I think H has or is about to put tracker on my car

[PressToChange]

I went in to Hs bedroom to put son's new Fitbit type watch on charge. Out of the cables I didn't know which but saw one had a label which said Trackisafe and a code.
I googled it. It's a mini tracking device. It needs two apps, the Trackisafe one and a V for Vodafone app.
We have Apple so I can see he has purchased both apps. I managed to get hold of his phone very briefly and he has downloaded and set up both apps. I couldn't get on there long enough to see maps.
I also found the box, opened it and the tracker isn't in the box.
I went out to the car while he was out saying I needed to get all the rubbish out if there. Lots of dc so easy to be true. I couldn't find anything.
It's half term and we are both at home.
From the date of app purchase a coupe of weeks ago, I'm guessing he either removed it before half term or will put it in after school starts again.
I cannot confront him as I don't have firm evidence. Plus I don't want him to know I can get on his phone.
Background is before Christmas in 2018 he hit me, I called police. He has a caution for assault. I now know I have been living in a controlling coercive marriage. (Not trying to down play. It's utterly shit. Just being factual to keep post as short as possible)
In Sept when I told him I was serious about divorce he cut me out of his bank account. Apparently we haven't needed a joint account I could just access his but no more.
At Christmas I told him I would endure it with him and then start divorce proceedings.
The Friday before I know he purchased the apps and most likely took delivery of the tracker I told him we have to draw this to a close. No one is happy etc. It is going to end up in divorce.
He is in COMPLETE denial.
I think he is a narcissist in the true clinical definition, I'm not just calling names.
I have a solicitor appointment booked for next week.
What do I do? What should I do? What is likely to happen to him because if I do find a tracker I won't touch it but will drive to the nearest police station. What if I never find a tracker I just strongly suspect it?
Please be kind. I know this is not right and needs to be over but because of the way he is have been doing baby steps trying to do things gently and safely rather than full on. I do not live in fear day to day but am concerned he could be volatile. He had had mental health issues too.

[SlightlyJaded]

NotStayingIn Thu 20-Feb-20 23:00:54
You’ve said twice now about him saying you need to get your bloods checked as you’re of a certain age. Like he said something really significant.

Does he think you have Aids/ some other illness or are pregnant? Or does he mean menopause like a pp suggested? Is so, who cares?!?

She was referencing the fact that although SS took her view very seriously - initially suggesting she grab a bag and leave, after speaking to her H, they were also manipulated into thinking she might be 'over reacting because she is approaching menopause' - an indictment of how charming he is....

[PressToChange]

@NotStayingIn yes, the whole menopausal thing. I am completely over what he says and he is not significant to me any more.
My main concern and real point is that a trained social services professional came into the home, knowing that he hit me and had been Given a caution for assault.
After speaking to me I was told to get a grab bag.
After speaking to him I was a menopausal woman who needs to get checked with the implication that I exaggerated. She said this should never have come through to us.

If he can manipulate someone from social services then who else can he deceive

[NotStayingIn]

Ah apologies, Sorry I didn’t get the significance. I completely see what you mean. Wow yes he is a master manipulator. That is shocking from social services and must have been horrific. I’m so sorry I misunderstood your point.

[GabsAlot]

I dont blame you for proof even though hes already been done for assault

i still dont think it would affect access they dont seem to care about if they were controlling or abusive to the mother they just look at the realtionship with the children

[UYScuti]

When he says it was just a slap what he means is you deserved a punch and you should be grateful it was just a slap
Did he actually use the phrase 'just a slap'? Is that not really a euphemism for 'a right good hiding'?

[PressToChange]

Yes, his words. I thought he'd broken my jaw.

[ivykaty44]

I would put as many miles between you and him as possible

Don’t be Mrs nice or reasonable, there’s no point

The children will not suffer being far away from this person

[UYScuti]

He actually smacked you in the jaw?
I find that very disturbing, a women's face is much more delicate than a man's
How are you now?

[UYScuti]

It's mocking and minimising, at the same time humiliating cruel and dehumanizing, not to mention sadistic

[PixieDustt]

I bet he's put it under the passenger footwell or if you have space for a tyre in the boot under the flooring/carpet he's placed it in there.

If he is willing to track you I'd also check your room for any cameras he might have put up. You can even get them disguised as a bloody teddy now!

[gottastopeatingchocolate]

OP, I truly understand your need for robust proof, but I suspect he will always be able to manipulate the truth. No matter what evidence you have, he may always charm people into believing his story. That has been my experience; even with evidence I have professionals now accusing me of manipulation and alienation.

But you need to get out safely. Is there a local DA charity to you that you can access? They might be quicker to respond than WA. Speak to the ;police - they have specialist DA teams and will not come out and talk to your H until you are safely out.

I always used the public library computers to contact people. I set up a separate email account, that I only accessed at the library. I never called anyone relating to the abuse or getting out. (I could have got another phone but I didn't have anywhere safe to hide it, so I just didn't use my phone). I made sure the location function was never on my phone (he still found out when I went to the solicitor the first time, and I will never know how!)

