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Original poster

What do you make of this?

158 replies

Bellafish · 22/02/2020 18:01

I'm a 39 year old woman who has been single for 3 years now.. it's been very difficult for me I recently started a new job about 8 months ago and hit it off with a guy who I was sat next to. Hes 35 very chatty and flirty and we get on like a house on fire.theres something that's been really giggling me though. He has made out to me hes single but another girl who I recently got talking to told me hes not and was like well maybe hes having problems with her but I'm80%sure hes not
I did say to this him and he seemed very annoyed saying shes a liar and that when he started he was in a relationship with the mother of his two children but split up with her a year ago and says he doest tell anyone at work because "they're all nosy f**kers and use it against you"

This isnt all tho..he only sees me after work taking me out to lunch or to his mates flat because he lives far away from where our workplace is..sometimes we go to mine but he always rushes off.. he says it's because he lives far out which is true because this is common knowledge in his work. Our workplace is in the centre and he lives in a little outside village from the city. So I know hes not lying he also says he sometimes has his eldest come round after shes had her tea at her mums ?? I really really like him but in quite gutted because on Valentines day he didnt do anything except get me a card. I was hoping hed take me out and wed go out for a few drinks but nothing Sad I dont know if he knew I was upset as he again said it's hard for him on weekends because he has the kids iv only ever seen him on a friday night and that's it..I wouldn't say were exclusive but we are seeing each other and everything is so good he makes me laugh, incredible sex etc I just dont know why hes not being more serious or exclusive? He sometimes snaps at me not to tell people at work. The only reason the other woman and me discussed him as she mentioned how he looked good with his new haircut I kind of accidentally on purpose made a joke saying well I'm sure someones snapped him up and that's when she said hes withsomeone...married or engaged i think" her exact words. He has no wedding ring on his fingers before anyone asks..i am so confused yet so upset. He gives me a quick call in the evenings only on some days then txts me around 9-10pm and says hes going to sleep . I hardly hear from him on weekends and when indo it's very rushed txting no phone calls.

What does everyone think? How do I approach this without him snapping or being put off? Its early days so I cant exactly ask him if hes lying to me I think hed be very turned off?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bellafish · 22/02/2020 23:47

*Oops he will say see you tomorrow

OP posts:
Original poster
Bellafish · 22/02/2020 23:52

@MikeUniformMike
@Ozziewozzie

OP posts:
Weenurse · 22/02/2020 23:59

Does sound a bit dodgy.
I hope he is single for your sake, as you do like him.

Justyouraveragehuman · 23/02/2020 00:03

This is all very strange OP. You say you have no right to question certain things as you aren’t exclusive but you are sleeping with him ect.

You came on here for other people’s opinions and you’re just making excuses for him. He lives an hour away, not half way round the world. Do not trust this man.

LuluJakey1 · 23/02/2020 00:08
Hmm
Deadringer · 23/02/2020 00:13

Even if he is single (he's not) he is using you for sex. Dump.

blackswan67 · 23/02/2020 00:18

And he could have a shower at 6/7 once he's home after a long day at work, no questions asked. Try to find out more. But if your gut is telling you something is wrong then it probably is - unless you have a history of paranoia. I hope everything is innocent and there is nothing wrong with believing him as he could be telling the truth..but the fact you're asking means that something is not right.

Tatty101 · 23/02/2020 00:23

Why post if you're not willing to accept what everyone's saying?!

Samtsirch · 23/02/2020 00:25

When you feel that you are in a position to ask your self
AM I SURELY WORTH MORE THAN THIS ?
Tally that up and wave him goodbye

Member377005 · 23/02/2020 00:26

I think You need to be careful, and make yourself unavailable til you find out more. Everybody in your work knows what's going on, and you could end up looking bad in front of your colleagues.

Member377005 · 23/02/2020 00:29

Also, you could get tickets for something you could both go to midweek, and see if he tries to rush off in the middle of it, or get out of going, because after all, what's he doing all those week nights!

PixieRabbit · 23/02/2020 00:37

Are you very young? You’re coming across as wilfully naïve at best.

Bluerussian · 23/02/2020 01:24

The op is 39, the guy 35.

It does sound dodgy. Whatever you do, op, don't let on to anyone else at work that you are having a part time relationship with this man. At least then when it breaks up you won't be looked at or whispered about.

