I think H has or is about to put tracker on my car

[PressToChange]

I went in to Hs bedroom to put son's new Fitbit type watch on charge. Out of the cables I didn't know which but saw one had a label which said Trackisafe and a code.
I googled it. It's a mini tracking device. It needs two apps, the Trackisafe one and a V for Vodafone app.
We have Apple so I can see he has purchased both apps. I managed to get hold of his phone very briefly and he has downloaded and set up both apps. I couldn't get on there long enough to see maps.
I also found the box, opened it and the tracker isn't in the box.
I went out to the car while he was out saying I needed to get all the rubbish out if there. Lots of dc so easy to be true. I couldn't find anything.
It's half term and we are both at home.
From the date of app purchase a coupe of weeks ago, I'm guessing he either removed it before half term or will put it in after school starts again.
I cannot confront him as I don't have firm evidence. Plus I don't want him to know I can get on his phone.
Background is before Christmas in 2018 he hit me, I called police. He has a caution for assault. I now know I have been living in a controlling coercive marriage. (Not trying to down play. It's utterly shit. Just being factual to keep post as short as possible)
In Sept when I told him I was serious about divorce he cut me out of his bank account. Apparently we haven't needed a joint account I could just access his but no more.
At Christmas I told him I would endure it with him and then start divorce proceedings.
The Friday before I know he purchased the apps and most likely took delivery of the tracker I told him we have to draw this to a close. No one is happy etc. It is going to end up in divorce.
He is in COMPLETE denial.
I think he is a narcissist in the true clinical definition, I'm not just calling names.
I have a solicitor appointment booked for next week.
What do I do? What should I do? What is likely to happen to him because if I do find a tracker I won't touch it but will drive to the nearest police station. What if I never find a tracker I just strongly suspect it?
Please be kind. I know this is not right and needs to be over but because of the way he is have been doing baby steps trying to do things gently and safely rather than full on. I do not live in fear day to day but am concerned he could be volatile. He had had mental health issues too.

Thank you. So far all is well. I’m bidding my time and not rocking the boat. I spoke to the solicitor yesterday and got some very good advice. I gave her my instructions to start divorce proceedings. She is experienced with this type of situation/person and just “got” everything I was saying and knew it’s was coercive control and stalking. When all the paper work is done I’ll be going back for advice as I know this is a potentially dangerous time. It won’t just drop in the post to him unexpected. Advice is to have someone else there etc. Exit plan. No children around etc.
The tracker is one that needs charging so needs to be accessible. My wheel arches are not metal but like an insulation type material which starts to narrow things down.
I’ll record evidence of it if I find it and then see what the solicitor advises at the time.
I’ve found lots of podcasts on controlling relationships divorce and divorcing a narcissist. Eye opening!

Glad your safe OP, and that you have a good solicitor to guide you.

Well done in taking the steps to get out of this. It's a scary time but you'll feel so much better once you're out. Good luck

Well done OP!!! Please do keep us updated. Have been thinking of you every day

Well done OP. First steps and all that. Brilliant news just take extreme care and plan to the last detail.

Thank you so much for your support and concern. I have been listening to a lot of podcasts about relationships with narcissists, coercive and financial control. It’s all there. I feel like I’m coming out from deep, deep under water.
One psychologist on a podcast said that the constant gaslighting is actually brainwashing and grooming. I’ve been with H all my adult life, nearly 30 years.
I can see things much more clearly now. I think the tracker thing (no updates yet) was shocking and sinister enough to jolt my mindset if that makes sense.
He lies to my face and expects to be believed. Today I asked him by text to collect dc from school but after their club finished. I then got a call from school saying no one had come to collect. I phoned H up and he said, “oh dear never mind I thought it was 4:30 finish.” Well no. I sent a text which stated the correct time. No answer to that but “we’ll I’m nearly at school now.”
Minimise it all.
Minimise the effect that my ds was the last child at school.
Minimise that it inconvenienced a member of staff who would be doing other things on a Friday night.
Minimise the quite obvious fact that he knew what time because it was spelled out in a text.
Minimise the effect on me, oh it doesn’t matter. Well it does because I was in my appointment making calls to see what was going on!!! Grr!!
I have well and truly had enough.

Keep safe OP. You are doing so well.

Lots of photos of chargers, boxes and apps on phone.