Are you working? Can you speak to someone at work?

[PressToChange]

@UYScuti it was the lower ear/jaw hinge area. I had a doctors appointment booked for something else which was sheer coincidence so got hearing and jaw checked out and all was well.
He has minimised everything he has done and tried to turn it around so that he is seen as the victim.
When he came back from being in custody he told me it was all my fault. Tried to get his caution overturned and complained to head of the regional police about his bad treatment at the hands of the police....
@PixieDustt I agree, I think because it's half term he's removed it but I will be looking from Monday. I have been all around my room shaking and fiddling with anything that could hide a 2-3cm camera. And I never leave my phone alone or unlocked!

[PixieDustt]

Could he get a chance to go on your phone? Does he know the code? He could of put spyware on your phone.

[BadgertheBodger]

I don’t think it’s been mentioned yet but make sure he hasn’t got his fingerprint stored on your phone to access it.

Stay safe

[LightDappledLeaves]

trackisafe.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/2018-07-20-luggage-tracker-um.pdf

It has to be recharged, the tracker, sorry. Does he go in your car regularly ?
Apart from that.
Leave with your child, as soon as humanely possible.
Use the Women’s aid contacts, and go

[PressToChange]

@gottastopeatingchocolate that is my worry, that I will appear like the mad one and this little sh1t will be so charming and believable.
Everything that I've googled says that you need people who are specialists in dealing with this this of personal to see through them.
I honestly don't care what he says to friends but it does hurt that he wants to paint himself in this golden light. I should think most will see through his lies. Those that don't, well never mind.

[PressToChange]

@PixieDustt I changed my code immediately after he hit me in 2018 and haven't shared even with the dc
@LightDappledLeaves I leave my car key on the front door with the house key. The car is parked on his side of the house (living separately in the same house) and I go to bed around 10 normally so he has plenty of opportunity to help himself. I've never thought to hide my keys before all this came up.

[jonesss]

I wouldn't worry about finding the tracker, just assume and act as though you are being tracked. I honestly do think you need to leave the car and even your bag in the car in a supermarket or something and walk to the police station and have an informal chat with them. What he's doing isn't right and he sounds dangerous, you need to be put on some sort of list so that if you ever call them the police turn up pronto. I really feel for you, you need to remain calm and not raise suspicion whilst you plan your exit.

[ivykaty44]

Do you have a spare key for your car? I do in the junk draw, just in case. I’d give the spare key to a friend if you have a spare.

[Suki84]

Some tracker devices also record sound and images. Just a thought It might not be in the car. Also they can be programmed to a mobile phone and work via text message command. I would check his text messages to see if he is sending any messages which contain number codes. I’ve been in your shoes. Hope you find it x

[Purpleartichoke]

I highly doubt that a mechanic has any special way of detecting a tracker in the car.

I hope you reach women’s aid for advice.

It is very difficult, but pretending things are normal until you are ready to leave is wise.

[TorkTorkBam]

Finding the tracker will make bugger all difference to contact arrangements post-divorce.

You don't need to prove he is bad and you are good. Actually nobody else gives a crap. Do you care who was the baddie and who was the goodie in divorced friends?

With the post-divorce contact, what are you worried about?

[Justaboy]

FWIW we do know a lot re GPS satellites and the like .

However these devices are more likely just logging where you are every so often when the cars moving, then when the device is called or interrogated it then dumps its logfile back to the person calling it.

They very rarely track in real time unless they have a source of power off the cars electical system. Hence they normally rely on the devices inbuilt power and thats dependent on how much work its doing as it has to keep the GPS reciver powered up and the system powering that and then the transmitter to send the data back to the mobile he's using.

I don't think its wired inot the car power system very few would know how to do that unless they had a very good knowelege of the cars power system, the obviuos place is the car battery if it is of that type but if its self contained it will need a recharge and for that to happen its got to come off the car. It may be inside or outside somewhere and thats the problem if inside you keep the car locked and keep your keys with you all the time! so he can't get at it .

I'd expect a decent mechanic may be able to find it given time but as said they are very small and can be tucked most anywhere.

I think it would be a good idea if you told the police and your solicitir so its on record that this is happening OK you may not be able ot prove it but its the papertrail that counts sometimes.

If you want PM me with the detalis on the box and I'll see if i can work out what type it is, wired in or self powered.

[BitOfFun]

I really think that you already have enough evidence, just knowing he has purchased it.

I wish you strength and love, and hope you get out soon.

Oh, and I'd put in a complaint about that social worker! They need refresher training about domestic abuse.

[Justaboy]

One of the biggest supplier is the Banggood co ! they sell lots of stuff like this, if this link dosnt work look under automobiles and follow that to GPS trackers they also do some anti track devices!

uk.banggood.com/Wholesale-GPS-Tracker-c-3252.html?akmClientCountry=GB&from=nav