does know the circumstances he told me im on a need to know basis n i dont need to know and was just normal playground crap....
The boy sounds troubled and on the brink of becoming a fully fledged nightmare, either sexual or anti social. Understandable perhaps with a dysfunctional family background like he has. At least it’s good that his dad sees the necessity to spend one to one quality time with him and to keep him away from situations that could just make things worse.
If he were my son and he’d stolen your DDs knickers I’d want him kept away from your baby as well, for everyone’s sake. Not because I think he’d harm the baby necessarily, but because I’d want him protected from the risk of any accusations, unfounded or otherwise. The situation is already tense, why risk making it worse?
I think your partner and his ex have decided this is for the best and I agree with them. I also think your partner doesn’t want to give you more ammunition to fire at his son. He’s in a tough enough position already and will feel very torn about where his loyalties and priorities should lie. The last thing he needs is to hear you banging on about whatever else his son has done, when it doesn’t directly involve you, so the ‘need to know’ basis makes sense.
You don’t want this child in your house or in your life (with good reason perhaps) so you don’t need to know what else he has going on with the school and the police.
But his father still needs to see him and support him through these challenges because that’s what a good parent does.
Something to think about though OP, you are keen to tell us what the ex and her family are like and I agree they sound a nightmare. But your DP chose a life and children with this woman so perhaps his judgement is off and his standards are low, and he’s not exactly Snow White either. Maybe he needs to take some responsibility for how his son is turning out.