Do not clean your car - the dirt will get disturbed, show up on his hands etc etc

When you plan to leave plan to swap out the car, any it kit and your phone. Keep the old stuff and submit to the police saying what you suspect although be aware "its a family xyz" can be seen by Police as making it unprosecutable as an offense in itself

do not ask me how I know

Start planning for the future.
Get your ducks sorted

@PressToChange the gaslighting is head wrecking, keep listening to the podcasts that you're listening to. Have you looked at Meredith Miller Inner Integration on youtube? She's VERY clear.

Everything that matters to you and everything that could affect you will be minimised. Everything that counts for him will be maximised.

My x was the most selfish taker in the western hemisphere but he had me wondering if I was cold, cruel, heartless by the time he'd finnished telling me off.

You're doing really well and I'm another one checking back in on the thread and looking forward to wehn you can tell us you've got away./ got him out.

My x would never in a million years have left the house. I had to leave.

Well done for having the strength to finally see the truth and start divorce proceedings. He sounds horrible and I am sorry you are going through this.
May I ask what podcasts in particular you have been listening to about coercive control and gaslighting? Thank you

Stay strong, OP!

"Stop Signs" by Lynn Fairweather. I recommend as a great book on how to get away and disentangle yourself from an abusive man with your personal safety uppermost. Its very practical, and there's quite a lot on the "technical" aspects e.g. re. tracking, phones, etc. Easy to read in one sitting. Of course, make sure its delivered to a secure address elsewhere, not home.

This is frightening and I admire your courage OP 🌺

My NPD ex hospitalised me (many times) but on one occasion, he was so convincing to the doctors that I was self-harming and crazy that although I was writing them notes to please help me, they called a cab for him and helped him put me in it with him to take me home so he could care for me. He'd broken my jaw the month before. And before that my arm.

NPDs are terrifying.

Good luck OP. I'm thinking of you.

Thanks again for your support and encouragement. I’m finding it very difficult now not to react to his BS especially now I can see it so clearly now. However I need to play the long game so will plough on. Unfortunately getting ducks in a row financially is difficult and unlikely. He has blocked me out of martial bills/finances so I have no knowledge of anything! As I said earlier on the thread I was told we didn’t need a joint account so I would use his card and log into his account for funds. He’s changed all passwords and mid September was the last time I had money from him.

Some of the podcasts were:

podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-divorce-survival-guide-podcast/id1345075933?i=1000439442736

podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/a-date-with-darkness-podcast/id1271234927?i=1000430513756

I’ve yet to listen to this one.

podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/a-date-with-darkness-podcast/id1271234927?i=1000430126245

Some of the things in there I hadn’t heard about narcissists. I’d ticked off everything on the grandiose narcissist check list but then I heard this on one of the podcasts.
They are so special/elite etc l they can only associate with similar special/elite people. The example that was used was health treatment. They could never be seen by a regular nurse, it would always have to be a consultant.
My goodness how did that ring true. My counsellor is great and charges £60 per session. H has to see a leading specialist in psychotherapy at £500 an hour. When you’re that special how could anyone less than a world renown psychologist help you.

I will look at the you tube programmes too. It really is reprogramming.

@Alonelonelyloner that is absolutely terrifying. I’m glad you have him down as your Ex. How did you manage to get out?

Can you get a new phone to use - perfectly possible there is a keylogger on your phone too. It’s scary how easy it is to add and prob best to assume there’s one on the computer too. You could leave some breadcrumbs so he thinks you’ve changed your mind?

buy a gps jamming device.

@PressToChange I basically left the country. I had saved up £100 or so in a secret account and with £40 in my pocket from my parents I flew to Europe.
He'd attacked me on the Friday night. And when they arrested him they told me that they'd be able to keep him til
Monday and to escape. I cut up his passport. And left. I stayed with my parents for a couple of weeks before getting out of the country if memory serves.
It took me a year to get to the point that my head was free of him.

OP you do whatever you need to do... to stay safe and secure ... right now.. take good care 🌺

@Alonelonelyloner Omg..... PLEASE tell me that you at least went back and told them how wrong they'd been after you finally left him? I'd also have put in a HUGE complaint.

It's essential, so that they don't make the same mistake again, resulting in some poor woman's death :(

Any update @PressT ?

Park the car a few streets away. Tell him it cut out or whatever. Check his tracking app. That way you’ll know if it’s in the car yet.

Be careful if your phone is a Bluetooth device in his or a joint car. If you are eg inside the house but your phone is in range, and he sits outside in the car for ages, he's got your phone up on the car and is checking through.

It's beyond horrible how a deceitful husband can then get hyper-controlling and become a surveillance junky.

I'm so sorry - it robs you of your peace and freedom. Get out of it.