your situation though as your baby is at least being neglected by your partner and both your DC potentially at serious risk - your DD has already been exposed to harm at a very important stage of her life.

Please speak to someone about getting help with child care, finances etc and getting out of this relationship for your DCs sake. That in addition to reporting to SS.

ukgift2016 · 23/02/2020 07:24

You need to protect your children. That means not
EVER allowing the SS alone in the house with your daughter and the baby.

It sounds like your partner is taking a protective role by not allowing his son in the house and taking him outside. This is a good thing! Would you rather your step son be in your house?

I hope you are seeking help and reporting this to the police. You do realise if social services find out and see you are notsafeguarding your children then there will be consequences.

LittleWing80 · 23/02/2020 07:55

Your posts are very worrying. This is not normal teenage behaviour and when your daughter tries to speak up she is shut down and bullied into silence. Of course the police wasn’t called and of course you should know about the school incident (if the caution is for sexual assault it is a safeguarding issue for your daughter, you have every need-to- know)!
Physical threats from this woman should have been reported too.
Why is your partner not working? I’m sorry OP but he is not on your side here and I’m not talking about cat fight between you and ex, I’m talking about your daughter’s safety.
He is also happy to let his son leave with a drug addicted sex worker.
Do you have any other childcare options for the baby? I would end it for my children’s sake.

Heatherjayne1972 · 23/02/2020 08:00

Far too much drama
Like others have said involve the police and social services
And then leave him

Your children are your priority

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 23/02/2020 08:03

Who is Roseanne Pallett?

HopeYouStepOnALego · 23/02/2020 08:14

Your partner sounds like a complete waste of space who is neglecting his baby. Put your child in nursery or with a childminder and tell your partner it's time to get his arse off the saga and into a job.

Who is paying for your partner to take his other son for treats at weekends?

I don't understand why you are with this bloke and allowing your baby to be neglected.

Lhia29 · 23/02/2020 08:28

Op will probably stop posting soon and it'll just be a other case in the sea of cases where a parent didn't safeguard their children like they should have and the kids end up worse for it. Unfortunately it happens a lot, where parents play down or are willfully ignorant to events preceeding sexual abuse or general neglect that should have been indicators that they needed to remove the kids and leave the partner. I hope op doesnt become that statistic and takes on board what people are saying here but it doesn't look likely.

So depressing.

BRITISHAIRWAYSSUCK · 23/02/2020 08:29

@OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow the corrie/emmerdale actress who went on CBB and claimed that other guy from Emmerdale/corrie punched her in the gut for attention (he didn't)

BRITISHAIRWAYSSUCK · 23/02/2020 08:32

@Lhia29 or MAYBE OP is asleep / overwhelmed with the responses on this post and having a think about what to do in private? People are far too quick to judge on this forum. She came for advice (albeit on a complete different matter) to be told by 100s of strangers her daughter is at risk of abuse (rightly so) and to contact the police or SS. Wouldn't you want time to digest that all and remove yourself from keyboard warriors who have no insight into her real life?

BRITISHAIRWAYSSUCK · 23/02/2020 08:34

OP, hope you're OK and I strongly suggest you take the advice of contact SS and police ASAP, and maybe self refer for yourself and your daughter to go through counselling services as I am sure this all has had a traumatic affect on your mental health. Stay strong and put your children first. All the best

Knewyou · 23/02/2020 08:35

You are concentrating on the wrong thing.

I think you should look after your own baby.

Pippinsqueak · 23/02/2020 08:36

Maybe I'm being too harsh but maybe this is what you need

You need to wake up and smell the roses my dear, you know stuff is going on, real serious stuff to do with children both yours and your husbands

IF YOU SUSPECT YOUR HUSBANDS SON IS ABUSING YOUR DAUGHTER AND YOU ARE NOT DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT, LIKE RIGHT THIS MINUTE, YOU ARE FAILING HER AS A MOTHER AND ALLOWING HER TO BE ABUSED

YOU NEED TO RING THE POLICE AND REPORT EVERYTHING (not just to find out IF it has been reported) AND PROTECT YOUR GOD DAM CHILDREN

Stop going on about trips with baby, stop blaming the ex, I'm pretty sure you would have known the lay of the land when you got with your partner

SORT YOUR SHIT OUT

Lhia29 · 23/02/2020 08:36

She doesn't sound like she's taken a single word on board about her daughters safety Hmm it's not keyboard warrior of me to find it depressing that this is happening to 2 real children who have no power to remove themselves from this shit situation.

Lhia29 · 23/02/2020 08:37

I know first hand that ltb isn't easily in real life. op I hope you do heed all this advice. Good luck.

Dogladyxo · 23/02/2020 08:44

I cannot believe what I've just read. Baffling to me how clueless the op is omg your poor daughter.

LovingLola · 23/02/2020 08:47

Poor kids.

TheVanguardSix · 23/02/2020 08:48

Was the sanitary towel incident not enough of a 'get the fuck out now' message for you? LTB isn't easy? Looking for the easy solution is SO not what this is about. Your stepson is on a terrible path and he's got a keen fixation on your DD. Stop playing pin the tail on the donkey with your misdirected anger and focus on what is important here.

Lweji · 23/02/2020 08:53

A) why are you with this man?

B) why didn't you report it yourself?

C) why didn't you call the police when she threatened you?

D) why haven't you reported this woman yet?