I would have thought he could have spared you a little more time than just enough to have a shag and go home. It sounds to me as though you are being used but why be so invested in someone you hardly know and not for long. The way he speaks doesn't sound too good, ie ""...they're all nosy f**kers..". I wouldn't like a man who talked like that.
He has things to hide.

Most people don't have their children every weekend for the entire weekend, they take it in turns with the other parent or else neither would have any free time. There seems to be no reason why you can't spend an evening together during the week either - you say his child comes round sometimes but he can always say he'll be out on such and such evening - however I think he doesn't want to. You have your place firmly in a compartment on the periphery of this man's life with no commitment.

I'd have thought you'd have had at least a couple of relationships by now, op, but you sound very naive. Do you have children or a child?

Do some investigation, ask a few questions without bombarding him and make it clear that you are entitled to the truth.

There are more fish in the sea.

MashedSpud · 23/02/2020 01:31

It’s pretty obvious he’s still with the mother of his kids. He’s cheating on her with you.

VenusTiger · 23/02/2020 01:44

I take it you've been seeing him for around 8 months @Bellafish ? And you shag at his mate's place?! and yours Hmm you've never even been to his house?? No, he's not single - 8 months, I mean come on now - why hasn't he ever stayed the night at yours? By now, you should at the very least be sleeping at eachothers place most of the time - I met my DH at work and we stayed at eachothers house all the time!!
He texts you not calls you - you've never seen his house, a colleague told you he was with someone and when you asked about it, he got all defensive about it - why would he react like that!? He's also told you not to say anything about you two hasn't he?
He saw you as someone who knew stuff all about him OP and thought he'd try his luck. Poor you and poor partner!
Speak to his mate.

VenusTiger · 23/02/2020 01:47

*stuff-all

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 23/02/2020 01:49

"And btw he has his kids every weekend"

Yes. Because he lives with them, and their mum.

I know you don't want to hear it OP but he's mugging you off, and you're putting your fingers in your ears and going "La, la, la."

Lalala205 · 23/02/2020 01:49

What? Umm, you've been seeing each other for months, but having sex at his friends flat/your home.... Because he 'lives too far away for you to ever go there' 🙄 How does he navigate his way to the place you both work? Do they helicopter him in on a daily basis, or does he travel down river by speed boat? 😁 Fuck off! Load of old bollocks!

CluelessAboutClothes · 23/02/2020 01:53

Hate to say it but it sounds like you are just s booty call to him.

If he was into you and wanted to see you then he would be making time for you.

Mintjulia · 23/02/2020 01:54

Nope, you’re the bit on the side. Sorry

Aquamarine1029 · 23/02/2020 01:55

You're what we refer to as the "OW."

Seems clear to me.

JKScot4 · 23/02/2020 02:00

So he’s an hours commute away, has his DC sat/sun yet you’ve never went home with him through the week or him stay at yours to save the commute?
How are you this gullible?
Does he ever take you out for night out?
Do you drive? or have a friend who drives? I’d be off tomorrow for a drive to his faraway village!! 👀👀👀

Lalala205 · 23/02/2020 02:03

At pp... I doubt she could drive there as he's obviously commuting on a daily basis from the moon 😒

DBML · 23/02/2020 02:05

He didn’t do anything with you on valentines op, because he had to celebrate with his significant other op. His kids are a convenient excuse.

I would make a bet that he couldn’t see you Christmas Day because of the kids or New Year’s Eve. Perhaps you weren’t together then - expect it for this year. And his birthday, forget it.

The fact he got angry at this lady telling you he wasn’t single is also a huge red flag. Think about it, if someone said ‘oh I think Bellafish has a boyfriend’ you’d be firstly confused and then maybe laugh it off. Why would you get mad? Unless you felt cornered and about to be found out.

If you read over your own posts, you might just see what we are seeing. And how have you not Facebook friended each other? Suggest it .... I think his response will be telling.

Sorry, but if I were you, I’d prepare for the worst.

AmelieTaylor · 23/02/2020 02:16

None so blind as those who don’t want to see

Of course he’s still with his partner and their kids. When he’s with you he’s ‘working’ & gaslighting her

Stop letting him use you to cheat on her

Any single bloke would be staying over hoping for a morning shag and to save the commute to/from Mars.

Regularly going to his friends place to have sex is just ewwwww